With adoption, I keep getting asked what race of baby I am looking for. With some agencies, Caucasian babies cost more, which I find slightly distasteful. One lady told me it was supply and demand (um, we will not be using you.) With others, they charge a flat fee. I can specify sex with some agencies, with others, I have to be more open to whatever comes along.
I keep coming back to the fact that if this were my flesh and blood child, I wouldn't get to pick that stuff. Well, I guess I could determine the race from looking at my white husband and my own pale reflection, but I wouldn't be able to choose anything else about my child. I would have to surrender that to God. He would choose whose nose was mimicked. He would choose the eye color, the hair color, and the sex.
And it might really be better that way. For me to surrender all that to God and let Him worry about finding a birthmother, a good match, and my child. I need to put all those worries in His basket and then let them go. I need to trust that God gave me PCOS so that another woman out there with an unplanned pregnancy would have a good home for her child to go to. I need to trust in His plan.
For now I am talking to lots of agencies and eliminating the ones that charge ridiculous amounts for Caucasian babies and will give me African American ones at half price. That leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. Yuck.
I am a woman with more questions than answers. I am constantly searching, learning, decorating, loving and muddling my way through this life. I live under His grace. I stray daily from my faith, my diet, the road, but never my husband. I could eat a whole dish of tiramisu and not feel guilty. I could knit a sweater with all the dog hair on my floor, if I swept it up, or knew how to knit. I am hanging on, holding out, and hoping for the best God has to offer.
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5 comments:
I never knew agencies did that but it does seem that they have their priorities a little askew, perhaps. You already have the attitude of a loving, accepting mother. What He gives you is what He meant you to have. Or rather, WHO he meant you to have. Hang in there, girl. This is just the beginning of a great journey and story. Can't wait to see how it all works out.
I had no idea agencies did that either. Wow. I just had no idea. This is an amazing adventure you're on, my friend. I can't wait to see who the Lord delivers through your heart.
Hi,
Saw your post over at Honeybee's. I have four adopted children and it's been the most wonderful, challenging, rewarding, humbling, and sometimes frustrating journey yet (not the children, but rather the bureaucracy).
Look for God to bless your socks off when His timing is revealed.
blessings,
~Toni~
I have a close close friend who has adopted two little ones ~ she has not updated in awhile but check her out:
www.kiddobeans.com
And if you need someone to talk to ... she would be happy to do it!
I stumbled upon your blog via Amy Z.'s blog and am so happy I did! You're such a good writer and I just loved your adoption posts. We also go to LifePoint (I think I remember seeing that somewhere on your blog). I also love the election project you did with your class. You are so creative! I hope everything goes well with the adoption. My sister adopted two children from Africa, so they have a mixed-race family and my own family is mixed as well. My sister gets a lot of questions (as do I) asking "are they yours?" and she always says Yes! the same way I do. :) I guess there are so many nanny's these days that people genuinely don't know, and that's okay. Anyway, thanks for sharing your journey. I'm really enjoying your blog.
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