my reputation precedes me

For the past two days I have been "the girl that choked." Ok, so maybe I'm not a girl anymore, but I can dream, right? Anyway, on our first day back to school, the teachers have all been asking me if I am all right, or how I am feeling, etc. It hasn't been too bad, and I certainly wanted to crawl under a rock there for a moment, but the minor celebrity has been kinda interesting. The flashing cameras are blinding me...NOT.

But it made me think about something else, something much more serious. What other reputation do I have? Am I known as a person who is kind and helpful, or am I known as a person that is gossipy and untrustworthy? Are the kids happy to come to my class, or finding any excuse to miss it?

Now, I say all this with a caveat...it isn't so important what other people think of me. It isn't life or death. But I want my light to shine on other people. I want to be the light, not the shadow.

I want to be respected. And I think that I might not always be the best example of who I want to be. I know I snap at kids sometimes. I know I tend to be a drill sargent out a carpool. I know I am strict about late books. I grumble about teachers at my job.

Is that the best I can be?

Can I do better?

I think so.

Proverbs 31 talks about how my children should rise up and call me blessed. Am I that kind of woman? I don't think I'm there yet...there's much more work to be done here. I need to learn to guard my mouth and my thoughts and be kinder and gentler. I want to be someone that the other teachers look to when they need an ear or want to share. I want to be someone that my students will tell their kids about. I want to be the kind of wife that prophets write about.

Don't you? Am I alone in this?

I want to be the light in my students' day, in my husband's day, in my friend's day. I want to learn a little more compassion and a give up a little grumpiness. I think I can do it.

I want my reputation to precede me.