Sunday, January 31, 2010

winter wonderland

We are surrounded by snow! Here in NC, we don't normally get this much, but it started snowing Friday night and continued on into Saturday. About 7 inches, I think, for our yard.

I wasn't sure what would happen with school tomorrow. I teach at a charter school that doesn't have buses, so sometimes we don't get the days off the county does. But we got the call tonight that school is closed for tomorrow because of rotten road conditions.

Wanna know why they are so bad? Here in Greensboro, they have just restored the famous February 1 Sit-in Woolworth's store that is downtown and made it into a civil rights museum, with the Grand Opening to be tomorrow. With ceremonies and dignitaries and such. Lots of big deal people and a snowstorm.

So the city spent more time cleaning out downtown this time, and less time on roads around the city, leaving a very dangerous driving situation and such. I don't blame them, cause this thing is a big deal for our city, but it makes it hard to get to the store, you know?!

I put on Facebook that I viewed tomorrow's snow day as a personal gift from up above, since God knows I could use a mental health day, and it feels like that. You might be able to tell from my posts that I have been down lately, carrying a heavy load. And that's how I feel, like there's a weight on my back that isn't letting up. Headaches, sickness, sadness; it all gets to me after awhile and piles up on me. This bonus day off is a chance to breathe and rest. I look forward to some quiet time. And maybe some Gilmore time. We'll see. I have a book around here somewhere that I can't find that I really want to read...maybe I'll go on a treasure hunt.

Well, I hope you all enjoy your snow day, if you have one, and leave me a comment if you do! What do you like to do on a snow day?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

when there are no words

Since I really don't have anything earth shattering or nice to say, I'm not gonna say anything. Well, much. It's Wednesday. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of a lot of things, but I don't want to elaborate, cause you might think less of me.

I love my husband. That's nice, right?

I love my puppies. Who doesn't love a puppy kiss?

I'm cranky and ready for bed and Nyquil, so that is where I shall go.

And leave you with this... nah, I got nothin'.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

can I focus on George Clooney?

Between the headaches of last week and the cold I seemed to have developed this week, it's been a busy couple of days. I wish I could go back to Christmas vacation and just sleep for a couple of days and rest. Plus, the more I delve into what's out there on the internet related to adoption, I learn more, but it also creates a little more anxiety and anxiousness. It's a lot to think about and wish and pray for.

Anyone have $25,000 to loan me?

I kid. Well, sorta. I think that waiting on adoption creates a little bit of tunnel vision. I get so focused on wishing and praying that I forget to live my own life. I have a job and should be searching for a new job and oh, yeah, a husband to love on. There are greater problems out there. Hello? An earthquake in Haiti for one. Why should I be living in this box when I have a lot to focus on?

I watched part of the Hope for Haiti Now telethon the other night and it was really cool. It was on so many channels, so I bet you saw it too. George Clooney, while certainly hot and a notorious monogamist, does seem to have a good heart for charity. And the clout to get other celebrities involved. And I really enjoyed the musical numbers and it wasn't an annoying telethon, but a simply done night (without commercials, mind you) where people could donate towards a whole bunch of charities.

And he even loves puppies. That proves he's a good guy, right? Then, last night he was on the Screen Actor's Guild Awards, looking yummy but tired in his tuxedo. He made some jokes and handed out an award, and just seems like a normal guy. I know, with millions and millions of dollars.

Hopped up on Nyquil last night and after two nights of George, I dreamed of him. I was helping him set up his apartment for a party and we moved out all his furniture and then I told him he needed to replace his nasty, stained carpet. Fun, huh? I always have vivid dreams when I take cold medicine.

I guess I can focus on George. That'll take my mind off a baby.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

headaches go away

Okay, so I told you the other day that my dad was a chiropractor. And I told you that I needed to get an adjustment because I was having migraines very close together. And I needed to find a new chiropractor because my old was is now thirty minutes away and I need to be able to get there quickly if I wanted to make an appointment after school.

So I looked up a couple of chiropractors online. My husband gave me a name of a guy he went to, but I remembered him saying he thought the office was weird and the location wasn't that great. So I chose another guy (Dr. B) who attended the same school as my dad.

Bad idea.

Let me also say that I know many people view chiropractic as a scam in the first place. I grew up with it, so it is completely normal to me and I know it helps me. I get an adjustment on my neck and I have fewer headaches. I take less medicine. I don't go all the time and I don't believe you need to.

Okay, so the first thing I didn't like was the smell of the office. It was weird, and I can't account for where it was coming from. I filled out some forms and finally met with the doctor. He talked with me for a few minutes about my symptoms and I told him up front I only liked to come when I needed to. He did an exam and took some x-rays, and then set me up on an e-stem machine for some muscle therapy (all fine, since it's hard to adjust if the muscles are so tight they can't move.) Then he told me he wasn't going to adjust me, so I would have to come back after I did some ice on my neck to further loosen the muscles.

Okay. The secretary charged me and scheduled me for today. She wasn't sure what my copay was, so we just guessed.

Charlie wanted to know why I didn't go to his guy and I told him all I remembered was him saying he was weird. He said the office was weird, not the guy. He really liked the guy and thought him honest. Wires crossed.

Today I returned and she still hadn't talked to the insurance company. I had more therapy and then my adjustment and the doctor showed my my x-rays. We talked a few minutes about how he wanted me to come twice a week for six weeks, and when my allotted adjustments with my insurance run out, he would still want me to come. Um, no.

So the secretary tries to call the insurance company and they're closed. HUH? What? She says she'll call tomorrow and let me know what they say. She wanted me to schedule my next appointment and I told her I wasn't sure about when I wanted to come back. She then tells me that the insurance companies like to see patients on a treatment plan with chiropractors or they'll make me pay full price. So I should be prepared that if I don't keep coming in, I'll most likely be charged the full price. Again, no.

I pay again, without really knowing what I owe, but wanting to be covered.

I get in the car and dial the insurance company. I hold. Finally I talk to someone who tells me what my copay is, how many times I can go in one year, and that I do not need to be on any type of treatment plan to have my visits covered. Ah ha!

I told the lady the whole story and that I would most likely not be returning to this guy and would I be able to see someone else without it looking suspicious? Yes, she says, I can switch. No problem and she even checks on the guy the hubs recommended. He's on there as a PPO, so I can go there if I want to.

I just didn't like the experience today. It seemed like he wasn't hearing me when I said I didn't want to come for a whole bunch of appointments. I'm sure he knows what he's talking about when saying that prevention has a place in it, but I've lived my whole life with chiropractic care and am not majorly injured. When someone has a car accident or an injury, then I can understand seeing the doctor twice a week, but not when I just need to keep the headaches away.

I guess the lesson here is that I should have listened more to what my husband was saying. While I'm perfectly within my rights to choose my own chiropractor, we did get our wires crossed in that discussion and if we hadn't I might not have had such an odd experience.

Monday, January 18, 2010

dad was a chiropractor

Today we have a lovely Monday off and I am using the opportunity to go to the chiropractor. My dad was a chiropractor and when he died I had a hard time going to someone else. It was just strange having someone else adjusting me, but neck adjustments are the best, best, best thing for my migraines.

And I have had some kickin' painful migraines in the past couple of weeks. One was so bad that I had to call out from work, and I hate doing that. They seem to start in the middle of the night and I wake up with this pounding on one side of my head, and the medication isn't kind to my body. I don't take anything prescription, cause I have found that Extra Strength Excedrin helps the most, but the caffeine in it makes my bladder a little jumpy. And I don't really need that either.

I had a chiropractor in my old town that I loved, but since we moved it's a half an hour or more drive to get there. Getting there after school was a challenge and so I found myself putting off making appointments even though my back would hurt or I would have a headache. Today I looked around a little on the web and found an office not too far from my home and school with a chiropractor that went to the same college as my dad. I have an appointment today and am very excited to have my back and neck in line.

Hopefully today's appointment will go well and I will be able to rest this afternoon/evening. Having to take such care with my neck the last couple of days hasn't been the way I like to live. Yesterday I smelled like Icy/Hot all day because I was wearing a pain patch all day, and the generic kind wasn't very sticky. I kept having to restick it, and it was annoying. Finally I just wrapped a scarf around my neck to help it stay.

I have to admit that it's still sad to go to a chiropractor other than my dad. The first time I went to one, I cried. He was really nice about the whole thing, and talked me through it, but it was hard. With my other chiropractor, he was very kind and soft spoken, and I hate to leave him, but I just need to be seeing one closer to my home. I will have to send him a thank-you or something.

My dad's birthday was on this past Saturday and I attended a baby shower. Weird day. My dad was born in 1938, so he would have been 72, right? He died when he was 59, way too short of a life, right? And my dad was totally awesome. He was the best. He wasn't perfect, but he was a great dad. I miss him.

Okay, enough sadness.! On to my appointment.

Monday, January 11, 2010

cursed with the fear

I think we have talked before about fear and my issues with being brave. Yes, really. I'm getting better in small ways, but still need encouragement in so many ways. I told you before that I wrote a book over the summer and have been revising it over the past couple of months.

Now comes the hard part, I think. Sending out all those queries and shopping for an agent. I need to get ready for many, many, many rejection letters. And I don't know that I take rejection well. From boys, sure, I have tons of experience with boys not falling in love with me, but with something relatively academic, not really. I've never had trouble getting As or getting teachers to like me, but this is new. This is completely subjective without anyone really knowing me or my teachable, editable potential. I get one letter or email and anywhere from five to 50 pages to prove that my novel is worth publishing.

I think it is.

And the one person who has read it liked it (thanks, Emily.)

But if it isn't good enough, how will I really react with everything else going on? I mean, I'm looking for a job, I'm waiting for a baby and I'm not sure how I will feel if this ultimately doesn't turn out well. Writing is such a personal, cathartic experience. I think it's totally how I got through the failed placement, and for someone to take my healing experience and reject it, it will sting.

The fear gets me. It keeps me from pressing send and emailing my ohsocool novel off to potential agents. I suppose I just need to get over it and email it out and just let it all begin. Who knows what will happen.

If anyone out there has tips or a connection they want to share, please go ahead and comment. And if you know any agents that I should stay away from, I'd like to know that too!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

on the couch

The cold air has brought with it the spirit of hibernation. Although I have had to go outside this week, because work calls, today is one of those days where I just want to stay in my pajamas. I know eventually I will shower and brush my teeth and get myself moving, but the need to rest is taking over right now.

There has been much weighing on my mind recently, with a job change looming in the future, and the adoption coming who knows when. It's interesting to think about switching jobs. I like the one I have and do well at it, and it runs on the school system calendar, which means summers off, but thinking about changing is a little exciting. The school system has been good to me, but it's interesting to explore the options out there.

One thing that has piqued my interest is the medical field. I think that working in a doctor's office as a front desk receptionist or medical records clerk would be very intriguing. I applied with a couple of places, but applying over the internet doesn't really convey my interest very well. All I could do was send in my resume and hope for the best, I guess. We'll see what happens. I do have computer skills and I grew up around a medical practice (my dad was a chiropractor) so I think I would do well.

If anyone around Greensboro has a lead on anything like that, let me know.

Right now I will get back to my lounging. There might be a nap in my future. Hmmm, yes I can predict a nap.

Monday, January 4, 2010

come fly with me

Okay, I am watching the Bachelor and a thought ran through my mind...what kind of woman would sign up for this show?

And then I remembered: I did.

No, I didn't get on the show. Hardly. I'm not a size four and don't have a closet full of evening gowns ready to go.

But I did apply. Back in the day, when Kristen and Malinda and I lived together, we would host these Bachelor nights with Kara and Megan and cook dinner and watch the show. It was our girls night and we had so much fun.

So one season Kristen and I decided to apply. It's a complex process that includes a long application and a two minute video tape. Two minutes. It's not a very long time to talk about yourself, and at the same times it seems like a looooong time. I ended up talking to the tape for about a minute and then having the students in my high school classroom talk about why I should be on the show. They were really cute and they wanted me to have a man.

I don't know what I would have done if I'd actually been picked. I watch the show now and what little clothes the girls wear and how impossible it seems to be find someone to marry after five dates. I have never been tan and I don't look good in a bikini.

It just seemed like something fun to do. An interesting anecdote to have one day. And I guess it is.

I think really I just had a crush on Chris Harrison, the host. At least he's getting paid to be there.

Oh, and the girl with the flight attendant outfit? Hang your head in shame.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

the year that was...

Year 2009 was full of many things. Wow. It's a lot to look back on, and some of it I just want to sweep under a rug. There were many good things, but all I can seem to focus on is the heartbreak. But looking though all my files, I saw many things I had forgotten about.

The laundry room renovation and new tile.

My man with the muscles digging this huge stump out of our front yard.

Learning to take pictures with my awesome new camera.

Bethy visited! Yay!

Our nephew Harrison turned two, and it was a Batman themed party.

Isn't my mom pretty? Totally.

Such a majestic dog, our sweet Phoebe.

Lucy is quite the comedian.

Charlie is too. A comedian, I mean. Isn't he a man to love?

Practicing with Snoopy in the carseat. It was one happy moment in time. Okay, so I probably shouldn't stop with this photo, but it's the last one that loaded.

Our pastor was talking last week about finding a new beginning, and a new year is often when people make resolutions and start things. My husband is all geared up for saving money this year and beginning a new budget. I just want to finish things. I want our adoption to be finished, I want to get my book finished and published. I want to finish my job with my head held high and find a new one. Well, I guess that's a new start. I will be beginning a new job somewhere at sometime who knows when and that will be something new to conquer.

Here's to 2010 and what it can bring.