Monday, January 5, 2009

the year that was...

Last year wasn't really the best year for me, I guess. I want to look back with all these accomplishments now under my belt, but that wasn't what ended up happening to me. Not at all. Not even close.

Last year I struggled.

It really started at the end of 2007. We weren't getting pregnant and I was having a hard time coping with that reality. I started January with a sense of depression and lots of tears, and I wasn't sure what to do with all the pain building up inside me. It wasn't a fun time to be me.

I cried on my husband.

I cried on my friends.

I cried at work.

I cried at home.

And it got old. I felt like I had so much to say and nowhere for it to go. My husband was sweet and would listen to me hour after hour, but he couldn't solve it and it wasn't fair to keep dumping it all on him. I needed somewhere to lay it all out, get it out, and go on with my life.

I started a blog.

And thus began a year of letting it all hang out in cyberspace, and meeting you all in this supportive world in my computer. People who don't blog don't know what a family you can build in the women who read what you write. I was saying the other day that I don't have a niche, but I use my blog as a little bit of therapy. My own personal group of female Dr. Phils out there to offer a little advice, support, and encouragement when I need it. It's been a very eye-opening experience.

This isn't to say that my year got better. It didn't.

I almost lost my job and I never did get pregnant. After 7 rounds of Clomid and several with the yucky Metformin, we decided to adopt. That decision lifted some of the pressure off me and my uterus! Whew!

Looking back on it, the depression started to lift in September or so. About the time I started committing it to prayer. Well, whaddoyaknow? Peace.

I think the peace flooded in, not because I was praying to get pregnant, but because I was praying for His will to be done. I had to let go of what I thought the plan was and start looking around for what His plan was. And then the pieces began to fit and things started falling into place.

This is the part where I say "thank you." Thanks to those of you who prayed and commented, who gave me encouragement, and who continue to read my little corner of the world. Thank you to those of you who read, but don't comment, but you pray anyway. Thank you to those of you who comment and say such wonderful things.

I begin this year with an abundance of hope. That's the gift God gave me in 2008.

Who could ask for more?


Julie said...

Good morning. I'm new around here, but I want to tell you that your post was very honest and moving. I am happy you felt God's peace this past year. I pray that you will continue to find rest (hope and peace) in Him. God's best to you!

Anonymous said...

I love my bloggy family, including my Sissy! Prayer changes everything. God bless. this Year is gonna be different, you'll see! -hunnybee

Kimberley said...

Abundance of hope is a great way to start!

Your blog design is one of the most beautiful I've seen--and I've seen a lot!

Looking forward to reading more in 2009!

emily said...

i love you! so glad you started all the many forms it takes. glad to be included in your online family and real life one as well.

love, Dr. Phillis

Jamie said...

I've so enjoyed getting to know you further through your blogs. I love your writing style. Thanks for being vulnerable and open. It's refreshing. Thanks sis!

Karin @ 6ByHisDesign said...

beautifully said, sissy.

love you.