I think many of you know that my life hasn't been the easiest of late. In the spring there was all this upheaval and uncertainty in my job, added to the fact that I am dealing with infertility and my mother moving into my house. Lots going on. And most of the time I think I handle it pretty gracefully. At least, I hope I handle it gracefully. I would like to.
But every now and then something comes along that really hits home and it hurts. Like this movie that my husband rented recently. Then She Found Me is a movie with Helen Hunt, Colin Firth, Bette Midler and the guy married to Sarah Jessica Parker. He has a name, but I can't remember it right now.
In this movie, April (helen hunt) is 39 and wants to have a baby. Sadly, her husband has just left her. She herself was adopted, and doesn't think she wants that life for her child. She then meets two people...a new man, and her birth mother. It's an interesting conversation movie.
But when she is lying on the table waiting to be InVitroed or whatever, she refuses to pray. She feels like she has lost faith.
I get like that. All the time.
I feel like maybe my prayers aren't good enough, otherwise God would answer them. I wonder if I am wrong to pray for a baby. Like maybe that's too bug a something to ask for. And I know it isn't, but here I am, a year and a half after we started trying, sitting here with no baby. And another month has just past where I have not ovulated. And I am sad.
So Friday night I had myself a little cry, brought on by this movie. And in the movie, April and her new man eventually adopt a little girl from China who is adorable, and they have a happy ending.
I'm ready for my happy ending, too.
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