out on a limb

US Figure Skating and Me

2011-01-30T18:15:00.006-05:00

So, the US Figure Skating Championships were held in my hometown, and I bought tickets months ago. Months and months ago. My husband spent an hour online fighting with Ticketmaster to get us 2nd row seats to the Pairs and Dance Finals. Then, my brother in-law's work offered up seat for the Ladies Short and Long programs, 5th row seats to the Ladies Short and Long programs. Score!

My friend Mandy, me and my friend Kristen. This is how close we are to the ice!!! Yay! I brought my camera, of course, and I took almost 700 pictures over the three events. Not all of them are winners, because photographing sports is difficult and figure skating is beautiful, but sometimes the positions are really awkward.

Our seats were in the corner of the arena near the NBC announcement booth, where Scott Hamilton and Sandra Bezic were doing the commentary. I was so excited, although most people were excited about Scott, but I was excited about Sandra. She is a long-time choreographer and is an excellent announcer. If you watch figure skating on TV, you've probably heard or seen her. She just isn't a face that everyone knows, but I recognized her right away. At one point on Thursday night during the short program, I yelled out to her and she looked over and smiled and said I was sweet.

Then, on Saturday I spotted her walking down the hallway in the arena and got her autograph and picture. I told her I was the one who had yelled and she said she remembered. I think she was excited that someone wanted her autograph too...she was very nice and charming. We almost got Scott Hamilton's autograph...but...

see how close we are? There were maybe three more people in front of me when the tv producer pulled him away. Sad.

Danielle Kahle. Look how close we are to her! Well, I do have a powerful zoom lens, but we were close! During the warm up sessions the skaters kept coming over to the boards and talking to their coaches and it was prime picture taking time. I have lots of photos with skaters drinking water, but Danielle was funny. They had Beyonce's Single Ladies on in the arena and she was doing little pieces of the dance while she warmed up. And she is really pretty, huh?

During the Short Programs, there were jumps:

This is Agnes Zawadski, well, most of her. Like I said, taking pictures of sports is difficult and while I knew she was going to jump, I didn't pull in my zoom enough in time as she came closer to me.

There were falls. This is Alexe Gilles. She is actually a lovely skater, but I did catch this fall on camera, because they do get back up very quickly.

Mirai Nagasu waiting in the tunnel to skate. Isn't she just about the prettiest thing? Her costume was so beautiful and sparkly, and I think it was one of my favorites. I like the ones that are dresses with accents instead of the ones that look like costumes to go with the music, like tavern wenches with laces up their backs.

I think is the prettiest thing I saw over the three days...Mirai doing her layback spin. I don't know how people stay upright doing this on skates, but I guess it works somehow. I don't even want to know what the skaters see when they are upside down like this!

Our event on Saturday was the Pairs and Dance Long Programs, and this event was very exciting because of how the men throw the ladies across the ice. Sometimes that turns out well, other times not so well. And the lifts. Oh...the lifts.

They are Caitlin Yankowskas and Johnny Coughlin, the pair that won the gold medals. This performance was really cool because Caitlin's parents and grandparents were sitting in the row behind us! Every time he would go to lift her or throw her, or they would go to jump, her mom would hold her breath and then screech when they landed it. When they found out that they won, there was jumping and screaming and celebrating. It was cool to be part of that!

This pair skated to some music from Avatar and the program was very well done! This couple was fun to watch during warm up and their program was even better. Sadly, I don't remember their names! I'm so sorry.

Included in our ticket was the finalists for the Ice Dance competition, which was cool, but not as exciting. Although, Meryl Davis and Charlie White had just competed and won the silver medal at last year's Olympics, so seeing them was neat.

Very flexible, isn't she? This was during a spin. Let's just say you have to be very comfortable with your partner in order to be in pairs or dance. The weird thing is that there are many brother/sister teams and that freaked me out a little when they were trying to show emotion between each other. The pair that won the dance silver medal were brother/sister and were very cute, but it is still strange.

We did bring some stuffed animals to throw onto the ice for the skaters. I brought a little chicken that had been in my Easter basket this year and Mandy brought this little frog to throw.

After the Pairs and Dance Finals, we had to exit the arena and then come back in with our other tickets for the Ladies Long program. We had time to grab some dinner and then find our next set of seats, which were in the 5th row this time. The Ladies event was very well attended, with some VIPs as well. Evan Lysacek, Sarah Hughes and Vera Wang among a few. I tried to get Vera Wang's autograph, but the arena guard would not let me into that section. Sigh.

Anyway, at this point, Mirai Nagasu was first, Alissa Cizny was second and Rachel Flatt, the defending US champ was in third. I am not the biggest Rachel Flatt fan, because I think her posture is a little slumped, but I loved the music she chose, and her choreography is pretty.

This picture is not the best example of that, but her short program was nice. She made two mistakes during her long program, and I thought it wouldn't be enough for her to win.

Alissa's program was wonderful and brought the crowd to their feet. She skated to a lovely piece of piano music from George Winston and was calm and elegant and beautiful. At this point in the evening, the arena was full and people we really enjoying the skating. The people sitting next to us were not huge skating fans, but were enjoying themselves and asked me a lot of questions about things. It was fun answering them and teaching a little bit about skating.

When Mirai skated, she fell once, and she had to be really upset about it because she looked angry when she finished skating. She skated to music from Memoirs of a Geisha and the costume was lovely, but it was sad that she fell. I think competitions are better when everyone skates clean, and their is still a clear winner, but falling is part of skating. I mean, I can barely stay upright on skates, much less jump and spin.

Alissa won! Gold medalist of the US Figure Skating Championships!

We stayed for the Medal ceremony and it was neat to see the girls get their medals. Of course, since all the skaters are American, there aren't any flags raised or anthems played like at the Olympics and so that seemed to be missing.

There is more to tell, of course, and show. I have hundreds more pictures and a couple more stories to tell, but all in all it was a fantastic couple of days. It was so neat to go to the national competition here in my own home town and see all these skaters. I don't know all the newer ones, but some of the more famous skaters I recognized. I mean, Scott Hamilton was there and I ran into Todd Sand (a pairs skater) at the souvenir table. When I thought about getting tickets, I wasn't sure I wanted to spend the money, but then I thought to myself "why wouldn't you go?" I love skating and have since I was little. Why would I miss this?

I had a great time. Here's hoping that Greensboro gets to host the Championships another year!

miss me? I'm still here

2010-07-28T19:45:00.002-04:00

Quick Takes:

The school year ended and now my job is being restructured. It isn't fun. Not at all.
We are still waiting to adopt...don't know when that will happen.

This is my new tree in the back yard. Aren't the flowers pretty?

We're remodeling a bathroom and I hate having to use the hall shower. It's dark. Shaving my legs in the dark is not good.
I have a picture of Robert Downey Jr on my computer desktop. Yes, I do have a crush.
Emily and I saw Eclipse and had dinner; it was so much fun.
Charlie's birthday is Friday and he is having a poker night. I am not invited and I am okay with that.
Lucy is barking in the backyard and I want to leave her there, but my neighbors probably won't like it.
I spent two hours in Super Walmart today and it was pretty fun. They recently remodeled one near me and it is super nice.
I am working at Michaels this summer and could totally spend my whole paycheck on crafts. It's a problem.
I posted about making garlic oil on my other blog. And how I found a chandelier on the side of the road and spray painted it and now it is hanging on my ceiling. Awesome.
Just wanted to keep you posted and let you know that I am okay.

a question with pictures...

2010-03-29T13:21:00.000-04:00

The first images of spring in the neighborhood. Enjoy.

Happy Spring Break and Easter, everyone! I'm still alive and around, and want to ask a favor. I started a private blog to post chapters from the novel I wrote, so I can get some input on it. If anyone would like to read it, I need you to send me an email, so I can add you to the list of readers. Send it to sissyreads@gmail.com.

Thanks!

taking a blog break

2010-02-25T19:58:00.003-05:00

I began this blog to unload my emotions and connect with other women, and I have enjoyed that connection immensely. I am almost at 300 posts and cannot believe I have written that much in the few years that I have been doing this. The problem right now is that my heart isn't really here anymore, it's at my other blog, my adoption and infertility blog. I don't really dump all that stuff off here, and most of my readers over there are in the same boat. I've recently really become involved in the lives of the community I've created over there, and it feels good.

This blog has never really had a niche. I don't have a theme or a topic to post about all the time. And my life isn't interesting enough to write about without some kind of point of view. My friend Alison creates hilarious and sarcastic posts about her life, which she calls mundane, but I crack up over every day.

I don't have kids to post about yet. I'm not inspirational. I crafty, but I don't craft enough to post about it day after day. Plus, I have a job outside the home that wears me out day after day.

I just need to take a break. If you don't want to follow me over there, that's okay. If you don't want to read about my longing for a baby, and the struggles to get there, that's fine. If you do want to still keep up with me, the blog address is www.fromthestork.blogspot.com or click HERE.

Just so you know, I'll still post any major developments over here with regards to a baby and an adoption, so you can hear the news when it happens. I hope you're all okay with me taking a break, and aren't too upset. I don't think you will be, since I haven't posted much in the past month, and when I receive little comment.

pans, pans, pans

2010-02-16T18:17:00.003-05:00

So, the pans arrived. And I have cooked in them a couple of times, but haven't made a full course meal yet. We've just been too busy to really have something complicated, so it's been simple fare around here. What little I have done with them has been wonderful. I love the sizes of the pans, the glass lids and the silicone handles that don't get hot.

The one closest to the bottom of the photo is my favorite. It has two small handles on the side and is a great size for just about everything. I can fit four hamburgers in there, lots of potstickers or a huge batch of scrambled eggs.

I'm excited about the idea of being able to cook and prepare homemade baby food when the time comes, but I will need a better food processor by then. I don't have the fantasy that I will cook and prepare every meal that my children eat, but I think it would be fun to include homemade things when I can.

Oh, but I can't put these pans in the dishwasher. It voids the warranty. So handwashing all the way with these babies.

And I know it was a random kind of valentine gift to get, but it's what I wanted. I was so excited the day they arrived and lovingly unwrapped the pans and spread them all out on the island. I even told one of the pans that I loved it. Charlie laughed.

Yay, pans!

pages, pages

2010-02-10T20:32:00.003-05:00

Oh, here is a cutie patootie picture of our nephew Harrison from the twins birthday party.

Has anyone else noticed that Blogger has added an option to add pages to your blog? I hadn't, but another blogger mentioned it. Finally! When you click on "new post" there is a button next to the "edit posts" option called "edit pages."

Pages, Pages!! Yay!

Now, I haven't done anything with this blog yet, but I have messed around with it a little on my adoption blog. I wanted to keep my main page as my journal type area, with my regular blog posts, but I wanted to have our adoption story and a background on us included as well. It just seemed like maybe, and I mean maybe, a birth mom might come across our blog and want to read about us, not just read my blog posts. So I wanted background on there as well, and I included pictures of us and our family as well.

I know it's not a huge thing, but so many people have moved to Wordpress because they have multiple pages. But now, here we go! Pages.

the twins turned two

2010-02-06T19:25:00.003-05:00

Charlie's brother Chad has twins: Cheyenne and Payden. Today was their birthday party, and their birthday is Monday. Their mom, Katie, planned a really cute Elmo themed party and it was a good time!

Cheyenne was opening something in the background, but Payden turned! They had a hard time understanding that once they opened something it didn't mean they should play with it right now when there was a big stack of presents to open. Eventually, Chad opened a few things while they played with a fire truck that was a big hit.

Mmmm, cake! And cake flavored ice cream, which I really liked, cause sometimes cake is dry. I think I might just put a candle in some of that ice cream from now on when it's my birthday!

Frosting is good!

Payden was very curious about my camera and came pretty close. He's staring me down, man!

Happy Birthday!

happy valentine's to me

2010-02-03T18:47:00.002-05:00

So, the cookware around the ol' homestead is looking might rough. Charlie and I started talking about it a couple of months ago, before Christmas, but other things took precedence. Don't get me wrong, my old cookware was bought as a wedding present and was nice. But it was painted on the outside, and my dishwasher doesn't like that. And one of my pans got scratched on the inside by a doggie who was trying to help me get it clean. I know, some of you might think that's gross.

But, behold:

My new cookware. Calphalon Hard-Anodized cookware set.

Now, it isn't the fancy, fancy calphalon stuff. I can't afford that, and I don't like stainless steel cookware, cause I'm just not that talented. I like me some teflon! I know that even though I aspire to culinary greatness, I just can't get into cooking on stainless steel. Just not for me, but if you're cooking on it, I give you many compliments.

This particular cookware set came with a free bonus gift of another pan as well, shaped a little like a flatter wok with a lid. And I love glass lids!! Yes. Smart cookware designers gave me glass lids and one that fits on the large saute pan. Awesome.

Can you tell I'm gushing? I love my present! Or, I will when it arrives tomorrow.

I looked around a little at cookware.com and found this set. I sent it to Charlie because I wanted him to see the style I was looking for since we were going to go look around here in town. I thought we might be able to get a few pieces at our local TJ Maxx, since they normally carry such great stuff. I didn't think I'd be able to get a whole set, or at least, not all at once. So I sent it to his email and then last night he tells me he went ahead and ordered it!!!!!!!!!

I started jumping around. He was so casual about it, and I was so thrilled. Completely and totally thrilled and surprised that he would go ahead and get it. YAY!

So, Valentine's Day will consist of something home cooked, in my new pans! I'd invite you, but it's not really romantic to have a whole group. So, sorry.

New pans, new pans, new pans, new pans, new pans. Ahhh, the long hours until they arrive tomorrow. New pans, new pans, new pans.

New pans. Sigh. I'm in love. With them, and my husband.

winter wonderland

2010-01-31T19:09:00.002-05:00

We are surrounded by snow! Here in NC, we don't normally get this much, but it started snowing Friday night and continued on into Saturday. About 7 inches, I think, for our yard.

I wasn't sure what would happen with school tomorrow. I teach at a charter school that doesn't have buses, so sometimes we don't get the days off the county does. But we got the call tonight that school is closed for tomorrow because of rotten road conditions.

Wanna know why they are so bad? Here in Greensboro, they have just restored the famous February 1 Sit-in Woolworth's store that is downtown and made it into a civil rights museum, with the Grand Opening to be tomorrow. With ceremonies and dignitaries and such. Lots of big deal people and a snowstorm.

So the city spent more time cleaning out downtown this time, and less time on roads around the city, leaving a very dangerous driving situation and such. I don't blame them, cause this thing is a big deal for our city, but it makes it hard to get to the store, you know?!

I put on Facebook that I viewed tomorrow's snow day as a personal gift from up above, since God knows I could use a mental health day, and it feels like that. You might be able to tell from my posts that I have been down lately, carrying a heavy load. And that's how I feel, like there's a weight on my back that isn't letting up. Headaches, sickness, sadness; it all gets to me after awhile and piles up on me. This bonus day off is a chance to breathe and rest. I look forward to some quiet time. And maybe some Gilmore time. We'll see. I have a book around here somewhere that I can't find that I really want to read...maybe I'll go on a treasure hunt.

Well, I hope you all enjoy your snow day, if you have one, and leave me a comment if you do! What do you like to do on a snow day?

when there are no words

2010-01-27T20:13:00.004-05:00

Since I really don't have anything earth shattering or nice to say, I'm not gonna say anything. Well, much. It's Wednesday. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of a lot of things, but I don't want to elaborate, cause you might think less of me.

I love my husband. That's nice, right?

I love my puppies. Who doesn't love a puppy kiss?

I'm cranky and ready for bed and Nyquil, so that is where I shall go.

And leave you with this... nah, I got nothin'.

can I focus on George Clooney?

2010-01-24T17:31:00.004-05:00

Between the headaches of last week and the cold I seemed to have developed this week, it's been a busy couple of days. I wish I could go back to Christmas vacation and just sleep for a couple of days and rest. Plus, the more I delve into what's out there on the internet related to adoption, I learn more, but it also creates a little more anxiety and anxiousness. It's a lot to think about and wish and pray for.

Anyone have $25,000 to loan me?

I kid. Well, sorta. I think that waiting on adoption creates a little bit of tunnel vision. I get so focused on wishing and praying that I forget to live my own life. I have a job and should be searching for a new job and oh, yeah, a husband to love on. There are greater problems out there. Hello? An earthquake in Haiti for one. Why should I be living in this box when I have a lot to focus on?

I watched part of the Hope for Haiti Now telethon the other night and it was really cool. It was on so many channels, so I bet you saw it too. George Clooney, while certainly hot and a notorious monogamist, does seem to have a good heart for charity. And the clout to get other celebrities involved. And I really enjoyed the musical numbers and it wasn't an annoying telethon, but a simply done night (without commercials, mind you) where people could donate towards a whole bunch of charities.

And he even loves puppies. That proves he's a good guy, right? Then, last night he was on the Screen Actor's Guild Awards, looking yummy but tired in his tuxedo. He made some jokes and handed out an award, and just seems like a normal guy. I know, with millions and millions of dollars.

Hopped up on Nyquil last night and after two nights of George, I dreamed of him. I was helping him set up his apartment for a party and we moved out all his furniture and then I told him he needed to replace his nasty, stained carpet. Fun, huh? I always have vivid dreams when I take cold medicine.

I guess I can focus on George. That'll take my mind off a baby.

headaches go away

2010-01-19T18:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I told you the other day that my dad was a chiropractor. And I told you that I needed to get an adjustment because I was having migraines very close together. And I needed to find a new chiropractor because my old was is now thirty minutes away and I need to be able to get there quickly if I wanted to make an appointment after school.

So I looked up a couple of chiropractors online. My husband gave me a name of a guy he went to, but I remembered him saying he thought the office was weird and the location wasn't that great. So I chose another guy (Dr. B) who attended the same school as my dad.

Bad idea.

Let me also say that I know many people view chiropractic as a scam in the first place. I grew up with it, so it is completely normal to me and I know it helps me. I get an adjustment on my neck and I have fewer headaches. I take less medicine. I don't go all the time and I don't believe you need to.

Okay, so the first thing I didn't like was the smell of the office. It was weird, and I can't account for where it was coming from. I filled out some forms and finally met with the doctor. He talked with me for a few minutes about my symptoms and I told him up front I only liked to come when I needed to. He did an exam and took some x-rays, and then set me up on an e-stem machine for some muscle therapy (all fine, since it's hard to adjust if the muscles are so tight they can't move.) Then he told me he wasn't going to adjust me, so I would have to come back after I did some ice on my neck to further loosen the muscles.

Okay. The secretary charged me and scheduled me for today. She wasn't sure what my copay was, so we just guessed.

Charlie wanted to know why I didn't go to his guy and I told him all I remembered was him saying he was weird. He said the office was weird, not the guy. He really liked the guy and thought him honest. Wires crossed.

Today I returned and she still hadn't talked to the insurance company. I had more therapy and then my adjustment and the doctor showed my my x-rays. We talked a few minutes about how he wanted me to come twice a week for six weeks, and when my allotted adjustments with my insurance run out, he would still want me to come. Um, no.

So the secretary tries to call the insurance company and they're closed. HUH? What? She says she'll call tomorrow and let me know what they say. She wanted me to schedule my next appointment and I told her I wasn't sure about when I wanted to come back. She then tells me that the insurance companies like to see patients on a treatment plan with chiropractors or they'll make me pay full price. So I should be prepared that if I don't keep coming in, I'll most likely be charged the full price. Again, no.

I pay again, without really knowing what I owe, but wanting to be covered.

I get in the car and dial the insurance company. I hold. Finally I talk to someone who tells me what my copay is, how many times I can go in one year, and that I do not need to be on any type of treatment plan to have my visits covered. Ah ha!

I told the lady the whole story and that I would most likely not be returning to this guy and would I be able to see someone else without it looking suspicious? Yes, she says, I can switch. No problem and she even checks on the guy the hubs recommended. He's on there as a PPO, so I can go there if I want to.

I just didn't like the experience today. It seemed like he wasn't hearing me when I said I didn't want to come for a whole bunch of appointments. I'm sure he knows what he's talking about when saying that prevention has a place in it, but I've lived my whole life with chiropractic care and am not majorly injured. When someone has a car accident or an injury, then I can understand seeing the doctor twice a week, but not when I just need to keep the headaches away.

I guess the lesson here is that I should have listened more to what my husband was saying. While I'm perfectly within my rights to choose my own chiropractor, we did get our wires crossed in that discussion and if we hadn't I might not have had such an odd experience.

dad was a chiropractor

2010-01-18T13:14:00.002-05:00

Today we have a lovely Monday off and I am using the opportunity to go to the chiropractor. My dad was a chiropractor and when he died I had a hard time going to someone else. It was just strange having someone else adjusting me, but neck adjustments are the best, best, best thing for my migraines.

And I have had some kickin' painful migraines in the past couple of weeks. One was so bad that I had to call out from work, and I hate doing that. They seem to start in the middle of the night and I wake up with this pounding on one side of my head, and the medication isn't kind to my body. I don't take anything prescription, cause I have found that Extra Strength Excedrin helps the most, but the caffeine in it makes my bladder a little jumpy. And I don't really need that either.

I had a chiropractor in my old town that I loved, but since we moved it's a half an hour or more drive to get there. Getting there after school was a challenge and so I found myself putting off making appointments even though my back would hurt or I would have a headache. Today I looked around a little on the web and found an office not too far from my home and school with a chiropractor that went to the same college as my dad. I have an appointment today and am very excited to have my back and neck in line.

Hopefully today's appointment will go well and I will be able to rest this afternoon/evening. Having to take such care with my neck the last couple of days hasn't been the way I like to live. Yesterday I smelled like Icy/Hot all day because I was wearing a pain patch all day, and the generic kind wasn't very sticky. I kept having to restick it, and it was annoying. Finally I just wrapped a scarf around my neck to help it stay.

I have to admit that it's still sad to go to a chiropractor other than my dad. The first time I went to one, I cried. He was really nice about the whole thing, and talked me through it, but it was hard. With my other chiropractor, he was very kind and soft spoken, and I hate to leave him, but I just need to be seeing one closer to my home. I will have to send him a thank-you or something.

My dad's birthday was on this past Saturday and I attended a baby shower. Weird day. My dad was born in 1938, so he would have been 72, right? He died when he was 59, way too short of a life, right? And my dad was totally awesome. He was the best. He wasn't perfect, but he was a great dad. I miss him.

Okay, enough sadness.! On to my appointment.

cursed with the fear

2010-01-11T19:11:00.004-05:00

I think we have talked before about fear and my issues with being brave. Yes, really. I'm getting better in small ways, but still need encouragement in so many ways. I told you before that I wrote a book over the summer and have been revising it over the past couple of months.

Now comes the hard part, I think. Sending out all those queries and shopping for an agent. I need to get ready for many, many, many rejection letters. And I don't know that I take rejection well. From boys, sure, I have tons of experience with boys not falling in love with me, but with something relatively academic, not really. I've never had trouble getting As or getting teachers to like me, but this is new. This is completely subjective without anyone really knowing me or my teachable, editable potential. I get one letter or email and anywhere from five to 50 pages to prove that my novel is worth publishing.

I think it is.

And the one person who has read it liked it (thanks, Emily.)

But if it isn't good enough, how will I really react with everything else going on? I mean, I'm looking for a job, I'm waiting for a baby and I'm not sure how I will feel if this ultimately doesn't turn out well. Writing is such a personal, cathartic experience. I think it's totally how I got through the failed placement, and for someone to take my healing experience and reject it, it will sting.

The fear gets me. It keeps me from pressing send and emailing my ohsocool novel off to potential agents. I suppose I just need to get over it and email it out and just let it all begin. Who knows what will happen.

If anyone out there has tips or a connection they want to share, please go ahead and comment. And if you know any agents that I should stay away from, I'd like to know that too!

on the couch

2010-01-09T12:27:00.003-05:00

The cold air has brought with it the spirit of hibernation. Although I have had to go outside this week, because work calls, today is one of those days where I just want to stay in my pajamas. I know eventually I will shower and brush my teeth and get myself moving, but the need to rest is taking over right now.

There has been much weighing on my mind recently, with a job change looming in the future, and the adoption coming who knows when. It's interesting to think about switching jobs. I like the one I have and do well at it, and it runs on the school system calendar, which means summers off, but thinking about changing is a little exciting. The school system has been good to me, but it's interesting to explore the options out there.

One thing that has piqued my interest is the medical field. I think that working in a doctor's office as a front desk receptionist or medical records clerk would be very intriguing. I applied with a couple of places, but applying over the internet doesn't really convey my interest very well. All I could do was send in my resume and hope for the best, I guess. We'll see what happens. I do have computer skills and I grew up around a medical practice (my dad was a chiropractor) so I think I would do well.

If anyone around Greensboro has a lead on anything like that, let me know.

Right now I will get back to my lounging. There might be a nap in my future. Hmmm, yes I can predict a nap.

come fly with me

2010-01-04T21:25:00.004-05:00

Okay, I am watching the Bachelor and a thought ran through my mind...what kind of woman would sign up for this show?

And then I remembered: I did.

No, I didn't get on the show. Hardly. I'm not a size four and don't have a closet full of evening gowns ready to go.

But I did apply. Back in the day, when Kristen and Malinda and I lived together, we would host these Bachelor nights with Kara and Megan and cook dinner and watch the show. It was our girls night and we had so much fun.

So one season Kristen and I decided to apply. It's a complex process that includes a long application and a two minute video tape. Two minutes. It's not a very long time to talk about yourself, and at the same times it seems like a looooong time. I ended up talking to the tape for about a minute and then having the students in my high school classroom talk about why I should be on the show. They were really cute and they wanted me to have a man.

I don't know what I would have done if I'd actually been picked. I watch the show now and what little clothes the girls wear and how impossible it seems to be find someone to marry after five dates. I have never been tan and I don't look good in a bikini.

It just seemed like something fun to do. An interesting anecdote to have one day. And I guess it is.

I think really I just had a crush on Chris Harrison, the host. At least he's getting paid to be there.

Oh, and the girl with the flight attendant outfit? Hang your head in shame.

the year that was...

2010-01-02T21:12:00.004-05:00

Year 2009 was full of many things. Wow. It's a lot to look back on, and some of it I just want to sweep under a rug. There were many good things, but all I can seem to focus on is the heartbreak. But looking though all my files, I saw many things I had forgotten about.

The laundry room renovation and new tile.

My man with the muscles digging this huge stump out of our front yard.

Learning to take pictures with my awesome new camera.

Bethy visited! Yay!

Our nephew Harrison turned two, and it was a Batman themed party.

Isn't my mom pretty? Totally.

Such a majestic dog, our sweet Phoebe.

Lucy is quite the comedian.

Charlie is too. A comedian, I mean. Isn't he a man to love?

Practicing with Snoopy in the carseat. It was one happy moment in time. Okay, so I probably shouldn't stop with this photo, but it's the last one that loaded.

Our pastor was talking last week about finding a new beginning, and a new year is often when people make resolutions and start things. My husband is all geared up for saving money this year and beginning a new budget. I just want to finish things. I want our adoption to be finished, I want to get my book finished and published. I want to finish my job with my head held high and find a new one. Well, I guess that's a new start. I will be beginning a new job somewhere at sometime who knows when and that will be something new to conquer.

Here's to 2010 and what it can bring.

photo card outtakes

2009-12-31T14:30:00.001-05:00

When Charlie and I ventured out to take our Christmas card picture, it was actually quite fun. We went to our local Target shopping center that was decorated for the holidays.

I put my scarf around Charlie's neck, claiming him for myself. He didn't like it.

Here was another pose we tried, but I didn't really want everyone to see my butt sticking out. I know that Christmas cards often end up on refrigerators and such, and I really didn't need my butt all over refrigerators everywhere.

Charlie was getting the tripod set and practiced on me.

This was right after I tried a sexy pose. This was my silly pose. I know, I'm adorable.

Wouldn't you have loved to have this one? I mean, come on, isn't it wonderful? It certainly is me, though.

girls in green

2009-12-30T15:21:00.002-05:00

Meet my mom (Ellen), Charlie's mom (Judy), Charlie's cousin (Gabby) and Charlie's sister (Jessica.) This was Christmas day and they were all dressed in such lovely shades of green.

We had a great time on Christmas Day, with all the family together. Judy did a great job with the meal considering they just remodeled their kitchen and didn't have countertops or a sink!

as promised, peppermint bark

2009-12-26T16:10:00.002-05:00

So on Tuesday when I was Howard Hughesing it (or being a hermit, if you need the translation) I peeled five boxes of candy canes in preparation for making peppermint bark. If you haven't ever had peppermint bark, prepare to meet an easy, delicious treat that is so simple to make you can't even believe it.

Here I am in my Santa apron. Now, I only wear this thing at this time of year. And, if you remember, I don't like Santa, but it seemed appropriate while showing you the recipe for peppermint bark. Don't mock. (and please ignore the two bottles of chocolate syrup, the bag or potatoes and assorted other junk on my counter...if you remember, I had a bad morning making this stuff.) (See previous post if you don't remember!) And no, I'm not showing you the bruise I got from running into the open microwave door.

Now, I make five batches of bark, because I give bark to all the relatives and all our neighbors. It's eagerly anticipated by everyone, and because it is so easy to make, I am able to get it done in a short amount of time. And everyone is happy. It takes one package of white almond bark to one box of candy canes.

I peel the candy canes and put them in a gallon ziploc bag. I use my hands to break them into smaller pieces. Then I use the meat tenderizer to smash the candy canes into little teeny tiny pieces. Smithereens. The definition of smithereens: a noun that refers to the dust in to which I smash the candy canes.

I do this on a cutting board, because the sharp broken candy inevitably pierces the bag and I end up with peppermint dust on the board. And it gets sticky. So don't just do it on the counter, unless you like sticky peppermint covered counters. I also wouldn't recommend pounding more than one box of candy canes in the bag, because I have no idea what amount of candy cane smithereens you need for each batch. It could be a cup, it could be more. Who knows?

Break the bark into a couple of big pieces and place in a microwave bowl. Microwave for three minutes. Stir.

Dump your bag of candy cane smithereens into the melted bark. Stir.

Spread onto a wax paper lined cookie sheet. Now, I don't like my bark to be too thick, so spread it thin. It makes it easier to crack later, after it hardens. Place the cookie sheet into the refrigerator or the freezer. It hardens faster in the freezer, but sometimes I don't have that much space. You'll know it's hard when it loses the shiny look.

When it hardens you pull it out and break it into pieces. I use my hands for this, and start at the edges and work my way to the middle. Five batches probably made about three gallon sized ziploc bags full of peppermint bark. But I divided it into smaller bags and put it into sandwich bags and then into gift bags. Using those special holiday bags would be cute too.

Note: I make one batch at a time. Because of freezer and refrigerator space, and because of how many cookie sheets I have, I do one and then another. If I made two batches together, I would need twice as much space. But a warning, you must wash the bowl in between batches. The bark doesn't react well being re-microwaved once it has melted and hardened on the sides of the bowl. Don't think about the chemical make-up too much, just wash the bowl. Trust me.

Now, Williams-Sonoma makes a really great bark if you don't want to make it yourself. Theirs has a milk chocolate layer underneath, which makes it more Andes mint flavored, but nonetheless wonderful. You could probably make the two layer peppermint bark if you tried, but I haven't yet and can't speak to the ease.

cry today, bake tomorrow

2009-12-23T13:32:00.003-05:00

So today I cried in the shower. Actually, the shower is my favorite place to cry. Something about the way it's already wet in there, and I'm all alone. There's no one running to get me a tissue or try to calm me down. It's just me and the shower tiles. No one is trying to make me stop, or worry that my crying will distract someone or wake them up. I don't have to worry about my makeup or my clothing or where the tissues are. It's a private place to let all my frustrations out and then wash them all away. Down the drain and swept to a whole other place.

Why did I cry? Hmmm. Complicated answer. I watched Julie & Julia this morning, and while I loved the story (what foodie wouldn't? cooking and blogging all wrapped up in one!) there were certain moments that touched the cry button. Like the fact that Julia Child couldn't seem to have children. It's not obviously mentioned in the film...in just two small moments. One where Julia and her husband are walking through the park in front of Notre Dame and she notices a mother pushing a stroller, and her husband pulls her closer and her expression is pained. The other moment is when her sister sends her a letter saying she is pregnant, and Julia bursts into tears. I could identify with those moments. Fleeting as they are, in film and in real life, women who are touched by infertility feel them acutely. This great woman, with all these accomplishments under her belt, wanted children. And did not have any. Makes my small life feel larger somehow. If someone that talented couldn't do it, I shouldn't feel so badly about not procreating either.

But, I got out of the shower and tried to pull on a new attitude. I got in the kitchen to make peppermint bark (post about those details to come later) and attempted to channel both Julia and the Pioneer Woman. Cooking and taking photos. So I take the warm melted bark out of the microwave and stir in the crushed candy canes. Then I walk around the island to where I have placed the cookie sheet. And I run smack dab into the still open microwave door. With my shoulder. Small amounts of bark go flying, and I start crying again. It hurt. Badly. I know I will have a bruise later.

So I'm crying and spreading bark and the dog is barking and I wonder how people get over the bad things that happen to them. Yes, I know sometimes people do bad things to themselves, but I'm not really talking about a drug addiction or being the victim of something horrible. Infertility happened to me. I didn't do it to myself. And how do I really get over it? Get past it? I think an obvious fix will come when we adopt a baby. I won't be able to dwell on being childless when we are no longer childless. That makes sense. But in the meantime, what do I do? How can I be proactive? When we were filling out all the paperwork, I had something to work on, to accomplish. Then we were putting the nursery together, and that gave me purpose. What is my purpose now?

To wait, I guess.

Ugh.

I've said it before, I really try and have a good outlook on all this. I try SO HARD. But the truth is that all that trying wears me out eventually. All the good attitudes and positive spirit are hard to hold up indefinitely. My smiling drama mask slips and the halo tilts and if you're looking right at the right time, you'll see one selfish human underneath. I want. I need. I can't have.

Pity party, table of one.

So tell me, all of you who read this blog, how do I lift my head and keep walking? What are the prayers I should pray? Any ideas for one who is just trying to keep her head above water? I know it's okay to grieve and mourn and be sad on occasion, but I'd like to come out of this a much better me. One who has learned a lesson about something. And I think I'm so far in it that I can't see what the lesson is. I can't see the forest for the trees.

i conquered curling ribbon

2009-12-22T18:09:00.002-05:00

What tends to happen over break is that I have tons more time to blog because I am home from work. But most of you have less time, cause your kids are home with you. And you are entertaining them, not worrying about your blogs. Plus, it's Christmas, so there's that keeping everyone busy.

But I thought I would share a few more of my favorite ornaments. This one is from when I was little, and it certainly is retro looking. But I love how baby Jesus, Joseph and Mary are looking all cuddled up in the stable.

This is one of the other ones that I like, one of my more recent purchases. I think I shared before that I like to find one or two unique ornaments each year to add to my collection. I like an eclectic look, not so matchy-matchy. And I love ornaments as presents. Especially if they have sparkles or glitter.

And I love that this picture is so in focus that you can see the dust on top. Yup. But I like the way the silver sparkles reflect the different colors of the lights. So pretty.

And, this just in, I finally learned how to curl ribbon for the top of presents. I have never been able to do this. Really. I end up with flat stringy ribbons. Truly. I tie the ribbons and then hand them to Charlie to curl. But last night we went over to some friends' house and I learned how to do it! My friend Bethany is a master at it, and I can finally do it! I curled ribbon for several of her presents and I did a good job. I wish I had a picture of it, but I don't. She was so surprised that I couldn't do it, since she thinks I am so crafty, but it was just something I could not do. It's a random skill, I know. And now I can curl with the best of them.

It's a little victory. But a victory nonetheless.

snowed in...

2009-12-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

So when the weatherman calls for snow and you live in North Carolina, you do one of two things: ignore him or run out and buy bread and milk. It's funny here in the middle, where winter really isn't too bad and in the summer you can actually be outside. But when we do get that random winter storm, there's a panicked mentality. Suddenly, the local Harris Teeter has no milk left and the TV runs a constant bar across the bottom telling you all the things that are closed.

I managed to get this shot of the reindeer in our front yard. There are 14 others that are blurry, but this one's not bad!

The Thursday forecast called for the snow to start Friday at noon. This was our last day of school before break and our principal was determined to get us through it. We did not want a day to make up, and in reality, when the weather people say it will start at noon, that really means three. Or not at all. They don't have the best track record with snow. Anyway, the principal decided we would go half day and get everyone out around one. Okay.

But get this: it actually started at noon. The fluffy flakes were coming down, down, down and parents started showing up to get their kids. By one when we were dismissing, half the school was already gone and I was packing up all the gifts I had received to lug to my car. I called home and sure enough, the husband said we needed to get to the store! Normally, my drive home takes about 1o minutes, but everything was dismissing early, so the roads were gridlocked. When I finally arrived, we jumped in the car and went to the store to get supplies for the weekend and next week.

It kept snowing. And snowing. All in all, I think it must have been something like six inches by 9 that evening when we put in a movie. We rented a movies (Tom Hanks in Angels & Demons) and were snuggled up on the couch enjoying our night. In the movie, Tom and his female co-star are pounding on the door of some Vatican office and someone pounds on our front door! To say that we jumped is an understatement. It was our neighbor telling us that everyone was out in the street sledding and we should come out.

I jumped up and put on a pair of pajama pants, a sweatshirt and my coat, boots and gloves. Charlie laughed at my pants, but I don't have a pair of snow pants, and I didn't want to wear jeans. Jeans get wet and stay wet. I ran outside and found the group of people trying to sled. I say trying, because you can't sled on a newly fallen snow. It has to get packed down first. I knew this, but went outside anyway. I had a good little laugh at this, because as a good Alaska girl I know all about sledding. Sleds with rails aren't good unless you have ice. What is really needed is a piece of hard plastic that will slide over the snow. Which we didn't have. The best thing someone had was a boogie board, and I wasn't offered a ride on that. Plus, turns out our neighbor was drunk. She kept shouting that she was glad I came outside.

All this went on and Charlie was still inside putting on clothes. I popped back in and told him what was going on, so we just took a walk around the block in the snow, looking at the Christmas lights before making it back inside to finish our movie. It's a really good movie, by the way. Much better than the DaVinci Code.

So, we braved going to Kohl's yesterday and did some shopping, but our street is really icy and we can't get up our driveway. It'll melt soon enough, but for now we're just enjoying our movie collection and football. The dogs love the snow and so they have had fun, too. It's just funny how here in the middle there is such a panic over the weather. You have to know that somewhere in Canada there are people laughing at us.

Yup. They're laughing.

peppermint candles are yummy...

2009-12-16T19:43:00.003-05:00

So, one of my favorite finds this year has been the Twisted Peppermint candle from Bath and Body Works. Last year, they made Twisted Peppermint foaming hand soap, which was my favorite thing ever. This year, THEY DID NOT MAKE IT! I was so upset, when I went on Black Friday, that they did not have it. They made the TP bubble bath for kids, but not the hand soap.

But the candle is amazing. And not just pretty. The smell is fantastic and wonderful and spreads through the entire house. According to the label it has some fancy kind of scent that is intensified and smells up the house quickly. I don't have to burn it for very long before I'm feeling Christmasy and wishing for a candy cane.

So, although they are a little pricey for candles (reg price $19.99) but I caught them on sale for two for $20. They would make a great gift for someone who likes their house to smell very holiday-y. Yes, that's a real word.

On another note, two more school days left until VACATION! Yes.

freezing cold field trip...

2009-12-14T20:18:00.003-05:00

Okay, today Charlie and I took a field trip to our local Target center to take some Christmas card photos. He was tired of all the in-house photos we had taken in year's past, and thought one out and about would be more fun this year. I have to agree that after seeing them, I really liked his idea.

It was, however, very cold. We took our tripod and set it up and we were only out there for a few minutes, but my hands were like ice when we finally got back in the car. I was wearing my cute coat for the picture, but my gloves are really in my carpool coat that I wear so I won't freeze at school.

So, for all of you who I don't know in real life, and don't have your address or know your last name, here is my internet card to you. Merry Christmas to all of you! Yes, I know it's two weeks early, and maybe I should save this for later, but here it is. I did manage to order my cards online today, and will hopefully get them in a timely manner to get them mailed out. Although, I don't think anyone will mind if the cards get there a little bit late. Does anyone really care if the card arrives on the 27th or the 22nd? Do people keep tabs on that sort of thing?

If you do, don't tell me...

lots of friends

2009-12-10T18:06:00.003-05:00

The last couple of weeks have been busy, but good busy. Lots of time spent with friends and doing fun things. Wow, that was such a well constructed sentence, wasn't it?

On Sunday I helped Ashley (on the right) host a baby shower for our friend Mandy. Both Ashley and Mandy are pregnant with boys. Mandy is due in February and Ashley in March, but since Ashley is having twins, she will probably deliver in February too.

It was a fun afternoon spent with friends and cute little blue baby clothes. I was in charge of the centerpieces and I filled baby bottles with Sweetarts and tied balloons to them. Except I didn't want all the colors of the Sweetarts, so I separated out all the pink and orange ones. Now, I have a pink and orange bag full of tarty goodness.

Below is my friend Alison in the best pic we got using the automatic timer. Of course, my head is cut off, but seriously people, this was the best one of about eight that we took. Alison will verify this, I'm sure. We met up on Black Friday and it was so good to see her. We are high school buddies and haven't seen each other in about seven years. Sooo good to catch up.

This pic below is from my night out to see New Moon. Emily's husband nicely took several pictures of us. You can't tell, but Emily's son ran over to be in the picture and is actually standing there smiling, but was cropped out of the picture. I know one day he will grow up and ask his mommy where the picture is, but sadly I will not have one. Sigh.

You can't really tell from the picture, but my sweater was gray and sparkly. I wore it in honor of Edward and his sparkly skin. I know it's silly, but it seemed appropriate. Emily and Mandy loved it, and I'm sure they rolled their eyes later. And yes, I know I look like a giant. I can't help it. I really am a tall girl, and it always shows in pictures with friends. I'm five foot ten, and in most shoes I'm almost six foot. That's tall for a girl, right? In fact, I know it's tall. There's something like less than three percent of woman over five foot eight. Discovery told me so one day.

Friday night will bring a date with my man. An overnight date with my man. At a bed and breakfast with a bathtub. Don't blush. I'm very excited about my man and the bathtub. And the breakfast that someone else will cook. Date night. Date night. Date night. So glad to get a few hours alone with my man before all the Christmas plays and holiday stuff take over.

Love him.

Talk to you all later. This girl is off to a wonderful weekend.

hark...the real news from this girl

2009-12-08T19:36:00.002-05:00

Hark...it's not a re-post. It's not just a brief update, with a lost promise for more. It is, however, a combination post, where I attempt to conquer two tasks in one: to update you on my recent life and to share some of my favorite Christmas tree ornaments.

The ornament challenge was presented by my illustrious high school friend, Alison, who was just down for a visit on black Friday. She posted about her favorite ornaments and her eclectic taste for ornaments. I have the same eclectic taste, and often buy what I think looks pretty and unique. When decorating my tree, I combine two kinds of ornaments: traditional round glass ornaments in different colors and one-of-a kind ornaments.

This glass angel is one of my faves. She is covered in blue iridescent glitter and when the light hits her she shines and sparkles.

These stars are fantastic, wonderful, special and inexpensive. Michael's has carried them for three years now and I buy more each time I see them. They are plastic iridescent stars, and they catch the light, but don't take up to much visual room. They don't make the tree look overloaded with ornaments, but they add interest and catch the colored lights.

Yes, I use colored lights. Alison pointed out that only uptight anal retentive people use white lights, or at least I think that's what she admitted. I have been a staunch supporter of the colored lights in my own house, but I do appreciate when people put their white light trees in the front windows. I think those look better than the colored light ones in the windows, but I still put colored lights on my tree. At night I will turn off the lights in the room and stare at my tree. It glows and I love the magic of it.

Have I lost you yet? Okay, so here's the skinny on my life right now. I did post a couple of weeks ago that my job will be phased out at the end of the school year. It was a bummer when I first found out, but now has become kind of like a treasure hunt to find something else. I talked to a couple of people, one of which was a friend at church who is an HR rep for her company. She let me send her my resume, so she could help me retool it, but it turns out they had an opening and I went in last week for an interview with her and her boss.

The interview wasn't intense at all, but laid back and conversational. There was a test I had to take, which I am still thinking about to this day, but it wasn't too bad. They told me I did well on it, so I was glad to know that. I won't know anything about the job for awhile, and I do know they were interviewing other people. However it turns out, I feel good getting back in there and starting down the road to finding a new job.

Okay, another ornament. This one was a gift from a student last year, and I love it. It's a little piece of pop culture. I was so excited to receive it, and went immediately home and hung it on my tree. Another teacher at school also got one, but didn't realize it what it was. I told her it was a shopping bag from Bloomingdales! She didn't really know about Bloomingdales, so I can understand why she didn't think it was as wonderful as I did. It totally adds to my collection since we don't have a Bloomingdales here and the family bought it in Chicago for us! I felt really special.

In other updates, our adoption agency is now working with three birthmothers, so there is a good possibility we could hear something soon. Prayers for that, please.

The kids at school are crazy these last couple of weeks before Christmas. I would say that 95% of our students at school celebrate Christmas, but we have had several parents in this week giving talks about Hanukkah. Either way, everyone is antsy to get to the winter break. Me included. I have major book revisions to do, and can't seem to work on it at the end of the day when my brain is fried. Vacation will help.

Oh, this Friday my sweetie of a husband is taking me away to a bed and breakfast for a night away. What a man!

And, if you need a good read, check out Pioneer Woman's Black Heels to Tractor Wheels series. It is the love story between her and he studly husband, Marlboro Man. What a story! I am still thinking about it. It is in the confessions section of her website.

Charlie is currently working on installing an exhaust fan in our master bathroom. Evidently in 1961 when our house was built it was not code to install fans in bathrooms if they had a window. Ours has a window. But I am certainly not going to be opening it while I am showering in December and we were having a moisture issue in there. Hence, the fan. Charlie is doing a great job, but my bathroom is torn apart, because he also is putting in a new light over the sink. So we have been using the smaller guest bath to shower and get ready. It's tight. And I keep having to go back and forth to the bedroom to get things. That part is annoying, but soon it will be over and I can get back in my bathroom and I will have a fan!

Enough? Do you feel like we've caught up? Hope so. If you have questions, leave a comment!

12 tips for buying women christmas gifts (a re-post)

2009-12-04T13:35:00.000-05:00

Chickadee asked about a post of our own that we really liked. I looked back on this one from last year, and it is still appropriate. Gift buying can be hard, when you don't know someone well, or can't make up your mind. Here are some tips!

I thought I would help some people out by posting about what I think is appropriate and NOT so appropriate for gift buying. As a school teacher, I am given gifts at Christmas by many of my lovely students, and I do appreciate them. Mostly. And since I know many of you are Moms, I thought I would help you out when you are selecting gifts for your child's teacher. Although, this list can pretty much apply to buying any kind of gift for a woman, if I may be so bold, so if you need to, print this out and give it to your husband.

(This advice only applies if you are going to buy a gift. If you were not planning on it, or can't afford it, please ignore these tips. But I just know there are so many confused people out there that just don't know what to buy!)

1. Don't spend more than you can afford. Really. Don't. If I know you and know your financial status from things you've said like "I can't afford the good cable, I only have 8 channels" then I know you can't afford to buy me an expensive present. And I will feel guilty if you do. Don't go without food to get me a necklace. I'm ok with a card. And, you can ignore the other tips about what to buy if you just shouldn't be spending your money on gifts and you should be sending it to the credit card company. Dave Ramsey says so.

2. Homemade things are great. I love a great homemade bread or ornament, or craft that shows your personality. It shows you took time to make me something. Now, there is a sidenote to this when giving to teachers: cookies are great, but think about how many we will get. I have 700 students and while I don't get something from everyone, I do get gifts from about 50 families. If everyone made me cookies...see the problem here? And I am on a diet. And I might be allergic to nuts. So, unless you make something really unique and special, buy me some earrings.

3. Food should be combined with small tokens. Again, if you are going to make me food, keep me in mind. If you don't know me well, and don't know I'm on a diet, then you've given me something that I will have to throw away later. I'm sorry about that. But if you combine those cookies with an ornament, or those earrings, say, then I can have something to keep.

4. Know your audience. Don't buy a librarian a gift card to Best Buy unless you have overheard her say "I really need the latest and greatest 55 inch plasma flat screen tv to hang on my wall right next to the stockings." Think about what they like and stick to it. I promise you, I LOVE it when I get Barnes and Nobles cards.

5. If you don't know your audience, get a generic gift card. Everyone can use Target cards if you have a Target near you, but not everyone likes Cucumber Melon lotion/bubblebath/soap/candles/body spray, etc. I know they sell those gift packs EVERYWHERE, and that seems to be the go-to gift if you don't know what else to buy, but if I can't return it or exchange it, please, get a gift card or make me something. If you know me, then you know I get headaches from strongly scented stuff, and I only like citrus scented things.

6. Don't overspend. You may know that I want this $50 sweater cause we casually talked about it, but if you are only an aquaintance, and I'm just going to give you a card, don't buy me that sweater. Please. It will only make me feel bad that I didn't spend the same amount. That negates the pleasure I will get from the sweater.

7. Pottery Barn is also a safe choice. Well, not for everyone, just me. Again, know your audience. I really can't stress this enough.

8. Time is a great gift, but you have to follow up. If you give someone a night of free babysitting, call them in two weeks and set the date. Many people love this gift, but feel shy about redeeming it. Offer to pick up your mom's leaves or help paint a room, but follow up.

9. If you don't know someone well, but want to do something for the holiday, pick out a nice card and write a heartfelt note. For example "Dear Stranger, I am really glad that we met this year and I look forward to getting to know you better. Isn't it great that we have XYZ in common? I'm so thankful to whoever for introducing us and I hope you have a wonderful holiday." See? Friendship is a great gift.

10. Don't exchange gifts...just go out for coffee or the movies or dinner together. I think togetherness is an awesome gift. Don't get me a candle....but maybe you and I can go hit the after christmas sales together and have lunch. I'll buy your lunch and you buy mine. Deal?

11. Little things are special. An ornament from a unique place, a pair of silly socks, silver earrings, a pin, some gloves. A gesture is sometimes all you need.

12. When in doubt, ask. ASK! Say "Hey friend, I wanted to get you something for Christmas, but I don't know what you might like. Here are the ideas I had....is there something you would like?" By default the person will usually say "don't get me anything" cause they're being nice, but then usually they'll give you some hint. I think it's great when my mom asks me what I want instead of getting me a Snowman Sweater that I won't wear. This year when people asked we told them add to our adoption account. It's what we need right now. And I know some people will still give us gifts instead, but my family is sighing in relief that they can just give us cash. See? They know their audience.

Now, you don't have to take my advice, you don't. Not at all. But if you struggle every year to think of something to buy someone, read back through the tips again and then really think about that person. If you can't think of their hobbies or likes, then get a gift card to Target or a restaurant and put a bow on it. They will love you. I promise.

in case you missed me...

2009-12-03T10:48:00.001-05:00

I'm here. I'm alive. Just busy. These last three weeks before Christmas are going to be verrry hectic, and even though I have stories to tell, I haven't been near my home laptop in about a week. I'm typing this hurridly at school in case anyone has been missing me and fearing the worst has happened.

No, I am not trapped under a pile of books. Sometimes I think that, but it hasn't happened yet.

Hopefully, I will get a chance to share more later, but it might be the weekend before that happens.

fudge truffle cheesecake

2009-11-25T13:11:00.002-05:00

Here's something I'm thankful for:

Doesn't that look scrumptious? It was. This was one of the best birthday presents I received. It is so rich and creamy that I could only eat small pieces, and drink a glass of milk. Then, because of all the pies I am about to make, I froze the rest. I will eat it piece by small piece. Yum.

Have a thankful, wonderful, delicious, turkey-filled, restful thanksgiving. I wish you all the best.

a not so happy bithday present

2009-11-23T19:47:00.003-05:00

So, one of my not so favorite birthday gifts was the chopping down of a tree in our front yard. It was cut down under my protest, and in this first shot you can see the guy up in the tree chopping limbs off. I don't like him.

He left behind some sawdust, and a whole bunch of branches and twigs in my yard. Charlie only wanted to pay for the tree to come down, he didn't want to pay for them to take it away, which is what I wanted.

Here I am, looking sad. It was not the most fun part of my whole birthday weekend.

Here is Charlie, looking rather triumphant, wouldn't you say? He looks mighty proud of himself, I do think. He looked happy until he had to start chainsawing the stuff and hauling it down to the curb.

AND, he made me help him. Yes, can you believe that? I didn't want anything to do with it, but there I was outside, in the cold, taking logs to the curb for people to pick up for firewood. There was much grumbling on my part.

Doesn't he know how I feel about trees? Yes, he does. And he's planning to take another one down that is hanging over our house, but he has promised to replace it with something nice. I told him that some sapling he could buy at Home Depot couldn't replace a 100 year old tree, but I was overruled. It seems to happen a lot lately.

Oh, well. Goodbye tree. You lived a good life, and I will miss your pretty leaves. Charlie will NOT miss your gumballs.

new moon's arisin'

2009-11-22T19:21:00.005-05:00

I'm too lazy to actually upload the couple of shots I took from my birthday weekend, but let's just say it was fun. Ohmy. Yes. It was fun.

It started on Friday (my actual birthday) when my mom brought me lunch at work and some new picture frames that I had been asking for as a present. The school also gives each staff member the cake of their choice for their birthday, so I was presented with a fudge truffle cheesecake. YUM. Pics of that to come. You know I have pics of the cake.

Friday night was dinner out with our friends Phil and Bethany, and a $20 gift certificate to Kohl's. YAY! Saturday morning I slept in, then cleaned the bathroom, then got ready for the big night out.

The big night out included this:

Yup. Edward and Bella and that other dude in the film. My two friends Emily and Mandy escorted me to the movies and then to dinner. Emily gave me the sweetest book and a posie pin that I immediately stuck on my coat. The movie was so much fun, and when you see a movie on the opening weekend, you know the other people in the theater are also fans. And they were. There was such a camaraderie in there, and people actually cheered when that wolf dude took his shirt off.

Okay, here is my review of the film. It was really good. It was certainly better than the last one, and was very true to the book, with only some small embellishments or changes. Edward is still a tad moody for my taste. The wolf dude was much cuter once he cut his hair, but we know he'll never have a chance with Bella, and when Emily wanted her to pick him, I threw Nerds at her. I did. I liked the ending and am excited about the next installment, since Eclipse was my favorite of the books. It's been fun that both movies were released so closely to my birthday.

But they still didn't paint the kitchen cabinets yellow. And Bella's bed is on the wrong side of the room. And the color Kristen Stewart's hair is in the photo is more what I think the color of Bella's hair should be. Not quite so dark. Yes, I'm picky. Whatever.

After the movie, we had a really nice dinner and all went home feeling happy. It was a great night, and a fun birthday outing. Today, my mom cooked lunch for Charlie and I and his parents and niece and nephew, and his mom gave me a really neat cookbook. Just in time for Thanksgiving. YAY.

So now I am exhausted and I have to work tomorrow. It's been a good weekend. Oh, and I turned 33. I keep forgetting that part.

Feel free to stick around and look at that picture. You know you want to.

new specs

2009-11-19T16:55:00.001-05:00

If you wear glasses, you know how important it is to pick out new frames. I had been putting it off and putting it off, cause I just wasn't seeing anything out there that was me. The trend of dark plastic frames with a bright color on the inside just didn't work on my face. They seemed to heavy, to old fashioned. I'm already a librarian, and I didn't need to look any MORE nerdy.

These seemed to work. They are a little more elongated than my previous pair, to balance out my round face. And you can't really tell here, but they are a burgundy red color. I like them. They have taken a bit to get used to, because they have the transitions lenses that change in the sunlight, but overall I like them.

What cha think?

don't hate me, Lula

2009-11-17T15:09:00.000-05:00

And anyone else who loves to read YA novels. One of the major perks of my job is purchasing books for the library. Last Monday was a half day and so I spent the better part of the afternoon at Barnes and Nobles, perusing the racks and making selections. I ended up with two boxes full of books that I brought home and sorted through.

When it comes to YA literature, I have to be careful. My school is k-8 and not all YA books are meant for middle school kids. In fact, I know, according to my other aspiring writer buddies, that most YA is meant for high school age kids. But, in a world where everyone wants to be older, my students are reading them as well. And not all are shining examples of how teens should act. But that isn't my main point, here. I can whine about that later.

My point is that I pulled some aside, some that I found to be on the borderline, that I needed to read first before shelving. And I pulled a couple that I wanted to read first before shelving.

This is the perk. I spent $635 of the school's money on books. That I get to read. And don't have to buy or wait til it comes out in paperback. Sheer luxury. I am going to enjoy it while I can, because once this job is over come May, I will be just like everyone else.

One that I discovered was this one, called North of Beautiful, by Justina Chen Headley. What a wonderful book. AHhhh, it's the kind I love to read. There's a little bit of romance and some basic teenage angst, but there's also an adoption sideline (which I loved), a trip to China and the main character dealing with a facial birthmark she wants removed. Such a lovely and important story that teenage girls need to read. I could gush on and on about it, but you can just read it for yourself and know I'm right.

getting the axe, kind of

2009-11-14T17:51:00.002-05:00

It started with a conversation. My coworker and I were talking about having a job versus having a passion for what you do. It was casual, a couple of comments between classes at our school, but there was a serious undertone. I knew where this would be going...he was applying for a new job. Well, for his passion.

And so, the technology facilitator at our school left to become a head baseball coach, and it was hard for me to watch him leave. As the school's librarian, he and I worked closely together and shared the same space. The computer lab is in the library, and his desk was in the lab. We could talk to each other over bookshelves and coffee and it was a great working relationship.

I was so excited for him to be able to make a living at his passion. Coaching baseball at a college had been what he dreamed of doing for such a long time, and while it was sad to see him go, I could totally understand it. Like the Sam Adams beer commercial says, "find something you love to do and you'll never work another day in your life."

But his leaving complicated my position. Seems the corporate office that runs our school believes one person can do both jobs...be a librarian and oversee all the technology. And so the job will be changing, I was notified late one Friday afternoon. I am welcome to apply for the new job, but am not qualified, so I quickly bowed out.

I have my job through the end of the school year, and then the new person will take over. Well, technically, he/she could get hired and start sooner, but wouldn't assume all the duties until next fall. So, basically, I got nine months notice on my job. Who else gets that much time?

Yes, I sound okay about this. That's largely because most of this happened in the middle of September and it is now November. At first I was really angry about it, but now I see how there is so much out in front of me. So many possibilities. While I do need to be able to pay my bills, and will have to do something, I am thinking about doing some courses online to change careers. Who knows what I will become? Here's my chance to change and overcome the fear of what will I do? What should I have done when I was 18 and didn't know what decision to make?

Yes, I am nervous. Yes, there is much to think about. Yes, I am grieving leaving these kids and the staff and my friends there. But there's a whole world out in front of me.

I did wait awhile to tell you all, and it wasn't because I didn't think you couldn't provide support or prayers. It was because my attitude was wrong, and I didn't want to share that with you. I didn't need you to see me stamp my feet and whine that it wasn't fair, and yes, I did those things. But I want to share now, because I do need the prayers and support and advice.

Thanks for being there.

proof...here's proof

2009-11-08T15:31:00.003-05:00

Yes, I love to take pictures, and I have filed up an entire SD card with images of nature: flowers, leaves, plants, etc. The colors of fall are amazing, and are only around for a brief time.

Lovely. So lovely. Lovely, that is, until they fall.

My husband has been working on the yard recently and has been doing such a great job. He has asked me a couple of times to help out, and here's proof that I have indeed been outside, helping. He said that since I love the trees so much, I should be in charge of collecting their droppings. It's a small price to pay to have the trees, so I put on my old silver sparkly tennis shoes and a sweatshirt, which I didn't need once it got hot, and got out there. Yup, I spent time with my lovely trees. The Queen of the Indoors is slowly expanding her kingdom.

I blew leaves! (such a great action shot, taken by my hubsie.) Many, many, many leaves. Many little gum balls from the sour gum tree. Doggie doo mixed with leaves and sour gum balls. Two and a half hours of blowing leaves down toward the curb. These pictures were taken within the first 15 minutes, when I was still having fun. At the end of the night I could barely lift my water glass with my right arm.

What I never understood about leaf blowers is this: it takes muscle to move them forward. It's basic physics, I guess. In order for the leaves to continue moving down the yard toward the street, I have to keep walking forward, while the air wants to press me back. It's not a great amount of pressure, but you notice it more when you do take a couple of steps backwards and the air helps you. It's propelling itself backwards, while you (and your wimpy arm muscle) are making it go forward.

Here I am digging up a hydrangea plant and moving it down the yard to another spot. I dug things up, people. I know you can't believe it, but this fall I have been kinda helpful. Not extremely helpful, mind you, but somewhat helpful.

Okay, so you have proof that while I may love the indoors and taking pictures, I can assist in some ways outside. I may have to hand my title to someone else, if this helpfulness keeps up. We'll see. Most likely, you will see more pictures of lovely leaves, and less of me working, but you never know when I might help again. It's a mystery.

couple friends are hard to find.

2009-11-04T15:50:00.002-05:00

I know this is random, but I read another post today about couple friends. You know what I mean, when you and your significant other find another couple to hang out with. This is hard. So hard. And maybe my husband and I are just weird, but here's what happens:

I like the girl but my husband doesn't like the guy. Or maybe just doesn't have much in common with the guy. Like, my husband likes football, and can talk for hours about it, and that is his conversation starter most times. If the answer is "well, I like auto racing," there probably isn't going to be much conversation.
He likes the guy, but I don't like the girl. The same situation, but in reverse. My husband and the guy may have sooo many things to talk about, but me and the wife? Zippo.
Neither of us like the guy, but we both like the girl. This has happened more than once, and is very awkward. Guys in their twenties tend to be immature, right? And while I might can deal with my husband's particular brand of immature, I may not be wired for the other guy's kind.
The girl is totally annoying. We wish he didn't have to bring her. Laugh. This only happened once. Cause we only went out the one time. True story.
We're the wrong age or the wrong stage in life. You know. You don't have kids and they have kids. And it's easier for kids to be at their own house, so you'd rather go there, but you can't really invite yourself over. Although, I have done it once and said, "I'll bring dinner if you host it." Kids just have a better time in their own habitat with their own toys. The other problem is ages. Charlie and I tend to click with older couples, and one of our closest friends has grown kids. We have a good time most of the time, but we can't relate to all of their issues. I haven't had to pay for a kid to go to college... I don't have kids.
Proximity. You know, you used to be close because you worked with her, but now you've switched jobs and don't call as much. It was so easy when you could talk at lunch about the weekend, or plan things over email, but now you actually have to call her and set it up.
They've switched churches. This is a big one, cause is creates an elephant in the room. I hate this one.

Are these enough reasons to make it difficult? Has this ever happened to you? Got any suggestions about how to smooth out this process and gather up more friends? I would love for Charlie and I have to have couples over more often, and we do have friends we can call, but most of the time it's a "me out with someone" or a "him out with someone" scenario. And that's just fine, but I'd like to expand our horizons. Think about it.

national adoption awareness month

2009-11-03T08:50:00.003-05:00

So, November is National Adoption Awareness Month, and I think it's great that someone actually thought to make this a month to celebrate and get out there. I think most people know about adoption, but getting more women to choose adoption is the goal, I would think. Or, getting out the idea that adoption is a perfectly acceptable way of building a family and that the child who is adopted is just as normal as the next kid. There may be more issues to deal with as a family, but adopted kids know love and family just like you and I do.

Many of you know that my husband and I are in the process of trying to adopt a baby. And you know that we came close last May, with a birthmom who ultimately chose to parent her baby. And that it almost broke me in two. But here I am, back in the saddle, ready to try it again. Hoping it will come soon. Praying for God's timing and His blessing on our family.

Adoption is a gift. The gift of life and the gift of love. It's so much more, but at the bottom line it's all about love. A mother who chooses to let her child go, who loves the baby so much they want a better life for her than she can provide. It's amazing. Each time I read an adoption story, I get the chills. It touches so many.

I am linking this up to Emily's Tuesday's Unwrapped, because I want to celebrate the journey that I am on. I am asking for prayers and awareness. If you can help spread the love of adoption, or support an adoption agency in your town, please do so. If all you can do is pray for our adoption situation, I will welcome those prayers.

Our adoption blog is here, and our agency website (New Life Christian Adoptions) is here. And if you can, read the post on the adoption blog about advertising and make a suggestion.

introducing Oreo the goat and one proud Yankee Fan

2009-11-01T15:00:00.003-05:00

Here is one happy Yankee Fan, sitting at our Fall Family Festival (a trunk or treat event.)

He was so proud of his decorations! And as each kid came to get candy, he asked them who they were pulling for and we tallied it up. Some of the kids had absolutely no idea, but went with the Yankees cause Charlie was wearing his Yankee hat, coat and listening to the game on the radio.

While he did this, I went over and played with the goats and llamas at the petting zoo the church brought in. This is Oreo. She was very happy to eat out of my hand. Cute, for a goat, I guess.

I think I have shared before that I grew up in a family that didn't celebrate halloween, and so all this is new to me. Charlie still is the one with more enthusiasm for the day, but I go along and take pictures and look at all the cute kids. Toward the end of the night when they all get hyper, I wanna bail, but that could happen anywhere I suppose.

All in all, it was a fun night and not cold like last year. Oreo was thankful for that, I think.

pumpkin carving

2009-10-24T12:23:00.003-04:00

Last weekend Charlie and I went over to our friend's Phil and Bethany's apartment to have dinner and carve pumpkins. We had bought a pumpkin at Home Depot the previous weekend, but when we went to take it with us, it had a moldy spot on the back. It wouldn't have bothered me, but I was afraid that when we started cleaning out the inside, it would be rotten inside, too. So off to the store we went again, to pick out another pumpkin.

Charlie deemed this the perfect pumpkin. He talked about it over and over again about this being the perfect, classic pumpkin. It got old after awhile.

Bethany made a wonderful dinner of chicken pot pie and corn casserole. We stuffed ourselves and then began to clean out the pumpkins. Charlie cut the top off, and then disappeared into the living room to play video games with Phil, leaving Bethany and I to clean out the pumpkins. It was supposed to be a couples activity, but it became a girls thing once they discovered how slimy and gooey the inside's were.

I liked to use a spoon to scrape the insides and then dump it into the trash can. I couldn't decide what kind of pumpkin to do, and in the end I carved a girly one, with swept aside bangs and full lips.

Bethany made a Dallas Cowboys pumpkin, since she and her man are big Cowboys Fans!

Although my lips kinda look like a mustache, which I laughed at, but they do look nice lit up. It was a fun night and we were happy when we went home!

the book fair has rolled out...

2009-10-21T18:11:00.003-04:00

Sorry I've been away for so long. It's because the Book Fair has been in town and I have come home exhausted every day, and yesterday was our Donuts with Dads event which starts at 7am. Which means I was there at 6am, which meant I was up at 5am. That may not sound early to some of you moms out there, but I normally don't get up until 6:45am. I'm always at my desk by 7:30...I just move fast in the morning.

But the Book Fair has left my library and things will be back to normal tomorrow. Yay. I love how much money we always raise from the BF and how many books I can buy, but our fair is quite the production, as you can tell. We completely empty out our small computer lab and cover the bookshelves in the library.

It's been an overwhelming experience to have my workspace turned upside down. I really enjoy all the fun that it brings, but it is not the calm, quiet place that my library normally is.

In the coming days I will share our pumpkin carving experience and some things that are going on at work. There is stuff to share but my mind can't even wrap around it all right now. No, it's not adoption stuff. There isn't anything going on in that front.

Talk to you soon!

an ode to almond butter

2009-10-13T19:43:00.003-04:00

I have made a new friend: almond butter. Oh my. I never knew anything could taste so yummy. I am trying to eat less things that will irritate my bladder and peanuts are on that list. I don't know why, but the doctor gave me a pamphlet with all the various things to avoid and peanuts were on the list. It said that I could eat almonds though, and I needed a substitute for peanut butter.

I found this next to the peanut butter, and although I wasn't sure about it when I bought the jar, I really do like it. I only recently discovered that I like almonds, so this is all new to me. For some reason, the skin on almonds has always bothered me, until recently. Somehow, I tried them in a mix I had and decided they were okay. It's interesting to see what I suddenly like now that I am older. In the last year I have discovered hollendaise sauce, grits, poached eggs and now almonds and almond butter.

What have you discovered taste-wise lately? Anything new?

a photo shoot with Phoebe

2009-10-12T18:13:00.003-04:00

So, Mommy has this new camera and she is always practicing taking pictures and she thinks I am particularly photogenic, and I guess I am pretty. Yes, I am a pretty girl, uh, dog. The other day she took some pictures outside, because inside it is hard to get pictures of my eyes. They don't come out right, but in the sunlight they look nice.

Here I am on the porch, looking pretty good.

Here is a close up of my eyes, which are kind of a blueish white. I am a Husky-Lab mix and you can certainly see the Husky in my eyes and in the shape of my tail.

So I posed for my mom a little bit and then I tried to lick the camera and then I heard a siren and howled for a minute. Mom has always wanted to take a picture of me howling, but I am hard to catch as it is often in the middle of the night, or she doesn't have the camera when I do it. She was happy to catch it.

After this photo shoot, I was tired. I told Mommy to take a break and I took five. Modeling is hard work.
I must say that I love the fall and being outside. I have heavy fur and so these cooler temperatures are just perfect for me! I think I'll take a nap and dream of chasing birds and eating bones. My favorites.

click, click, click

2009-10-08T23:51:00.000-04:00

Go and read the post on our adoption blog. There isn't any big news, but a prayer request. Check this post, please.

Thanks!

wedding dress white

2009-10-07T18:46:00.002-04:00

A story of several wedding dresses and my random sewing skills. Several years ago in June I went to the church early for a wedding with my husband, who was doing the sound for the wedding of our Pastor's middle daughter, Lauren. I ended up helping out as the wedding director was running around and when the bride's mom went to practice bustling up the dress, there was no loop.

We looked and looked and looked for the loop. There was lots of lace and beading on the skirt and we thought maybe we were missing something, but it just wasn't there. The hook was there, but there was nothing to hook the hook onto. Problem.

So that's how I ended up like this, ten minutes before Lauren walked down the aisle.

I said to someone, "if you have a needle and white thread, I could probably make a loop. It wouldn't be hard." So we ran around, looking for a needle. Turned out the reception decorator had a needle, but only had black thread. We looked around some more and I noticed that some she was using some cheesecloth, which is basically thread. We tore some thread off the edge and I ran down the hallway to the holding room and had Lauren lean against this cubby thing while I swore I wouldn't poke her and sewed on a loop of thread. In the picture she is meeting one of her fiancee's relatives while I am sewing.

It was one of the most random instances of my life, when my sewing skills came in handy and I was able to help. And I love that someone captured it on camera.

Two, I have gotten addicted to the TLC show Say Yes to the Dress where brides come to Kleinfeld's bridal salon and look a wedding dresses. I love it. I liked picking out my own wedding dress and find it fun to watch others figure out what they like. It's fun when they get all emotional and cry choosing their gowns. But the interesting point about the one I watched today, was that one of the customers on this rerun was Kate Gosselin, who was picking out the dress for her vow renewal. I found it sad to watch, as she was so excited to find a dress and was thinking about what Jon would like her in and what made her feel pretty. The whole situation with Jon and Kate is so sad and slightly disturbing. There is so much trash out there about them, and I just feel bad that their kids will be able to dig it up someday. Everything lives out there on the internet.

Remember that wisdom, folks. Everything lives forever on the internet. It takes a court order when you die to have someone shut your blog or Facebook account down, I read recently. They are looking into changing that, but it will live on long past you. And that may not be a good thing.

Okay, that was a sidebar, but those are my thoughts on wedding dresses. Did you love yours? I liked mine a lot. I think I looked really good in it and felt pretty that day. It's what I could hope for on my day. Tell me about yours.

a walk around the neighborhood

2009-10-03T17:16:00.002-04:00

Today we walked around the neighborhood and looked at some yards and landscaping. Our yard is in great need of work and Charlie started today by digging out some stumps left from plants we cut down. But we took the walk to look at what other people have done in their yards. I found several little gems of things that I liked and saw these flowers.

This blue one was one of my favorites. There is a teeny tiny bee on the center one. He was friendly.

I hate these plants (cope berry bushes?) but the berries are pretty.

I have no idea what the little purple berries are, but they seemed happy and friendly in the sunshine.

I have been enjoying my new camera lens (18-200) and learning how to work it, and I think I have finally figured out how to work the macro setting. I still can't get as close as I can with the standard 18-55 lens. I do love the softness of the bokeh. Lovely. Double click on these photos and you can see them in all their large glory. Such loveliness.

what's the right thing?

2009-09-30T20:09:00.002-04:00

The other morning I was getting ready to turn right at a stoplight when a funeral procession crossed in front of me. When my light turned green, the people in the procession stopped, and I was pretty sure they were supposed to keep going, even through a red light. My problem was, the procession was going down a four lane road, completely taking up one lane, but leaving the other empty.

I turned.

But it felt really weird driving next to the people with their flashing lights the policeman up front. Oncoming traffic was stopping, even though their was a middle lane. The police car did stop at several red lights, and it seemed to be following me for miles. I almost wanted to roll my window down when I was stopped next to the cop to ask what I was supposed to do. I do not remember from driver's ed what the rules are, and I don't come across them very often.

I think I should have let the whole procession go and stayed at the light, from what I can gather from the internet. Each state has different laws and talks about what people IN the procession should do: proceed through lights until the police car stops. Nothing told me what I should have done.

One person said that it is the last way we can pay respect to the dead and their families, and I get that. I do. And in the moment I was thinking about getting to where I was going. It did feel weird to pass the hearse, but there was a car behind me that was going really fast and I didn't want to stop in front of them. I feel bad about it, but wondered if anyone really knew the rules, or if there were laws governing it.

spiderman, spiderman

2009-09-26T18:52:00.002-04:00

I came outside the other day and stretched between a tree and our ivy plants was this huge spider web, floating in the air. It was about 12 inches across and a foot and a half long. Today when it was raining, all the little droplets were stuck to it and it was really pretty.

It was hard to get a picture, because the camera wants to focus on the background and I wasn't sure how close I wanted to get to the web. I did not see the spider, and since I didn't know his whereabouts, I didn't want to get get close. I took three pictures and then went back inside.

Just thought I would show what has been the prettiest part of the last two weeks. It has been completely rainy here, and the one day that was sunny was soooo hot we'd all rather have the rain. But then today it rained and the temperature dropped. Not so great.

I suppose I could be philosophical about how hard the spider worked or how intricate the web was, or something, but I am not in that place. I could write about how dedicated the spider was, but really, he's just trying to catch some food and as soon as it stops raining, I am going to take a stick and knock it down. I have no love for spiders and my husband is scared of them, so it becomes my job to kill him. In fact, he hasn't really gotten that close to the web.

I am grumpy, can you tell? Things aren't happening that I want to happen, and other things that aren't that great ARE happening, and I wish they wouldn't. Life is confusing and I am tired of being in the rain.

Sunshine is much better for my psyche.

I'm not a camping kind of girl

2009-09-22T21:11:00.002-04:00

Well, this has been a busy day, and on those kinds of busy days I like to stare out the windows and look at nature. I may be the Queen of Indoors, but I love to look at nature. Look, and take pictures of nature. I mean, we know I like trees and leaves and flowers and such, but I find it very calming. If I was that kind of hiker girl or camping person, I might actually go spend time in the wild. I used to do that kind of stuff when I was a kid, all the time. My dad liked to go and climb mountains and such, and we kids always got dragged along.

I find such beauty in the small moments where the sun shines through the trees and leaves and glows. I love the way leaves can look like stained glass windows when the light is just right. The late evening light in the summer combined with dripping trees creates nature's version of jewelry...sparkly.

It's how I know everything comes together for those that love Him. The seasons show us that every year. Plants are born, they flourish, they retreat for a season to bloom again in the sun. He created that. He showed us that everything and everyone takes a turn. I may never have fortune or fame of change the world in some indelible way, but I can sparkle for him, even when dripping wet with tears.

I may be waiting, I may be wondering, I may be wishing and hoping and praying, but I don't doubt that my turn will come. My time for rejoicing will come, in time. In His time. I have to trust that this waiting season is for a purpose. I may not always like it, but it's the reality of my life.

I can sparkle for him, even when dripping wet with tears. Because He shines.

good things

2009-09-20T18:10:00.002-04:00

My husband loves candles during the fall/winter. He doesn't like them any other time, really, but about this time every year he starts smelling candles in every store we visit. Yesterday, we were in TJ Maxx and Target and he was sniffing his way down the aisle of candles, trying to find one for fall. He likes the house to smell like pumpkin pie and baked goods, and around Christmas I like the cranberry ones or pine scented ones.

Let me also admit that finding a candle is a challenge for us, because I am extremely sensitive to scents. Anything really strongly floral or fake smelling (like beach scented candles?) give me a headache. It's one of the major reasons I don't wear perfume. Usually, citrus scented things are okay, but those aren't the scents for fall. We normally compromise a little and don't burn them for too long, but just enough to get the smell.

I was trying out my new camera lens (sigma 18-200 OS, in case you care) and took this photo of some sticks in a vase. I love the way the warm wall color makes me think of fall, and trees losing their leaves. If you've read my blog for any length of time, or even think really about the title, you know that I love trees, in any state, except chopped down. Each season with trees is interesting for me, from the sprouting to blooming to lush green summer fullness to the warm colors they display in fall. I love trees. Seriously.

I love pumpkin pie and chai lattes, mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving, carving pumpkins, decorating my Christmas tree and shopping for presents. Fall is full of fun and cooler weather, my birthday (and the New Moon movie), and shopping. Did I mention the shopping?

Oh, and the most amazing thing happened the other day. After reading the Nester's guest post from a blogger who was having her house foreclosed upon, I wished there was something I could do. There really wasn't, of course, since I don't know this person in real life and my little contribution wouldn't have helped them keep their house. BUT, when I went to the grocery store a couple of hours later, the Urban Ministries program was collecting food for their food bank and listing the kinds of people they helped. People who had lost their housing was one of the groups they mentioned! So I shopped around the store and included several extra cans of things I was buying for the Urban Ministries. And after I bought my groceries, I took my bag back to the little man who was manning the table and he was so cute! Old and crinkled, but talking to people about donating to the Urban Ministries. I felt so good about helping, even though it wasn't helping the Nester's Guest Blogger, but it would help someone in my community. And it's so easy when stores put out collection baskets, because you can shop and hand the stuff off right then. Such a great idea!

Maybe that wasn't the most amazing story you've ever heard, but it made me feel good to help out a little. It didn't cost me much and I felt so good about contributing. You can too, you know! Buy a can of soup for someone in need, if you can, of course. There was a time in my life when I was on the other end and the church was bringing our family groceries. It all cycles around. Do what you can, when you can.

That's a good motto: do what you can, when you can.

little leaves, almost unnoticed

2009-09-16T19:59:00.002-04:00

These little leaves were on the side of a tree, sticking out all by themselves. They weren't on a branch high up in the sky, but at about my eyeline, asking for a little bit of sunshine and attention. I thought it was a unique sight on a 60 feet tree. Two little leaves. Unnoticed by anyone but me.

Do you ever feel like that? Unnoticed? Trying your hardest for a little sunshine and attention, but the branches of the tree are so large and so high up that you can't even find the tiniest sliver of light? I throw myself a pity party every once in awhile, whining about "why me?" and "Isn't my life hard enough already?" It's not healthy, but we all end up there every once in awhile. Wanting to know why things aren't going our way, when most of the time we're just victims of circumstance, not some evil plot to make us hurt.

If you have been a reader for any length of time, you know that we are going through the adoption process. You might know I have interstitial cystitis, a bladder disorder that is completely miserable at times. You might know that I have had a hard time with my job a year ago, and struggled through improving myself. You may know we were matched with a birthmother who changed her mind about placing the baby for adoption after the baby was born.

All these things add up to pain and suffering. I have every right to want to sit in my home and cry. But I don't. I choose to get up everyday and live my life and try to be the best wife, daughter and employee I can be. Somedays that's harder than others.

My God is bigger than all of this misery. I believe that He sees me and knows my troubles and wants to reach out His hand to help me. I believe that His plan is to bring me joy, not sorrow. I want to live my life under His grace, trusting in Him. I believe in His salvation.

He notices me. He sees me trying to find the light, not in the way that means I'm dead, but in a way that means I am trying to find His glory. He knows my name, as the song goes. He knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call. It's true.

meet MeiMei

2009-09-14T21:42:00.003-04:00

Let me let you in on something wonderful, for some lovely bloggy friends of mine. Mommy Womble, the kind lady that designed my blog, was raising money to adoption a baby from China. I have been following her story for a year and a half now, and today, after almost a week in China, they met their daughter for the first time. The pictures are enough to make you cry, and I did. I'm a big sap and I know it. I can admit it.

Click here to be taken to the Womble Times to meet MeiMei. She is adorable. The picture show takes a minute to load, but let it take the time. The longer it loads, the more pictures you see, and trust me, there are some to in there to warm your heart.

proposal stories and the reality of marriage

2009-09-12T19:53:00.002-04:00

I want to say that I loved all the proposal stories you shared. Most of you had such wonderful stories of how you were asked to marry the man of your dreams, and many of you at least dropped hints to your man about what you wanted. I found that comforting. And I wasn't the only one who actually went with her man and pointed to the one she wanted.

Here's my man. Ain't he dreamy?

No, he isn't always fancy or cleanshaven, but he's my man and he loves me. Who knows why he loves me, but he does and today he took me to buy curtain rods for our dining room. Sweet, huh?

Today he and I talked about the fact that I'm still grieving over the failed placement of the baby in May. And it's not that I'm sad all day, everyday, but it's that I'm sad sometimes. We were ready to be a family and that didn't happen. My summer of rest gave me time, but today my husband reminded me that it's time to move on. Get ready for the next baby who will come our way. It's time to pick up the pieces and put myself back together.

This post isn't really about adoption, but about marriage. It's hard to have those conversations sometimes about the hard things. Or embarrassing things. Or family related things. Or financial things. When Charlie and I went to our first premarital counseling session, our pastor told us about the three things that most couples fight about: sex, money and family. And he was right. Sex is complicated at times, money isn't easy, even if you have a whole bunch of it, and family gets in the way sometimes. It all comes out of love, but it all tangles together and creates a mess if left unchecked.

We do a pretty good job talking about most things and we struggle to talk about the more serious issues. Tempers get high and feelings get hurt. But it's important to get the thoughts out and talk about them. It's the only way to improve our relationship, though, to talk it through. I wish that I could say it always solves things, but it at least let's us know that we care.

And that was Charlie's point. He cares about me and wanted to let me know that he sees my pain and grief, but wants to help me heal. I am thankful that even though it isn't easy, he can be brave and bring up the hard things. It was important to him, and he wanted to know what was important to me.

In your life, what is important to you? I had these items on my list:

Faith.
Charlie.
Family and pets (can't forget the furry babies)
My home and house.
My job and the students I teach.
My creative outlets: writing, photography, cooking, blogging

Things that are not on my radar:

Yard work.
Automotive repair.
Football.
Telemarketers.
Tanning.

These are just a few that come to mind. Charlie also pointed out that I like a lot of alone time, and it was something I never really realized about myself. I do. I like alone time. I like the peace and quiet of a house to myself when I can do whatever I want, like read or watch Project Runway or blog, without feeling like I should be doing something else. I can spend hours alone. I can spend days without leaving my house and still feel content. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I want to get out and wander around and get things done, but this summer I spent much time at home with the quiet.

It's interesting how much we've grown since we got married. We really have learned a lot about each other and I know we will continue to learn even more about each other as we travel this life together. I know my thoughts here aren't perfected or written out in a manner that makes a whole bunch of sense, but it's on my mind.

What's on your mind?

meeting challenges head-on

2009-09-10T20:07:00.002-04:00

This week I have spent most of my time in bed with a really bad cold and fever. No, not the swine flu. Settle down. But even in the midst of the sickness, work challenges have presented themselves.

My first thought was to whine. My second thought was to cry. My third thought was to look at it as an opportunity to change things. Look at it as a way to improve and try something new. Not change my job, but change how I do my job. Can I be better? Yes.

It's all about growth. And so, I'll be growing.

new throw pillows are like earrings

2009-09-07T19:03:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you the story of two throw pillows. Once, long ago, I bought a pillow on clearance at some store. It was a lovely sage green colored silk, with a square of sequins in the middle. It was beautiful, it caught the light and sparkled. I loved that pillow and used it as the center throw pillow on our red guest bed. I loved it.

Then, tragedy. Charlie was sick one week and slept in the guest room. And for some unknown reason, he slept, not on the four fluffy pillows on the bed, but on the throw pillow. He used my silk throw pillow with sequins as his pillow. And he slept on the sequin side, pressing his skin onto the rough sequins. Know how I know he slept on that side? Cause he drooled on it.

Yup, he drooled on my perfect silk throw pillow. It left a stain. A big, drooley stain. It completely ruined the pillow.

When I asked him why he slept on that pillow, he had no answer. He had no explanation for why he chose to sleep on that pillow. He had no idea. If I had slept on his precious Mac keyboard, he would have looked at me with the same look I gave him.

Meet the new pillow. It took me three and a half years, and I finally found a replacement. I was shopping at Marshall's the other day and stumbled upon this beige silk-like Nicole Miller pillow for $5.99. Yup, $5.99 with clear, iridescent sequins sewed on the front.

I love it. This is not the place it will end up, as being on the couch is a prime place for dog slobber and husband accidents. I think it will find a home on my bed, and it will be safer there. But I wanted to show it to you and tell the story, because it was quite the quest to find a new one.

Throw pillows are like the little accent pieces that really make the room, like earrings pull an outfit together. And when you find that special pair that make you feel sparkly and special, don't let your husband drool on them.

something I'm curious about

2009-09-04T21:29:00.003-04:00

As we returned to school this year, the staff took a few moments to share some moments from the summer. It turns out that several of the teachers got engaged and had sparkly new engagement rings to show off. I don't know why, but I always want to know, "Did he pick it out himself, or did you go together?"

This is my engagement ring. Yes, I know it looks like an anniversary band. Yes, I went with him and picked it out.

Here's the story. Charlie and I dated for exactly three weeks before we talked about getting married. We just knew. It was right. The romantic proposal came later, because we had practical things to work out...when would we get married? When was my lease up? Where would we live? Lots of questions that needed to be answered, before he actually proposed. We had this talk in November, and he came home with me at Christmas to talk with my mom, since my father had already passed away. He proposed in January, officially, with ring in hand, limo at the ready, champagne toast with friends and dinner later. It was special and perfect. It was a surprise.

The ring was not a surprise. When my father died, my inheritance was a diamond from his wedding ring. My brothers wanted me to have it, and wanted my future fiancee to get it from my mom. My mom was so happy to give it to him for me, and I was thrilled to have a piece of my dad as part of my marriage. It was a painful thing for me to get married without him there, but the fact that I have his diamond is really special to me.

And I was specific. I am not one who likes a solitaire on a band. It just isn't the look I like, no offense to anyone else. And because I inherited the round diamond from my dad, I wanted part of it to be from Charlie, so we designed the ring to add pear shaped diamonds on each side. We went together and designed it. I love it.

Here's what I am curious about: how many of you just let your man decide? Did you give him hints or send him in a direction, saying, "I like platinum and square diamonds" and let it go from there? Or did you point to a ring and say, "that one, please." Did you shop together a little bit, and then let him go back and pick it out? Was the proposal a total surprise, or did you know it was coming? I am totally curious to know if anyone was completely knocked off their feet by a proposal they had no earthly idea was coming.

I'm not sure what it says about me that I went with him. Does it say I am too controlling, or that I don't trust him to know what I would like? Charlie said he'd rather I come, so I would get what I wanted, than have to fake enthusiasm for a ring I really didn't like. He wanted me to love it, and to be happy that my father's diamond was part of it. Some things I might not be so choosy about, but the ring is on my finger everyday.

Oh, and each person I asked said they let their husband pick it out, after giving a couple of hints. One of my unmarried friends said she wouldn't care if her engagement ring was purple and blinked, as long as she had one. I think she'll change her mind about that eventually, but it's good to know that people are flexible. This was one thing I just didn't want to leave up to him. Charlie's taste is completely different from mine. Completely. So we did it together, and I had so much fun with him in that jewelry store. It was one of the most fun shopping trips, ever.

So, tell me your story. Share your proposal and your ring story. Share the love, ladies.

Oh, and taking this photo was pretty interesting. I did it in low light, and to get more light I lit a tea light candle and slid it pretty close, using the macro setting. The rocks are from some vase in the living room, and this is on a TV tray we use as a little end table sometimes. I meant to take it earlier, when I had some natural light, but it didn't happen. It's pro photography people!

we're just waiting

2009-09-02T18:20:00.002-04:00

Now that we are back at school, many people are asking me about the baby. Have I heard any news about any potential babies or birthmoms? The answer is no. All summer...there hasn't been any news. I have rested, healed, cried, wrote, cried some more and tried to get past the failed adoption that encompassed my spring.

But the shoes are ready.

The diaper bag is packed and ready to go.

Fleecy is waiting for a new friend. She is sitting in the music box Charlie gave me when we found out about the first baby. The music box is still waiting.

Going back to school has been emotionally draining for me. I'm surrounded by children all day. Normally it doesn't get me down, but I think about how my daughter might have started kindergarten in five years and it makes my blue. All the possibilities are still out there. Nothing feels resolved, nothing feels settled. It's the same. We're waiting.

I don't know how to change what I'm feeling when I'm stuck in the same place. The circumstances aren't changing, and I want to feel more optimistic. In fact, I fake the optimism when talking to people about it, but I can be real with you. Right?

Let me say, for the record, that pregnant people don't bother me, make me sad or make me angry. What it makes me is jealous. I just want to be included, but it isn't unlike the feeling I had when I was single and wanted a boyfriend. And while jealousy isn't the most flattering emotion, and isn't gracious at all, it's the truth. It's what's there. I just want to be getting ready for something too. I want a due date!

Adoption is a lonely place, sometimes. All the world knows what it's like to be pregnant, but very few people can understand what it means to adopt. To put yourself out there and be rejected. It gets wrapped up in my self-confidence. Think about this: someone has to choose us. A birthmom has to say "I want these people to raise my baby." And then she has to actually do it. She has to look at that baby and say goodbye. Our birthmother couldn't do it. It broke my heart, but I can understand it, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like the rug got pulled out from underneath me.

I'm thankful that there are several people at my church and at my school that have gone through adoption. There's even one woman who experienced a failed adoption. She understands and is getting me through it.

Keep praying for us, please. Pray that I can remain steady through the time that stretches out in front of us, with no end in sight. I want to be able to focus on what I do have and enjoy it. It would be good for Charlie and I to enjoy each other while we can. Right?

(trust me, I know I babble on about adoption way too much. Waaaaaaayyy too much. I'm sorry about that, but it's what's on my heart.)

brand new pencils, brand new books

2009-08-30T16:06:00.002-04:00

It seems to me that the things I like most about school are still the same as when I was a child. I loved the school supply shopping and going to the library. All the new pencils and crayons and shiny notebooks. Packages of college ruled notebook paper. The calculator they made you buy for math class...we always wished that $70 bucks could go to clothes.

I still get excited about school supplies, ordering labels for the labelmaker, and colored copy paper and the new kind of white out that rolls off in a strip. The new Sharpie pen, which I like how it writes, but not how it feels in my hand as it writes, so overall, a bust. As the librarian, I also get to shop for new books and most of the time I get to read them first. That's certainly a joy of my job. Books that someone else is paying for!

As an adult returning to school, this week has been filled with occasional trips to the soda machine, buying Cheerwine. For those of you not in North or South Carolina, Cheerwine is a regional soda, somewhere between Dr.Pepper and a real cherry soda. It's great. It's caffeinated, which has been my friend this week, when getting up early has been a stuggle.

It's good stuff. And if you ever get over this way, try it out. I think you either like it or hate it, but it's certainly worth it to taste.

The thing that occurs to me this week, is that except for one summer, I have always gone back to work in the fall. My life has revolved around school. I've never had another career, one that required me to work all year round and take two weeks of vacation. What is it like to take two weeks of vacation in February? I mean, I know that added all up I get about 12 weeks of vacation, way more than any other career, but it's time that I don't get to choose. What would it be like to take a trip to Disney in October, when it isn't so hot, because that's when I wanted to go. Such freedom, I think.

Anyway, my original point to this was that I like the planning of the school year. The preparing and the organizing and the decorating. It's too bad that part is so short!

mirror makeover

2009-08-25T20:26:00.004-04:00

The frame that I have hanging on the wall in the previous post came from this mirror. I would normally not mutilate a mirror just to get a frame, but it just so happens that the mirror was cracked. It just so happens that you can't tell that in the picture below. True story.

The mirror was a castoff from an office at school, so it was completely free. It originally belonged to Debbie, but Tina cracked it, and so it was given to Tina. She could not get the mirror to pop out of the frame, so she put it in the trash pile. I grabbed it and took it home, knowing I could work on it. The frame was originally from Walmart, and I kept laughing because it was so well made. Hardly anything I buy from Walmart is well made, but this mirror was determined.

See, I waved at ya!

Turns out the mirror had this sealant around the edge that we had to use a razor blade to separate the mirror. Charlie and I did it over the trash can outside, because we weren't sure when the mirror would fall out.

I had the frame for several weeks before deciding what to do with it, and when I got the bug to hang things on the wall, I knew it would look really good with the white plate in the middle. The little building underneath is actually the main building from my college, and it is a really neat historic building. I bought this when I graduated, but never really had a great place to display it.

One person's trash is another person's treasure, huh? Thanks Debbie and Tina!

I love my new wall decor!

before and after

2009-08-22T15:03:00.004-04:00

We redecorated our living room and dining room last summer and I loved how it turned out. The Restrained Gold paint color really warms it up without being too bright or too beige. I love the splashes of color from the throw pillows and curtain topper.

This is the silk panel that I added to the top of some store bought curtains. I discovered putting this room together that I like very monochromatic color schemes, where one color would naturally flow into another on the the color wheel. Red to orange to gold to yellow to green, like half of the rainbow, albeit a muted one.

The problem was that I decorated on a budget, like most people do. I ran out of money when it came to accessories, and I haven't worked on it in awhile. These are the corners near our giant armoire. Big, blank corners.

Yes, that is my laptop on a TV tray. There's a plug in that corner where I charge it. Yes, I realize this next picture shows our very messy desk, where my computer would normally reside, but the plug is hard to get to and so I often plug it in elsewhere.

The blank walls were talking to me, telling me that something needed to be done. I decided to shop the house.

We are thinking about painting the kitchen. I am tired of the red, but I wanted to try it out. Every time I would see a red kitchen on TV I would really like it, but now I have discovered I really like calmer paint colors. This was nice for two and a half years, but I am ready to move on. I haven't picked out a new color yet, but I knew whatever I picked wouldn't match with the plates on the wall, and they did match the accent colors of the front room.

I pulled a plate from our master bedroom, an old window and a cutout of my college from the attic, a window mirror that my mom gave me, the plates from the kitchen and a frame that someone was giving away at school and created my look.

The little round candle thing was from the table behind the couch, but since the table is low, you couldn't see it. I chose to lean the mirror on the wall instead of hanging it up because the desk is so beautiful, and I like how it reflects the light onto the wall.

This window is from when we remodeled the kitchen and covered over a window with drywall. From the outside you can still see the outer storm window, but I had my husband pull the other one out and stick it upstairs. The repetition of the window pane look in both the window and mirror helped connect one side of the room to another.

I think I might add some photos into the window panes, or some vinyl letters to make words. Haven't gotten far enough to know what exactly I want to do with it, but I like the way the plates bring the color to that side of the wall. The room feels more complete with all the accessories in place, although I still have a few more corners that could use photos.

Hope you like it! I do.

an end brings a beginning

2009-08-19T16:17:00.003-04:00

The end of summer brings the beginning of a new year, a new school year that is. In the morning, I will stand on a sidewalk and open car doors to welcome students to school. I will pull crying kindergartners out of cars and walk them nicely to their classrooms. I will have my camera to take photos.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, right?

With this new school year comes a girl who can't blog as much. It's kind of ironic, because I have all this time in the summer to blog, but most of you have your kids home then, therefore LESS time to blog. Now you will have more time with your kids back in school, but I will be busy. Sigh. Such a problem.

Wish me luck!

i wrote a book, now what?

2009-08-16T20:46:00.002-04:00

Do you remember this post I wrote about wanting to write a book? Well, when I wrote that post I was halfway through the manuscript of my very first novel, and not really knowing what to do with it. Then we were matched with a birthmom and the novel went on the back burner. When that fell through, I gave myself the summer to finish the novel.

And I did it.

I typed the last words this afternoon. The story is done, finished, complete.

That doesn't mean there isn't a ton of editing to do, because that isn't done. I also need to go back and re-write some sections that I'm not happy with and need more detail. I have a sideplot that isn't fully fleshed out.

But I did it.

Now I need to go through the process of preparing it for submission to either a literary agency or publisher. Anyone out there have any suggestions or connections that you would love to send me?

I have to say that I am so proud that I actually did it. I'm not sure how many pages it would end up being, but it is somewhere in the neighborhood of 110,000 words. I do like to talk, people.

Ok, enough about me. Just wanted to share.

more to show

2009-08-13T21:55:00.002-04:00

I showed you this before, with my fancy fabric from Mood in NYC. I had this magic plan for these curtains, and the plan had to change many, many, many times. I made a couple of mistakes, but I'm getting closer to finishing them, but here's the beginning.

I found this fabric at Mood. Pre-ruffled fabric. I had never seen fabric like this before, and I had to do something with it. It called my name. It said, "Sissy, you must have a yard of me and make something special. Please, take me home." So, I did.

The other fabric was this brown with criss-cross pattern. This fabric is on the thick side, and I've seen it on bedspreads all over. Why did I want such thick curtains? Well, I didn't. But my husband, who has a glossy TV in our den, wanted to be able to close the curtains and block out the light and glare. I wanted something feminine and fun. Thus, I thought about combining the two. Genius, right?

Well, there are more problems to encounter in the next couple of posts, but the basic idea looks like the below picture. Hanging the curtains and finding a way to move them up and down has been the biggest problem. Oh, other than the fact that I accidentally had two layers of fabric on top of one another and cut a six inch slice into one of the thicker panels. My curtains ended up about five inches shorter than I planned, but after I cried about it, I just adjusted my plan.

It's been a fun project, and will be pretty functional when I actually hang them up. Well, I have part of them up now, but I am also working on some sheers to hang behind them. I wanted to be able to have the darkness Charlie was looking for when he wanted it, but the softness I wanted most of the time.

I need to finish them before I have to report to school on Monday for workdays. My summer is just about over, people. Sigh.

a different perspective

2009-08-11T23:18:00.003-04:00

When you turn your head a little bit, sometimes a subject can change completely. Life does that to you sometimes, makes you wonder where the joy even comes from. It turns on a dime. What can be happy for someone can be painful for another. Adoption has many sides. The birthmother makes a sacrifice and we become a family. Two sides. She hurts while we rejoice. Two sides of the same coin, but it's all in how you look at it. Heads or tails. Opposites.

This isn't a flower. It's my reminder that something beautiful can come from something I consider ugly. It's my reminder that while I wait for the joy to come into my life, someone is facing the most difficult decision they might ever make. It's my reminder that you can cut something up and take the pieces and make a masterpiece. His masterpiece.

It's all in how you look at it, right? From my side, it's a waiting game. From her side, it's a lifelong wondering of whether she did the right thing. I do hate the waiting though, and I can confess that to you.

I keep saying that this summer has been full of rest, but what I mean to say is that is has been healing. My broken heart has been knit back together, ready for another try. The quiet has let me begin to dream again. The rest has brought me bits and pieces of peace. When I was in the middle of it, I began to wonder if I could ever get out. Looking back, I wonder why I ever wallowed in it. Yes, this past eight weeks has been healing.

Two sides. One God big enough for both.

not on automatic IV

2009-08-10T12:17:00.003-04:00

This week's lesson on A Familiar Path was about adjusting your ISO on your camera to allow for more light in indoor shots. Thank the Lord someone finally explained this! My house is under lots of trees and only one room has really great light. Taking pics indoors has always been a challenge for me.

I like to be able to compare the adjustments on my camera with the same subject, so I can see how the adjustments work. Here we are on automatic: the flash popped up because I was in a dark corner. The topiary is so brightly lit up, since it is closest to the camera, and as the light falls away, the other objects are in the shadow. Yuck.

Ok, so I put the camera on P and adjusted the ISO to 640. The result was a little blurry, but the light in the picture now is wonderful, and more of a reflection of how the room is in actuality. Let's try again, shall we?

This one is set on ISO 800, and I love how it turned out. The image is crisp and the details are there.

This lesson was very useful. So very useful. It will make taking pictures in my house much better, and when I have kids this should be an advantage. Yay!

let me introduce you...

2009-08-08T16:09:00.002-04:00

To Mr. Minstrels, my very favorite chocolate candy. Let me tell you all about him.

Smooth, creamy, with a crispy coating. Somewhat like an M&M, but so nooooot like an M&M. Minstrels are a little larger, and I got addicted to them when I lived with my British roommate, because her mom would send them from England.

You can't get them here. It's a tragedy that this chocolate does not exist on our side of the pond. You can't buy them here, and it makes me sad. So sad, because chocolate is important, and even though I love America and wave the red, white and blue, American chocolate is not as good as European chocolate. I'm sorry. In this I am not patriotic. Once you've been exposed to imported, European chocolate you won't go back.

Well, as luck would have it, one of the families at my school was traveling home to England to visit and we were talking about things they were going to bring back that weren't available here. I mentioned Minstrels and my love, my addiction.

They brought me some. All the way from England.

Yum.

I keep them in the fridge and eat only one or two at a time to make them last. I savor them. I want them to last as long as possible. And when they are gone, I will mourn them and wish I had eaten them slower.

Sigh.

Great chocolate is worth a post all it's own. Don't you agree?

a little tease

2009-08-05T22:38:00.002-04:00

This is what I have been up to lately. Well, up to when I haven't been being lazy savoring my last days of summer. They are quickly coming to an end, but I have been attempting to make curtains for our den out of the fabric I got at Mood.

Here's a tease for you. Aren't you just salivating to know what I am doing, without a pattern and on the fly? I know you are waiting on pins and needles to see what my lovely den will look like when the curtains are finished. We'll see how fast that happens.

not on automatic III

2009-08-03T10:33:00.002-04:00

This week's lesson at A Familiar Path was about using the white balance options on your camera. I didn't know that adjusting the white balance can help you take better indoor photos, because there are some times when you just can't go outside. I chose to take some pictures in my den, which has windows along one side, but the light is hard to capture. I wanted to show how my crazy short haircut has grown out nicely, and I didn't have anyone else to photograph, so I also used the automatic timer on these.

This first picture is just on automatic. I am out of focus and the flash popped on. Ick.

My camera has several settings for white balance: incandescent, fluorescent, direct sun, flash, cloudy and shade. You can set each of these from the range of -3 to +3. Curious, I tried the shade setting first. See below.

I like the expression on my face, but I am quite yellow. Then I tried the fluorescent, even thought I didn't have any fluorescent lights on. Below, I am blue. The star streaks of light to the left are fun, though.

It seemed to me that since I had incandescent light behind me, I should try that. I didn't know what the numbers really mean, so I tried it to +3. Better, since I'm not blue, but not quite right.

Curious, I tried setting it to -3. I like the one below the best. It's still not completely wonderful, but I enjoyed the experiment and the fact that there are so many options when taking pictures indoors. It takes a cooperative model, though, to let you play with all of it. I don't know how Chickadee does it with a baby!

Well, the other point to this was to show that my haircut is really nice at this length. It only took me a month to get it to a stage where it is a good look. I have received many compliments on my new hair recently, and we all like compliments, right?!

a strapless dress, the shade and a wedding

2009-08-02T17:35:00.002-04:00

Saturday evening, at 6 o'clock, I drove to the suburbs and attended the wedding of Ashley and Sam. I love weddings. And I love unique weddings. This cute couple chose to have their wedding at a little inn outside town, and even though rain threatened all day, it was a lovely evening. Hot, but lovely. Yes, VERY hot. I got there early to secure a seat in the shade. In fact, while they could, many people chose seats in the back to sit in the shade.

This is Ashley. Isn't she lovely?

They had a very simple ceremony, and Ashley washed Sam's hands as a gesture of her faith in her vows. During her vows, she broke down and cried. It was beautiful. After communion, our pastor placed his hands on them and prayed for their new family.

Here I am with my cute honey. He was HOT, and was carrying a rag with him to dab his brow. Luckily, girls can wear cute little dresses and enjoy the temperature. This dress was a last minute purchase from Marshall's, and I would normally not have even tried on a strapless dress that was marked "one size fits all." That never bodes well for a plus size woman, but I was pleasantly surprised when I went in the dressing room and liked it. It was a deal too, which always makes it fun.

You can't tell from the pic, but it was navy blue and was tea-length with white embroidered flowers all over it. The top was a little scratchy, but I hot-glued a piece of ribbon along the seam inside and then it was fine. I know, hot-glue is a little commando for wedding finery, but it worked and I was not itchy at all.

We had a wonderful evening, and the cake was delicious. Cause it's all about the cake, right?

sunday afternoons

2009-07-30T17:01:00.002-04:00

I don't know what your Sundays are like, but I tend to get some alone time on Sundays. You see, Sunday is a workday for my husband, as he is the Media Director for our church. That means he's at church for both morning services, and the evening one. I usually get lunch and an hour or two with him in the afternoon, but I tend to use the extra time for me.

What do I like to do? I like to grocery shop, see friends or hang out by myself and catch up on alone time. Yes, I love to grocery shop. I love to cook and the two go hand in hand. And I like shopping by myself usually. Once in awhile it's fun to have the husband along, but most of the time, I like going alone. The aisles are a world of possibilities staring me in the face, ingredients asking me to take them home. I know, I'm a freak.

This past Sunday, I had lunch at my mom's house with two friends from college. Beth (on the left) was in from Miami and Kristen (on the right) lives in town. Beth hasn't been back to see us in awhile and so we filled our bellies with mom's famous turkey meatloaf, potatoes and cranberry sauce and caught up. Beth is a chaplain at the University of Miami and Kristen is thinking of buying a condo. Lots to talk about.

Girls afternoons are so not stressful and so full of memories. We sipped Cheerwine (a local Carolina cherry soda) and caught up before I had to take Beth to the airport. It was a fun afternoon, and when I went home, I still managed some time on my own before my husband came home.

What do you do with Sundays?

sammy

2009-07-28T17:06:00.003-04:00

Meet Sammy. He's my buddy. He's who I curl up with at night because he fits nicely in the crook of my arm. He has beanies in his butt and a kissable nose.

He's who I cuddle up with when I'm sad. Charlie gives me hugs and kisses, but when I'm still crying and in need of comfort twenty minutes later, he hands me Sammy.

Sammy was a gift from Emily. She knew I needed a friend (this was back when I was still single) and she was leaving for the summer, so she brought me Sammy.

Emily was blogging about how we hold on to things, and Sammy, like any stuffed animal, is something I should have let go of long ago. But somehow all my tears feel better when Sammy is there. When we lost the adoption, Sammy was my buddy, my friend, my secret confidant.

All day long I am a big girl, wearing my big girl pants, running my life and getting things done. I'm an adult, I work, I feed myself and pay my bills. But when I'm sad, Sammy is always there, quietly listening.

It may be silly or sad or pathetic, but Sammy won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Any other animal lovers out there?

not on automatic II

2009-07-26T20:54:00.002-04:00

This week we were to try our Macro setting and our automatic timer. I have to admit, I have always loved the Macro setting, because I love to take photos of flowers, and I did in this case. These roses are from the dozen that my husband bought me for our anniversary. (Remember, I am taking my photos with a Nikon D80.)

Here is my automatic timer photo. My friend Beth and I wandered around our old college campus and had a great time. We found a little brick wall that I could set my camera on and used the automatic timer. You can frame photos with the timer by having someone stand in the field of vision where you want them. In this case, I had Beth sit so I could focus the camera and then I ran in and joined her. I think it turned out well.

Hope you enjoy!

how things are

2009-07-23T22:18:00.002-04:00

It's summertime and I spend most of that time recharging for the school year. But this summer was supposed to be different. This summer was supposed to be my first season as a mother, but that turned out not to be the case. And I think I am still mourning from that loss, but ignoring it at the same time, trying to move past it.

Over the past few days I have talked with several friends about how I am good at drawing lines in my life. You know, the lines you won't cross. The deal breakers. The non-negotiable things. I draw those lines because I am selfish about my emotions, my time, my body.

Specifically, we were talking about relationships, and how I drew lines and made choices to protect myself. For example, I didn't have sex until I got married, and that was a line I drew, mostly because that was part of my faith, but also because I felt my emotions and body were precious. Intimacy is just that: intimate. Why share those things with someone I haven't connected with on every other level? When dating, I was up front about my beliefs early on and the few men I dated knew my boundaries. If they weren't okay with my lines, they were shown the door before I even was too far invested. Emotionally. But the lines don't just exist in romantic relationships, they exist in my friendships as well. And I've always thought I was happy in my little box, and I drew a box around my sadness and pushed it aside.

I wonder, though, if my lines, my boxes, my deal breakers kept me from experiencing life more fully. Would I have learned more about the world and about myself if I'd pushed past the lines? Of would I have just gotten myself hurt? If I'd been more flexible, what would that have looked like? Would I have been more popular, more respected, more something? And is more necessarily better? I don't know the answers to these questions.

All I know is that I don't want to be rigid. Even keeled? Yes. But rely so much on my little box that I can't allow for new experiences? No. Maybe there's a place for growth here. Maybe there's a chance for me to redraw my lines, and allow for more freedom and joy. Maybe I don't have to hold back with people when they don't measure up to my expectations.

Maybe this is a ramble and you won't relate to any of it. Maybe my lines and boundaries are my thing and not no one else does this. But if you do relate...comment. I would love to hear your thoughts.

getting out the fancy dishes

2009-07-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Last week my husband and I celebrated our fifth anniversary, and I wanted to have a special dinner. We'd already really celebrated our anniversary in New York, and so our actual day was going to be low key. We ended up deciding to have a couple of friends over and grill steaks.

I got out the fancy dishes.

I got out the china and the crystal that we haven't used more than 10 times in five years. The china is a lovely gray and silver pattern and I love, love, love the glasses.

I love my fancy dishes and am mostly the sort of girl that would like to use them everyday. A glass with a stem is one of my favorite things, and swirly silver vines on snowy white dishes just makes my food look better. You know, the Queen of the Indoors loves fancy things, pretty things, sparkly things and all things stuffed with down feathers.

The man, on the other hand, likes plastic cups, plates without designs, and a pyrex storage container as a cereal bowl. He likes t-shirts, blue paint and only has three pairs of shoes. I love him, so most of the time we drink out of plastic cups and eat off of plain plates.

But, on this day, I used the fancy plates. And, I swear, the steak tasted better.

unwrapping old friends

2009-07-21T12:16:00.003-04:00

Today I am welcoming an old friend into my house and am writing about it as part of Tuesday's Unwrapped at Chatting at the Sky. A friend from college. The one friend who taught me what it is to stick by someone, even when you don't know what to say. The friend who was my Maid of Honor when I stood up in a white dress and told my man he would be my man forever.

The friend who hasn't lived here since I got a digital camera, so I have no pictures to show you. I will edit this post later, once I have one of Beth.

Our plans include: hitting Cookout, the Juice Shop, Friendly Center and watching copious amounts of Gilmore Girls DVDs.

Make new friends, but keep the old, right?

also: I don't know what the photobucket problem is...any ideas as to what might be wrong?

not on automatic

2009-07-19T20:21:00.004-04:00

I forced my friend Bethany to let me take pictures of her the other day, without makeup and with no real primping. She was less than thrilled, but let me do it, and several of them turned out very well. She's such a pretty girl and don't you just love those curls?

So, Chickadee, from A Familiar Path is doing a photo series teaching us how to use the different settings on our cameras. This week's challenge was to take photos on any other setting but automatic, so I chose the portrait setting. (We're supposed to say what kind of camera we have: a Nikon D80.) I like the way Bethany is in focus, but the plants behind her are not. If I had used Auto, I think everything would be in focus, but I didn't take shots to test that theory. This was also taken on an overcast day, because it was actually about 12:30 and the sun would have been really drastic at that time of day.

This is my momma. Isn't she beautiful? I mean, come on, that woman is gorgeous! I also used the portrait setting with mom, and I took this picture in her garage, of all places. But it was really sunny overhead and by being in the shade it offered this great light. Love it.

Hope you enjoy these! I am learning how to use my new camera and am loving it. I wondered how I would feel about lugging it around NYC, because it was heavier than your average point and shoot camera. I carried a similar camera around in London and hardly ever hung it around my neck due to the weight, but my solution for NYC was to have Charlie carry the camera and camera bag, and for me to ask for it when I wanted. I carried my purse, with a water bottle. Did you want to know all that? Probably not. But all that to say that I love my new camera and I did carry it a lot, and didn't mind the weight. It just takes such great pictures.

I'm in love with a boy named Nikon. I say Nikon is a boy, because it is. What say you?

10 things I love

2009-07-18T18:32:00.003-04:00

1. I love when modern teen movies are based on Shakespeare. If you haven't seen 10 things I hate about you or She's the Man, then you need to. The former is based on the play Taming of the Shrew, and the latter on Twelfth Night.

2. I love sarcasm and movies with quick dialogue with pop culture references.

3. Music with mood appropriate soundtracks. Both of these movies have awesome soundtracks.

4. Heath Ledger. Gone too soon. This was still one of my favorite performances from him. He was scary and almost unidentifiable in Batman, and charming in Cassanova, but this movie really speaks to me. I love the character he plays, and when he sings on the football field, it's movie magic.

5. "Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?" Cause the dialogue is so well written. I know it's based on Shakespeare, and many of the lines are direct modernizations of the original, but the delivery is impressive as well.

6. Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum are one charming pair. Let's face it, Channing Tatum is hot (and recently married) and he spends half of this movie with his shirt off. The scene in this movie where Viola as Sebastian fends off women in the diner is one of my favorites.

7. Gag reels. All movies should have gag reels included on the Special Features. It just says something about the fact that actors are real people.

8. I like teen movies that have some sort of message, and these two certainly do. If you don't believe me, then watch them. They are definitely teen movies, but I like what they have to say about relationships. Be who you are. Make your own choices. Solve your own problems. If you have teenagers, it might scare you to see what's really out there going on with kids, but then again, you might need to see it.

9. Wherever they filmed 10 things was gorgeous. I know it is Seattle, but the building they use for the school is amazing. I wish my high school looked like that.

10. Movies. I love movies and have watched many this week, while getting stuff done. I think I've mentioned that we don't have the good cable (a problem that will be remedied soon) and I like to have voices in the background. I pop in a DVD and it's like instant company. And I get all sappy about a good love story.

central park and pirates

2009-07-17T13:19:00.002-04:00

This is the place in Central Park where they filmed the dancing scene in Enchanted. There are miles and miles of paths in the park, and it took us a while of wandering around to find this fountain. It was a beautiful Sunday morning and people were out in abundance, many rowing on the pond in little rowboats.

Do you see the guy in the black hat that is sitting on the edge of the fountain? He is a man dressed like Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean. Just hanging out. While we watched, a girl went up and got her picture taken with him. It was one of the more odd things we saw while we were in New York.

Cause that's what I would think to do with my time...dress up like a character from the movie and hang out at the park by a fountain. Man, I'm cool.

fun architectural shots

2009-07-15T23:59:00.001-04:00

The buildings in New York are amazing, and the blend of old and new is pretty seamless, I think. I love the way these next shots turned out. I don't know much about the buildings, but I like the photography.

I love the way half of the building has disappeared in the picture below. The reflective nature of the glass at that time of day was just breathtaking.

I just liked the shapes of this building, and if you watch the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic, most of the movie takes place here. Of course, I don't know if they filmed the movie here, but they use the exterior.

Another view from the Top of the Rock. It's amazing to me that there are so many buildings crammed into such a small amount of land.

Can you tell that we had a great time? SO great. There is an energy there that is just palpable and we are already planning to go back. Don't know when, but there is so much to see. We didn't go to any museums or historical sites, and we could have used another three weeks to see it all. I would love to actually stay in Midtown, at the Plaza and be in the middle of all of it, but our budget doesn't really allow for that. It may never allow for that, but a girl can dream, right?

tired of NYC yet?

2009-07-14T23:59:00.000-04:00

We took the Pioneer Woman's advice and went to the Top of the Rock Observation Deck to see the city. I think it was a great idea, because that way you get to see the Empire State Building and get good pictures of it. I had so much fun in this city, and can see why so many people cram themselves together to live there. I loved this view of Central Park. It is quite impressive that with how expensive the real estate is here, that they have managed to maintain this green space.

Here we are on Top. My strategy for getting other people to take pictures of us: find someone who has just as expensive a camera as you do and ask them. We saw so many people with Nikon straps, so I gravitated toward those people. I figure they would have an idea about how to use the camera, and we got some great pics that way. My thoughts were that if they had an expensive camera, they would be less likely to steal mine. I wasn't really worried in touristy places, but when were a little more off the beaten track, it made me feel better.

Ten points to anyone who can explain to me what this shirt means:

Times Square was fun. We saw the Naked Cowboy guy...who I'd never seen before, but he's some buff guy who plays his guitar while wearing cowboy boots and a tighty whitey. There were some older women taking photos of him, so he stopped playing, posed and said, "take your time, ladies." Oh my. I did not take pictures of him.

I will say the streets are cheerful, with all the yellow taxis. It just brightens everything up, and I never really thought about it before. Normal roads look so boring now, with all our navy blue, black, gray, and burgundy cars. So depressing. I loved the yellow taxis. And they all looked so new, and we even saw SUV taxis, van taxis, and the elegant black town cars that drive the more important people.

I still have more to say about NYC, but can you stand more?

I'm so fancy, yes, I am

2009-07-14T10:01:00.002-04:00

One of the places I planned to go while we were in New York was Mood Fabrics. Now, if you don't care about fabric, then this post isn't for you. But if you like fabric, or you love Project Runway, then keep reading.

I love Project Runway, and I am in mourning since we turned off our cable. If you don't know that show, let me break it down for you. Sixteen designers are brought in and given challenges and assigned a model. For example, make an gown for this year's Miss America contestant (who usually ends up being a guest judge.) They give the designers a time limit and a budget, and send them out to a fabric store: Mood. The sew whatever they design and then put it on their model to walk the runway. It gets judged and then someone gets sent home.

I was excited to to go there. I mean, down here in NC we have some great fabric stores cause we're in the furniture capital, but this one has the celebrity quotient to it. I also found it neat because it's on two floors of a huge building, and you can't see it from the street. It took a minute to find.

They had the most special of fabrics, some of which I hadn't ever seen before and some really beautiful things. I spent most of my time in the home fabrics section, looking at fabric for some curtains for my new den windows. I wandered around, lost in thought, while Charlie went around and took some pictures.

See here how I am holding a cup? I was in a hurry to finish my smoothie because I was certain drinks wouldn't be allowed, but the cool people at Mood didn't care. I finished it at my leisure.

What I hold in this bag was quite the splurge, but I loved what I ended up with. And I can't show you yet, because I want to post about the big reveal when I actually get them sewed. And yes, I am going to sew them. I am copying something I saw in the Pottery Barn catalog years ago. And, brave me, I bought fabric without measuring the size of the windows. I know, the Nester would berate me for not having my color swatches and measurements in hand, but it's a mistreatment, so I'll pull it together by the seat of my pants.

It was a happy little diversion. I mean, there weren't any celebrities there, just miles and miles of fabric. No, I didn't get to meet Heidi Klum or Tim Gunn, but it was just a pop culture thing to do. That's what we discovered about ourselves: we like pop culture. Wait til I post about the NBC store...sheesh. That was fun.

The owner did have a little bulldog that was wandering around, and his name was Swatch, which was cute. He gave me a little kiss, which was sweet since I missed my puppies by then. I asked if they sold t-shirts, and they do not. They need to get on that.

Okay, end of boring fabric store story. Aufedersein.

more to tell about NYC

2009-07-11T11:17:00.002-04:00

This was the view from our hotel room as the fireworks went off over the Hudson river. We had the best view, and we pulled our chairs up to the window and listened to the music from the TV as the fireworks went off. It was cool to see such a display and not be in the middle of the crushing crowd down by the water. We talked to another couple the next day who went down to the water, and it took them three hours to get back the one mile to the hotel.

Sunday morning we had reservations for Tavern on the Green, which is in Central Park. We had made reservations for their Sunday Stimulus Buffet which sounded amazing, but even though I called and asked if I could make reservations online, and the woman said yes, the answer was no. Evidently you can't reserve the buffet online, you can only make a la carte reservations so we ended up in the dining room with the regular menu. Which Charlie wasn't too excited about. Even with the mistake, I still had a wonderful time there, sitting in the crystal room.

The ceiling looks like cake frosting and is just beautiful. I was so excited to be there and take in such a New York experience. We had our picture taken by the official photographer and I bought a copy in a special green leather holder thing.

After the brunch we wandered around Central Park and saw a couple of places that I remembered from many movies, including Enchanted. I felt like I should break into song or something, but I am not talented that way.

So one big exciting thing that happened was at the movies. We had bought tickets to see the Transformers movie in IMAX at a theatre on Broadway. We walked over there from Central Park and while Charlie went to the bathroom, I got in line to get drinks. These two women behind me are talking about how expensive it was to buy tickets to the movies, and if people had a family of four, it could really add up. I was eavesdropping, I admit, but the woman's voice sounded familiar, so I looked over my shoulder. And my jaw dropped. Behind me was Diane Keaton and Carol Kane (from the Princess Bride.)

I turned and stared. And said "seriously?" My new friend Diane told me it was okay. I laughed, because Charlie had the camera. In the bathroom.

I got my drinks and stepped aside. Diane and Carol got their snacks. I kept praying for Charlie to hurry up! I asked Diane what movie they were seeing (Public Enemy.)

Finally Charlie came out of the bathroom and I told him to get out the camera, QUICK. I asked if we could take a picture and Diane said sure. We posed. And smiled. And Charlie had the camera set on Landscape. Thus my picture looks like this.

Charlie told her we really loved "Mad Money," which we did. She laughed and said that she didn't hear that compliment very often and we told her we thought it was hilarious. If you haven't seen it, you should.

We went in and took our seats, and had about a half an hour to wait until the movie. Charlie texted everyone he knew about our run in with our new best friend Diane (Carol stepped out of the picture, I don't know why.) All day we kept grinning about meeting a famous person. Our New York experience was complete. Yankees game, check, Tavern on the Green, check, Central Park, check, famous person, check.

I will say that either I was the only person that recognized the famous people, or other New Yorkers are just really blase' about seeing celebrities. Maybe they are used to it, and maybe that's why Diane and Carol can go to the movies without people bugging them too much. Anyway, she was very gracious about it, and we were thrilled.

Yay, New York.

happy anniversary, Charlie

2009-07-09T11:35:00.002-04:00

We each picked a special thing that we wanted to do while we were in New York. Charlie chose to get tickets to a Yankees game and he was really excited about it, especially since this was the first year in the new stadium. The Yankees were playing the Toronto Blue Jays that day.

Our seats were in the top tier, but we had the front row so we had a great view. I am not the biggest baseball fan, but I knew it would be cool to actually be at a game, and I did have fun cheering for the Yankees.

The new stadium is really nice. I loved the way it was decorated, with the large banners of the players. On the reverse side was black and white pictures of famous former players. We arrived early so we could shop a little at the souvenir store and pick out a few things. Our anniversary is on July 10th and Charlie's birthday is on July 30th, so I wanted him to pick out something for his birthday gift. We saw several really cool jackets, but everything was soooo expensive. He ended up getting a hat and I got a t-shirt with sparkly silver writing. You know I love sparkles.

We stopped on one of the lower tiers and took pictures of the field from another angle. The view from behind home plate made me think that baseball might be more fun if we could afford more expensive tickets.

See how happy he looks? It was such a thrill for him to be there among all the fans and have an authentic baseball experience. When we rode the subway up to the stadium, there were so many people dressed in Yankee blue we didn't even need to worry about where to get off. When all the people in Yankee t-shirts got up, we got up too. So easy.

The game was at lunchtime and so we decided to get something to eat. That was a very pricey decision. We ordered one double cheeseburger, a small fry, a water and a Pepsi in a collectible cup and that equaled $28. We shared.

There were 46,000 people in attendance that day, so we decided to leave halfway through the ninth inning, in order to avoid the crowds. The game ended up going into extra innings, but the Yankees won 6 to 5.

All in all, a great day. I ended up a little sunburned on my shoulders, but a little sunburn was worth the experience. We rode the subway back and got off at Columbus Circle, wandered around a little bit and found a diner to eat dinner. We went back to the hotel after that and watched the fireworks from our hotel room. We turned the special on tv so we could hear the music from the fireworks, but we had a great view from our window, since we faced the Hudson river. My pictures weren't that great, but it was a once in a lifetime experience to watch NYC fireworks and actually be there.

Happy Anniversary, Charlie. Glad you had a good time!

big apple, part deux

2009-07-08T19:43:00.002-04:00

One of our stops on the first day was FAO Schwartz. Charlie loved the life-size Lego creations they have (this one is Chewbacca.) We asked the concierge about them and he said that the Lego company made them especially for the store. They also had a Batman and the Harry Potter kids, but I think this one looks the best. We watched people play on the piano from Big, and thought that was fun.

We took the Staten Island Ferry to, well, Staten Island, but we really only took the ferry to ride past the Statue of Liberty. It was cool to see the city skyline over the water. It also makes me think I should not wear this shirt anymore, after seeing pictures of myself in it. Could I look more pregnant? (I'm not, just to be sure.)

Times Square was fun and overwhelming and crowded with way too many tourists. One night we just needed to walk through to get back to our bus stop and I wanted to elbow about eight people who weren't watching where they were going, but were just looking up at all the lights. I bet real New Yorkers stay away from there unless absolutely necessary. The billboards are huge and eye catching, and my eye was drawn to these Target billboards. The funny thing about this is that NYC does not have any Targets. So sad for them.

This is the ABC news studio where they film Good Morning America, I think. I do love the way the bands of the screen bend around the building. I will say the architecture in NYC is amazing. So many different kinds of buildings, all mixed together so well. There are modern buildings and historical places and places you see in movies, and it blends nicely. I will say, I have been to London and it does not mix together as elegantly as NYC. Maybe it's because their modern architecture is just so, well, ugly. And their historical buildings are just so amazing, and so much older than anything we have in the states. Houses built late in the 20th century are square blocks of ungraceful brick. Yuck. (ok, enough on that.)

The next post will include our 4th of July and the Yankees game we attended. I promise.

the big apple, part one

2009-07-07T19:04:00.003-04:00

This vacation will be told in several parts, because something unique happened each day. I can totally say that I was excited about going to NYC, but I was nervous that it would be really, really, really touristy and we would spend our day in line after line after line to see things. I asked so many people before we left what we should see, and the list was long. There are historical sites (Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island), tourist areas (Empire State, Madame Toussaud's) and all sorts of entertainment (broadway shows, ballets, clubs, comedy, etc.)

The first day we did buy tickets on an open air double decker bus, and rode around on it. We got on and off whenever we wanted to, and we liked that. It let us see so many things that we wanted, but to see as we drove past. I only needed to see a snippet of Chinatown to know I didn't really want to spend much time there. We rode the Staten Island Ferry and saw the Statue of Liberty from afar, then got back on the bus and went up to Central Park.

Here we are sitting in front of the Plaza Hotel. We bought hot dogs from a street cart and ate in Central Park, then walked around and climbed on the big rocks (that's the above pic.) We found the Mac Store, which was cool, but crowded. Wow, crowded. New Yorkers love their Macs, I guess. The entrance to it was really cool, cause it reminded me of the entrance to the Louvre, which is a glass pyramid. Mac is cool and classy at the same time.

We also stopped at Engine 54, which was across the street from our tour bus stop. This fire house lost more men in 9/11 than any other house. We took a moment there, and talked with a captain, and he was so nice. I didn't really want to bring up 9/11, but I wanted to stand there for a moment and remember. We went past Ground Zero, and all it is now is a construction site. So much time has passed.

We bought a few souvenirs that day, then got on our bus and went back to our hotel in New Jersey. We were staying right across the Hudson in Secaucus in a little convention park, and we ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise that night. So yummy after all that walking.

And that was our Friday. More to come in part two: Saturday, July 4th.

Mom is in the house

2009-07-01T14:33:00.004-04:00

Charlie and I are loading up the car tonight and leaving first thing in the morning for NYC! I am very excited about all the movie stars I will meet while there (not.) I am taking the laptop, so I should be able to blog while I am there and will be reporting all things interesting, and some not so interesting.

Anyway, I wish you all a Happy 4th. I wish you burgers and chips and a great onion dip. I wish you lemonade and strawberries and a kiss under sparklers. I wish you no mosquitos, a sprinkler to run through and cool weather.

And while we're away, my mom is coming to stay with the grand dogs. Phoebe and Lucy love their Gramma and are looking forward to her visit. Today we showed Mom how to use the Mac and she loved it. She may not be able to get to her email, but she thought the computer was pretty!

a make your man happy meal

2009-06-28T17:41:00.004-04:00

Can I just go ahead and admit that I love anything meaty and cheesy? Especially with great bread that is crusty on the outside and soft on the inside, and a good amount of sauce. I don't really like meatball subs from restaurants, because I am extremely picky about red sauce. EX-TREMELY picky about red sauce. I only buy one brand of sauce and I soup it up to my exact specifications (more on this later.)

Anyway, my husband loves meatball subs, so I make them from time to time. Now, I don't always make my meatballs from scratch, because I find that the packaged ones are just fine. If you don't agree with eating pre-packaged meatballs, then by all means, go ahead and spend the time making your own, then follow these instructions. I promise you, your meat-eating husband will love you and take you into the bedroom, well, once his dinner has digested.

The ingredients:

6 inch sub rolls of your choice
an onion, chopped
white mushrooms, sliced
mozarella cheese (or any Italian cheese blend)
frozen meatballs
Classico Cabernet Marinara Sauce...to me it has the best taste

1. Let's start in the saute pan. Chop those onions and slice the mushrooms, then get them into the pan with some olive oil over medium high heat. I let the mushrooms get a little brown before I salt and pepper them.

2. Frozen meatballs. Ahhhh. Place the number you want on a paper towel on a microwave safe plate and cook according to the package directions. Usually a plateful of meatballs takes about 3 minutes. I normally cook extra to eat straight off the plate.

3. Add both the sauce and the meatballs to the pan with the onions and mushrooms. I tend to also add a couple of tablespoons sugar to my sauce as well...don't like it bitter at all. Let the sauce bubble while you prepare the bread.

4. My sub rolls were actually a foot long, so I cut them in half. Then I open them up and lay them out flat, while I get my toaster oven warmed up.

5. Lay out the meatballs on the bread and spoon on a little extra sauce. My husband likes extra sauce. He doesn't like anything dry, so I add extra to his.

6. Sprinkle on the cheese. Yum. If I have Alfredo sauce, then I sometimes drizzle a little on before the cheese. It makes the cheese a little more creamy and delicious.

7. Broil. I lay mine out on my toaster oven size stoneware pan and slide them on in. Pay no attention to all the crumbs on the bottom of the oven. Now, I know my oven, but I don't know yours, so watch your sandwich carefully and remove at the desired cheesy melty-ness.

I like it when it looks like this. Add a side of chips and enjoy! You will thank me for this recipe, and I know that you will make it again and again! The sauce/meatball combo works well over pasta or poured over pasta and then baked with cheese on top. It has lots of possibilities.

Now I am hungry, so I have to go and make something to eat. Hmmm, I wonder if I have any more meatballs?

cause Kathie Lee is an expert...

2009-06-26T11:03:00.003-04:00

Now, I didn't get up early this morning to see any real new programs and I have just really turned on my TV at 11am, to see the Later Today show, with Kathie Lee Gifford and some other woman. The two women are discussing Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett, and their lives and fame.

Kathie Lee: I always knew Michael's life wouldn't end well. Not that I'm clairvoyant or anything, but I always saw red flags in his life.

Other Lady: Really? I always remember Farrah's hair.

Kathie Lee: Well, he probably confused attention with love. You know, he wasn't allowed to be a child when he was a child, so when he grew up he acted like a child...you know, building Neverland and acting like Peter Pan. What we don't get as children, we search for as adults.

Other Lady: He died of a heart attack.

Kathie Lee: 50 year old people don't die. There must have been some health problems.

Other Lady: Well, he was certainly taking some medication.

Kathie Lee: You can't live your life so differently from other people and not expect trouble.

Other Lady: HMMM.

Kathie Lee: We're going to talk to Rabbi Shmooly (um, who?) who is vacationing in Iceland with his family, but certainly is an expert on this kind of situation.

Other Lady: Well, Akon is pulling his tour bus over to the side of the road to talk to us.

Akon: Yeah, I saw Michael about 6 months ago and he was excited to go on tour. (screen showing picture of Akon, evidently a very angry black rapper, as witnessed by his furrowed brow in the photo they have.)

Kathie Lee: Yeah, I really don't know Michael Jackson, even after all these years. (You mean, you and MJ weren't best buds?) We may never really know him.

Commercial

Dawna somebody from London holding newpaper: London blamed for Jackson't death is the headline this morning.

Michael somebody from Encino: I'm outside this house, where the Jackson Family MAY be holed up. We think at some point yesterday all the siblings were here, but some have left, but the parents may still be here, and one sibling, but we're not sure. (shots of lots of people with sparkly gloves.)

Other Lady: You know, I watched that Farrah special about a month ago and it made me think about how hard cancer is on the people around the sick person.

Kevin Tibbles in Indiana: This is the two bedroom house where Michael was born. (shots of lots of people hanging around the house) Gary, Indiana has never forgotten Michael, even though the Jackson family never came back.

Some woman in Harlem: Michael was number one. People are gathered up around the Apollo and started selling t-shirts, like this one (hold up shirt with Jackson pictures) for $10. (No, I don't want to buy one, and I want to know how they got the shirts printed so fast.)

Kathie Lee: Thank you for those moving words. When we come back, we'll have a panel discussion about Michael and Farrah (yeah, you've talked a lot about Farrah.)

Commercial.

All right, now I was typing as they were talking, and while I did not get every word, this is really the kind of drivel they were spinning this morning. Wow. Kathie Lee spotted the red flags in MJ's life? Well, why didn't she call him up and tell him, then. Oh, you think that he had health problems? Do you? Maybe the fact that he died from a heart attack clued you in, huh? I have no idea who this other lady was, but Kathie Lee should stay off TV, or at least stop giving her opinion on TV. She is so not qualified to be anyone's life coach. Um, remember the child laborers in some third world country that you didn't know about? Um, remember how your husband cheated on you?

And now, I have to go google Rabbi Schmooly, whoever he is. I'll report back later.

Evidently, Rabbi Shmuley is America's Rabbi and has his own website and podcasts! Wow. I didn't know America had a rabbi. And I have to say that as I am still listening to this panel of experts, I cannot believe the crap that people say about a famous person who has died. Let him rest, people. I am going to pop in a DVD and get some work done. Remember MJ and Farrah however you would like.

Queen of the Indoors speaks again

2009-06-24T22:28:00.002-04:00

I have called myself the Queen of the Indoors before, and it's not because I am so awesome decorator or design houses or anything like that. It's because my nature is more inside oriented, and I think it is because I just don't like to sweat (that really is a whole other post.) I love plants, but I don't really like to garden. I love manicured lawns and great landscaping, but I don't want to DO it. I want to want to do it, but it just isn't me.

And, our overgrown, looks like Vietnam in the backyard with all the bamboo growing, looks like a forest in the front with all the random trees, and has grass in some places and in others it is worn through to dirt from running dogs. We have years of work in front of us, but that really isn't the theme of this post.

This post is about what I like in my yard, and I like this.

And this.

The ivy picture I took on a day when we were washing our cars and the plants got wet. The water droplets just looked so inviting, that I ran inside and got my camera. The purple hosta flowers are sprouting up around our patio, in what I would have to say is one of the strangest places the previous owners could have planted plants. Right in a walkway. It's odd, but the flowers caught my eye and the camera came out again.

Isn't it great when we can find beauty in the middle of all the chaos? Our yard needs so much attention, and it really isn't my thing, but I can totally appreciate the small pockets of loveliness in my 1/4 acre of grass.

And, come on, this also makes me love my new camera even more.

oven fried chicken

2009-06-22T10:50:00.002-04:00

When Bethany got married a couple of weeks ago, one of the gifts she received was a stack of recipe cards from this woman in our church who is a legendary cook. It was the best gift, I think, cause the recipes had been tried and tested and known to be yummy. Last Saturday while our men were playing poker, Bethany and I got together at her condo and tried a couple of them out.

One was Oven Fried Chicken. And it was so good. And easy.

We started with whole chicken breasts that we cut in half to make smaller pieces. I think we had four breasts. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and whatever other spices you want. I highly recommend garlic and paprika, but do whatever feels good. We dipped in olive oil and then into crushed corn flakes. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes and yum. So good.

See, it's easy? Go make some, I tell you.

hair trauma

2009-06-20T10:52:00.002-04:00

I know you have missed me this week, but between packing up my classroom at school so they could clean, and living through some hair trauma, I am finally getting around to posting.

This is a recent picture of my "before" hair. This was taken in November, but my hair really hadn't changed that much since then. I'd had it cut and highlighted in April, but it pretty much looked like this. Okay, got it?

This was the cut I was going for, below. I'd had my hair cut last year before going to Florida for my brother's wedding and it was really cute. I remember thinking that it was SHORT, compared to what I had, but I really liked it, and I liked the highlights. Charlie really likes my hair with highlights because he says it gives it definition. I'm okay with them. I actually really like my boring brown hair color.

I askedy mom, who cut and highlighted my hair in April, to come and cut it again on Wednesday night, and things went horribly wrong. So wrong. The box said to start the highlights 1/4 of an inch from your scalp, since the heat from your head would make them blonder. That was not good advice. Also, the box included two different brushes, one that looked like a mascara wand, and another one. The mascara one is the one that got me, I think, because it coated such large chunks of hair. AS SOON as we washed it out, we knew it looked bad. It was so blond. And in such weird chunks, especially on my left side. And that quarter inch thing? Yeah, it gave me brown roots. Yup.

So I took a deep breath, and just told mom that I would die over it the next day with my friend Laura who was coming and has colored my hair before. Bad, brassy, chunky, looks like I'm trailer trash, highlight problem solved. So I showed my mom the picture of the hair cut I was going for and she starts cutting. And cutting. And cutting.

This is my hair on Thursday morning, after wetting it. It does not show the horrible highlights as horrible as they really were cause my hair was wet. In fact, I sent a photo on my phone to Laura, and she called back to say, "it's not that bad." And then when she showed up an hour later and it was dry, she said "holy ....." Get it? It was bad.

So we went to lunch and Target and I bought a box of hair color called "Brown Sugar" to color over the highlights and Laura helped me. Now my hair is reddish brown, which is not my natural color, but is way better than the trailer trash highlights.

Um, and notice how short my hair is. Does that cut look like the one I was going for? Um, no. I am still getting used to it. Charlie likes it, he says, and people keep telling me it is cute, but I think it makes me look old.

I'm not used to my curls being quite so fluffy either, and not having hair that can be put in a ponytail. I think I will love it when it grows out about an inch longer, or so, and I guess having short hair in the summer isn't the worst thing in the world, right? It should be cooler, I guess.

So this is the story of my hair trauma...I hoped you got a good laugh. And I have to admit this isn't the worst thing that has ever happened to my hair. The very first time I got highlights, in a salon, no less, they were white zebra stripes in my hair, when I asked for caramel highlights. And I had to wait three days for the salon to fix them, because the girl who ruined them had to be the one to fix them. I asked them why they thought I would want that girl to EVER touch my hair again, but that was their policy, unless I wanted to pay someone to fix them. Uh, no. I felt like I should have been given a refund on that disaster, but she fixed it. Then, as they grew out, I had to keep coloring over them, cause I would have blond streaks starting at my chin. Lesson learned, dye washes out, but bleach has to be grown out and cut off.

Had enough, yet? I will leave you now and go and wash this hair that now only takes about a pea sized amount of shampoo. One bonus, I guess, is that I will save money on products. Yeah, lets look on the bright side, shall we?

the husband plays softball

2009-06-12T22:18:00.003-04:00

Let me introduce you to my wonderful husband, Charlie. He plays church softball, and tonight they had a game that I actually went to...which is kind of a miracle, since I am Queen of the Indoors. He wanted me to come, so I caved and went. I was pretty proud!

Cause he hit it.

And kept running.

And came home.

Go Charlie!

a blank canvas

2009-06-11T20:21:00.003-04:00

I know I have been posting a lot about Phil and Bethany's wedding, but it really was a big event for us. After the adoption fell through, working on this project was a way for me to cope. This is the great room at our church, and it is used for many, many different functions. On Wednesdays it is used for Youth, thus the sound system and fancy lights in the ceiling. The corner painted black is a section of arcade games, and that lovely gray partition hides it from view the rest of the week. It is pretty much a blank canvas.

Now, after several hours of work, the room looked like this. I was pretty proud of the way it turned out and it looked even better when we turned off the ugly overhead lights and used halogen lamps all over the room and candles on each table. The room had a nice glow and was very intimate. The bride loved it.

One of the most unique things that the newlyweds did at the reception was rent a photobooth. It was a cloth room with a camera, and it printed out two sets of the pictures. One the guest got to keep and one was pasted into an album for the bride and groom and the guest could write a message. Everyone enjoyed it and many people took multiple turns, even after the bride and groom left, people were still lined up to get in there!

Friday is the last day of school and then I will be free for the summer. I am so completely and totally ready for this break. I need the renewal and the rest. I am ready.

wedding helpers

2009-06-10T18:33:00.002-04:00

The ring bearer, Ethan. Love the tongue.

One of the flower girls, Ayla. She totally enjoyed the whole experience of being a flower girl. She loved the dress, the shoes, and the flower petals.

The other flower girl, Olivia. I caught her in a rare moment of sitting down. The rest of the day she was sprinting around, her ribbons trailing behind her.

indoors and outdoors

2009-06-07T17:26:00.002-04:00

Some dogs prefer the bamboo shoots that grow in the backyard, ripping and tearing them down.

Tugging and pulling.

Breaking and chewing.

Some dogs prefer to lay under my legs and cuddle.

To each her own.

oh, so much fun

2009-06-03T19:27:00.002-04:00

One of the more ironic things about the whole adoption process and (and subsequent non-placement) is that Charlie bought me a present. A present that I have been wanting and drooling over and shopping for and wishing for and for which I have been saving up my pennies.

A new camera.

A Nikon DSLR. (I can almost hear the choir singing.)

It took me awhile to get around to using it, because it had tainted memory attached to it. It was supposed to be my Mommy Camera, but that is a whole other post. The other day I took it to school and shot pictures of the boys versus girls soccer match, and had so much fun. The camera has a sports setting, which is AWESOME. It allows me to take photos in rapid succession. And you know how with a regular digital camera, you have to push the shutter button almost three seconds before anything good happens, like you are some mind reader that can predict what will happen next? Don't have to worry about that anymore!

Exhibit A: this moment I captured.

This was during warm-ups and the goalie came out of the net to do something...I can't pretend I know the lingo for what he was doing. You should be impressed that I know he was the goalie. Enough said. I saw them about to hit and pressed the button. With a normal camera, I would have missed this moment, but I caught it at the right time and love that it almost defies gravity. The goalie ended up on his back.

I took it home, zoomed in and printed it out for the girl and her mom. They loved it! I loved it. I was so proud of me and my camera and how sharp everything turned out. I had so much fun testing it out and playing with the different settings. I do need a different lens if I want to get the pictures this close straight out of the camera.

Here's hoping the new camera will soon take pictures of a new baby.

Congratulations, Phil & Bethany

2009-05-30T20:33:00.003-04:00

Meet the bride, Bethany.

Bethany loves deviled eggs. With a passion.

So after I finished putting the final touches on all of the decorations....

I made six trays of these.

Thats a lot of deviled eggs. I'll be seeing them in my sleep.

the best fancy-schmancy, but not hard to make, potato salad

2009-05-26T19:43:00.002-04:00

Let me confess that I do not like potato salad. I love potatoes in most forms, hashed, fried, baked, boiled, roasted and sliced, but haven't really liked potato salad until now. Until I found this recipe, I always just passed the cold dishes of potato salad on by when at a picnic. When I came across this recipe, I was curious. It sounded like I might enjoy it, and since I had guests coming over for lunch this weekend, I decided to try the recipe out on them. If I didn't like it, then they would probably eat it all.

But I loved it.

And I wanted to keep it for all my own. I let the guests eat some, and then quickly wrapped it up and put it back in the fridge.

But I am going to share it with you. Because I want you all to experience the deliciousness that I experienced, and since you can't reach through the computer and take mine, you can make your own. With this kinda not so specific recipe that I adapted from a Food and Wine May 2008 recipe.

The now I like potato salad recipe (makes 6 servings):

2 large red potatoes, chopped
2 large yukon potatoes, chopped
mayonnaise
mustard
bbq sauce
2 hard boiled eggs, chopped
3 scallions, chopped
salt and pepper
1/2lb bacon, diced, sauteed, and drained
fresh parsley, finely chopped

For this recipe, I decided to take a couple of shortcuts. First, I bought already hard-boiled eggs cause I also wanted to make deviled eggs as well, and I didn't have much time that afternoon. But if you were going to make this from scratch, then you can do that a day ahead, or earlier the same day. But even though I could have used bacon bits, I decided to saute my own bacon. I wanted much bigger pieces and I don't like the extra smokey flavor that the fake bits have.

1. Chop the potatoes, and get them in some salted water. Boil until fork tender.

2. While the potatoes are boiling, chop and saute the bacon. When crispy, remove from pan and let drain.

3. When potatoes are tender, remove from heat and drain. Allow to cool slightly while you mix the sauce.

4. Mix mayonnaise, mustard and bbq sauce together in a bowl. Now, I probably used about a cup of mayo, a tablespoon of mustard and a tablespoon and a half of bbq sauce. I like my potato salad to be a little saucy, and not dry, so I allow my potatoes to cool a little and I mix extra sauce. If you mix the sauce with the potatoes when they are hot, then the potatoes will absorb the sauce and not coat it well. But, to each his own, so do what you want. I also find that the potatoes fall apart if you stir them when they are hot.

5. Chop eggs and parsley, add to sauce.

6. Add potatoes, scallions and bacon. Stir.

7. Salt and pepper the whole thing and stir again.

8. Refrigerate, then EAT.

Now, please feel free to edit this however you want. There are those out there that like celery and relish in their potato salad, but I do not like celery or pickles AT ALL. Ick. But, it's all up to you and what you like. Enjoy it however you please.

I am going to get the rest out of the fridge right now and finish it off. Hide your eyes if you must.

it's been a long road from there to here

2009-05-20T18:32:00.002-04:00

This was last week when we were practicing working with the carseat, before we knew that the baby wasn't coming home. My diaper bag was all packed and the nursery was all ready. That was last Wednesday.

Then my husband came home and told me the news about the change in our adoption status. I sat there and stared at the wall for about 10 minutes. Charlie was concerned that I was really ok, because I wasn't saying much and I wasn't reacting. Normally I am a crier, and I wasn't crying.

It's been a long week. In fact, today I realized it had been exactly a week since we found out the news, and that I expected to be bringing her home tomorrow. It's been a week of tears, of family, of prayers and comfort and chocolate peanut butter fudge ice cream. It's been seven days of realizing I don't really know how to get through this grieving process.

One irony is that we bought a new camera because we were having a new baby. I wanted to be all ready to take fantastic pictures, so we bought a Nikon fancy thing, and I love it.

I sat outside in our yard and took some photos. One of my favorite things in life is light coming through the trees. There is something magical for me about the way the late afternoon sunlight is golden and creates these amazing colors with leaves, and speckles the ground with pockets of sunshine. This is the natural part of our front yard and I stared at it for awhile.

I've been doing a lot of staring off into space. Please excuse me while my mind wanders, I think, when I catch myself doing it. Thinking about her.

Thinking pink. These are the hydrangeas we planted when the social worker was coming for our home study. We wanted the front porch to look nice and our other plants had not made it, since I often forget to water such things. And I love this picture, but it is a small reminder that I had something to look forward to when we bought these plants.

This is my 200 post. It has taken me a little over a year to write 200 letters to you all out in the blogosphere. I started blogging because I needed an outlet to deal with my emotions. Infertility takes so much out of a woman and I couldn't dump it all on my sweet husband. I wanted a place where I could put it out and let it hang. I made a rule with myself that I would never bad mouth my husband or my job (I didn't want to be one of those people who gets in trouble for what they write.) And I began to write.

I wanted to get it all out and share it and meet others who are on the same road, and I have. It has been 15 months of letting strangers into my world and opening myself up to their ideas and support. I do not know what I would do without the prayers and support, not only from the last couple of days, but from other days when I was down or heartbroken. I have made a little family, and while I know very few of you in real life, you are very real to me.

I wish I had a more upbeat post or a giveaway or something really special to share for this 200th post. But this is where I am at, and this is who I am right now. I am a tad heartbroken, but I am trying to trust God and move forward. This setback doesn't mean we won't have a baby, it just means we won't have one right now.

In the spirit of moving forward, these are centerpieces my mom and I did for a wedding coming up next weekend. Our friends Phil and Bethany are getting married, and Bethany chose a Tuscan theme for the ceremony and reception. And Bethany loves orange. Has always dreamed of having orange in her wedding. I know, it's certainly unique, but I love the way these centerpieces turned out. The wedding is going to be lovely and special and Charlie has to wear a tux, so YUM. I promise we will have pics to show off when all that is over, so you just sit back and wait.

There really isn't much more to say except that you have loved me as I am, and if you haven't, you aren't reading my blog. Those of you who do come back, I appreciate. Not just because you read and comment, but because I believe we lift each other up when we can. I am thankful that I started putting myself out there, and I will continue to do so, trusting that you all are going to be here, even when I am sad and grieving.

I'm Sissy, and I'm Out on a Limb.

post 199

2009-05-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

It is post 199 and it is not a fun one. I have bad news, and I hate to make you go read it at the other blog, but I can't type it twice. Read here about our birthmother changing her mind about placing the baby for adoption.