Thursday, January 31, 2008

ahhh, perfection

I suppose it was in high school when I first became aware of the concept of the Proverbs woman. It must have been in youth group. My youth pastor always did a yearly sermon series on dating and what a marriage should be. Hearts and flowers wasn't what he described to us...and I must confess that I wasn't romanced by Proverbs. While the woman the Bible describes is a mighty woman to behold, I am not there yet. She is organized, trustworthy, charitable, gracious, and eager to work and provide. Who am I? I am a daughter, sister, wife, friend and librarian, but am I eager to work everyday? Do I plant a garden and grow vergetables? Am I skilled in mending winter clothes? Am I "festooned with praises" by those around me? Certainly not. (what is festooning, anyway?)
Thank the Lord for Nancy Kennedy! The wonderful woman of God lived right in my hometown and felt inadequate like the rest of us. She wrote a book a book called "When Perfect Isn't Enough: How I Conquered My Fear of the Proverbs 31 Woman." What a woman of insight! I remember reading it long ago and thinking that I was not as overwhelmed as she (i have no children) but that the feelings of inadequacy would come soon enough. I need to reread the book as I am in a current funk of not feeling like I am enough. Am I what my boss, friend, mom, husband wants? Am I who God intended me to be?

A friend asked me the other day if I struggled with contentment. I said yes. I am always looking around and wondering why I wasn't blessed with what others have. I am blessed surely, but my heart desires things that I don't have yet. Man, I sound whiny.
Lord, give me the contentment that only You can bring. Heal my wanting heart. Sew up the wounds from mean high school girls and boys that broke my heart. Grant my mind the knowledge that I am the one the YOU made and that though I am not there yet, I am on the path You intended.
Look at how blessed I am! That man loves me, and those dogs certainly do! I am the dinner bell to them. Charlie is the romantic man I prayed for. Phoebe, the blond daugther, is my stubborn airhead (much like her namesake from Friends) and Lucy is the heart of the house. Those brown eyes running full-tilt around my kitchen. Who could ask for more, right?