Wednesday, November 12, 2008

more questions

Just want to give you an update that our appointment went well and it certainly answered a ton of our questions, but it also gave me more questions to deal with myself.

I'm not sure what I expected. I think I expected them to tell me that they were always looking for people "just like us" and that a nice birthmother would just want to give me the baby tomorrow. And I know it isn't like that. I know that. But maybe I was hoping that the meeting would be encouraging and she would calm all my fears. She didn't. She was real about the entire process...that it can take two years, that many times the birthmother changes her mind, and that it is expensive.

My husband came away feeling like we were on our way. I came out a little deflated. It just shows how different we are. He was ready to talk, and I was ready to sit and think and process.

I think I have a difficult time getting my head wrapped around the waiting. I guess I didn't think it would take so long. Don't know why. I'm impatient. And not conveying all this very well, either. We came home last night and went to bed. I didn't watch any TV or get on the computer...we just crashed. It was a day full of heady emotions and we were exhausted.

Today I am doing more research. If any of you out there have adopted and would recommend your agency, comment and let me know what the name is. Right now we are searching blind and it's hard to know if anyone is reputable or not.


Jennifer P. said...

You conveyed that perfectly. I would say that you and your husband's reactions to the situation were very typically male/female! I think we want all the answers NOW! I wish I had an agency to recommend to you--I don't. But I will (continue) to keep you in my prayers.

Congratualations! Overwhelming00but very exciting too!

Nili said...

I will keep you guys in my prayers...know that although the process may seem long and arduous, the placing of the little one that God has planned for your family could possibly be faster then you think. Finding an agency and getting the paperwork/homestudy done is the first huge hurdle and can be done quickly f needed. We started a private open adoption the day the little boy was born and I was able to have everything in place to take him home with in 2 days. And although this adoption did not work out, the birth mother changed her mind, it did calm some of my fears and brought me to trust in God even more. Sorry for the book...I just wanted to encourage you! Tell everyone you know that you are interested in adoption, you never know where or from who that little angel is going to come from!
God Bless...

Caroline said...

Having worked for a pregnancy care center in both Greensboro and Asheboro, I can tell you the agencies we referred to. Two were Christian based - Christian
Adoption Services in Matthews (near Charlotte), and Bethany (offices in Charlotte, Asheville, and Raleigh). Children's Home Society is also a very well-known and reputable agency (although not specifically Christian based). Bethany is very big and does domestic and international. I think CAS is a little more intimate and may just do domestic.

I have a good friend from school who discovered several years ago that she and her husband couldn't have children and after prayer/discussion decided to adopt. It has been about a year and a half since they turned in all the paperwork and were just waiting. They thought they had a baby girl, but the birth mother decided to keep the baby and then about a month later, they got a call about a little boy and he is in their arms now! She was about as hopeless as hopeless gets when I saw her earlier this year, but their prayers have finally been answered. I have so much respect and admiration for women who make adoption plans for their children and for couples who decide to adopt. It seems like it would be a lot to process and while it probably won't be a perfectly smooth road, the end result is that you'll have your baby...the one chosen for you by your Father. Keep us updated - you'll be in my prayers!

10 days!

Steve and Paula said...

Hi there,
I have a close friend who has adopted twice. Her blog has a wealth of info in it.
She and her husband have been there and back.

Anonymous said...

There is no "right" way to respond when it comes to the adoption process. You have questions and concerns, and that is ok. Just because they say that it could take two years doesn't mean that it will. It really all depends on the agency and the birth mother.

From my friends perspective, do not pursue the state department, unless yours is a whole lot better than Alabama. So far, that is not working in their favor. Their successful adoption took place with a private facility. While their birth mother changed her mind five months into the pregnancy, one week after the baby was born the birth mom called. She was ready to give her baby to my friends. God is faithful, even when we do not understand the path. Keep searching until you find someone you feel 100% comfortable with because you will spend a lot of time with this person. I'll keep you in my prayers. --Brandi

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

Pam, this is Jim. God's got your back. I love you.

(As if NBC would allow a God-reference. Nonetheless, I do love you and, more importantly, He loves you. May God bless this journey you embark upon, and may your waiting only provide you with all the more insight you will need when you cross the threshold of parenthood. *wink*)


Bird, Frizzy and Our Little Yaya said...

I left a comment with the agencies we used a day or so but do not see it on your blog now. Not sure what happened. The agencies we used are Adoption Alliance based out of San Antonio, TX but they have agencies around the U.S. The international agency we used was European Adoption Consultants. They are on the East coast but again work with local agencies across the U.S. You would need a local agency to do the homestudies and the EAC would help you with all of your travels, matching you up with a child and international paperwork. Please call me if you have questions. I recall the phrase, "Supply and Demand" IE. we have something you want so if you want it bad enough pay up. NICE aye? It is also very emotional going from begging God for a child any child to being asked what color child, age child, sex child and illnesses etc. in a child you want to adopt. You are making the same choice we did. Leave it to God re.the sex. Leave it to God re. the health unless there is something you know in your heart you can't do. No matter what, God has chosen your child already. He's just waiting for everything to fall into place for you and your husband for the perfect moment. Hang in there! Don't give up hope.

Sarah said...

Hi Sissy,

It is good to read updates on your story and hear hope...I am so glad you guys are taking steps down this road and I know it will draw you closer together as you prepare to add to your family.

THere is a friend of mine and my sisters whose blog is linked to both of ours...her name is Heather and her blog is the Barbour Shop. She and her husband have 1 biological child and the struggle for them to have another led them to adopting two precious children a few years ago. I am sure she'd welcome you visit and questions. You are very brave, my friend, and I pray that this story will only draw you guys closer to the Father and that He would fill your hearts with hope and peace and joy.