Yesterday our head pastor was out of town and our youth pastor delivered the sermon. He doesn't get to speak that much in front of the whole church and so hearing him is a change of pace. And while his speaking style is very different from that of our pastor, I was really touched by his words.
See, he was talking about faith vs. fear. And I deal with fear. In a major way. In a way that impacts my health to a certain extent. Fear grips me and takes over sometimes and exerts control over my life. Fear is a very real thing to me, and the thing is that Jesus did not give us fear. It was not a perfect gift that He bestowed upon us. Not at all, yet it sits on my doorstep and attacks me daily.
And I let it.
I give in. I deal with it and take medicine for it, but I don't often pray about it anymore. I guess I've given up the idea that God will still want to heal me and take away the fear. Like He has a statute of limitations on how long is too long to pray for something. Like I passed the expiration date so long ago that it's too late.
It isn't too late. I just have little faith.
Why is it easier to believe for other people? Why is it easier to pray for miracles and healings and finances and horrible relationships when it's other people? Why can't I dedicate time to praying for the things in my life that need searching out and attention? Why can't I trust that God can take away the fear and restore me to wholeness? Cause it's easier to deal with the fear than the fact that God might say no.
So yesterday I cried and prayed and tried to take in the lesson that God is there to calm the storms. That He doesn't want me to be paralyzed by the worry and the stress comes my way. He wants to whisper the words that smooth out the waves and clear the skies. And He can. I'm just not in control of WHEN He will.
I am a woman with more questions than answers. I am constantly searching, learning, decorating, loving and muddling my way through this life. I live under His grace. I stray daily from my faith, my diet, the road, but never my husband. I could eat a whole dish of tiramisu and not feel guilty. I could knit a sweater with all the dog hair on my floor, if I swept it up, or knew how to knit. I am hanging on, holding out, and hoping for the best God has to offer.
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8 comments:
Oh, Sissy. Don't neglect praying for you because you are so very worth it. Psalm 91 comes to mind, that's what I pray when I am afraid. Peace to you.
Wow. This is a powerful post. Thank you for writing it.
I can totally understand where you're coming from on this post. While I pray for others and believe God's goodness for them, I often doubt his goodness towards me, which leads to anxiety and then me trying to control the situation- and we all know how that ends up most of the time. I think that at the root, it's a mix of my own pride and a feeling of not being worthy of his goodness, which I'm not (none of us are), but have been made so through his Son.
That's why we need fellow Christians, to encourage us in moments like this. I've been praying for my parents' salvation for nearly ten years now and they don't seem any closer to belief than they did before I became a Christian. Daily prayer for them gets harder and harder as hope diminishes. But I'm so encouraged when I hear about people who prayed for someone for 50+ years before they came to salvation. God listens.
Our SS lesson yesterday was on knowing God's love and accepting it so fully that there is no fear. Its hard for me to imagine that, but I want it. One day, we won't know fear or have to fear anymore. I look forward to that day, but there is something about the process that is beautiful too.
Thank you for sharing that with us.
So many of us battle with fear constantly. All we can do is keep praying.
Thank you for being so transparent in this post. I want you to be encouraged, my sister in the Lord. I have been where you are.
I cried out for 14 years for deliverance from this spirit, and the reply I received was, "My grace is sufficient". And you know what? It is and it was. You see, I was on the potter's wheel, and fear was a tool in God's hand to shape me. What the enemy meant for harm God used for good, to retrain my negative thought patterns and conform them to His will. See, God knows we are generally lazy in applying His principles to our lives, and many times we will only walk in them when we are forced to, through painful circumstances.
God is not ignoring your cries. His deliverance is available to you. He has made a way but it is going to take some work on your part. If He rescues you too soon His will won't be accomplished in your life, and He is more concerned with reshaping you than He is with making you comfortable. The scriptures to help you are Phil. 4:8; Is.26:3; 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. You need to diligently guard your mind and diligently meditate on God's Word which will increase your faith. Romans 10:17.
A fantastic book I am reading now which will help you is: The Three Battlegrounds by Francis Frangipane. God bless you and I will be praying for you!
You are a gift Sissy...I loved this post.
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