I think I put myself out there in print. But being real in person can be so much more difficult. Sometimes I just gloss over my hurts and pains in real life instead of addressing them and getting past it. Then I come and dump it all on you, my ever faithful readers. And you take it and pray for me and wish me well. I think. I hope.
In my real life, I don't think I'm brave at all. I think I shrink into the background many days and become the wallpaper. There, but not really all that present. Appreciated, but not really noticed.
Sometimes I feel that way with God too. I feel invisible, and I know I am not. But it's hard to keep the faith sometimes. Today is one of those days where I feel horrible and am feeling low. I know it's all supposed to work together for good, but I guess I just gotta keep praying. I have to trust that this will work out and if I'm supposed to be a Mom, it will happen. But I feel overwhelmed and hormonal and tired and stretched beyond my capacity for intensity. And I know that many of you will sympathetically tell me to be patient, and I know I need to hear it. So I will keep waiting.
And waiting. With my box of tissues. Out on a Limb.
I am a woman with more questions than answers. I am constantly searching, learning, decorating, loving and muddling my way through this life. I live under His grace. I stray daily from my faith, my diet, the road, but never my husband. I could eat a whole dish of tiramisu and not feel guilty. I could knit a sweater with all the dog hair on my floor, if I swept it up, or knew how to knit. I am hanging on, holding out, and hoping for the best God has to offer.
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10 comments:
Sissy,
I'm not going to tell you to be patient. But I'll climb out on the limb with you and wait. And pray.
I was always told never to pray for patience. Because then God would give you something to be patient about :-)
Do you read Joye? Over at "My Happy Place?" You guys are going through the same things. And one of the things that sometimes helps you get through these times is when you connect with other people who are JUST like you.
If you want to check her out: http://joye2world.blogspot.com/
i'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. will pray for you.
I am so there on the limb with you and Stephanie. I was also told never to pray for Patience for the reason Kat stated. Some day all of your sorrow will be gone in an instant. I can't wait to rejoice with you my dear. In the mean time, I'll be praying for you and I'll bring tissues out on that limb too. I'll be right there by your side offering support while crying with you.
I know (from experience) that when your're in the valley it's hard to see out of it and believe that there is anything else. Sometimes you just need someone to reassure you that there are mountains out there as well, someone else to have faith for you. Myself and all your other blogger friends are there for you. Just hold on.
To my Non-Invisible Friend.
I love you. You are wonderful and fun and I'm sorry again that we have to wait a day to see Twilight. Thanks for being real with us here. And thanks for being real IRL, too...as I believe that you are. At least with me. And I'm so glad. So sorry you are down. We need to watch a Friends. For real.
Hugs my friend. That's all I know to say. Praying that His will be done in your quest for motherhood.
Limbs are good places to find out that there is someone with strong arms below.
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27
I just came by today to tell you I always enjoy running into you in the comments. So many blogs, so little time. :-)
You write so well.
I never even considered the oh so very meaningful name of your blog.
Heart you!
PS, wish I had something inspiring to say but, alas, I don't.
Double Heart you?
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