Monday, January 11, 2010

cursed with the fear

I think we have talked before about fear and my issues with being brave. Yes, really. I'm getting better in small ways, but still need encouragement in so many ways. I told you before that I wrote a book over the summer and have been revising it over the past couple of months.

Now comes the hard part, I think. Sending out all those queries and shopping for an agent. I need to get ready for many, many, many rejection letters. And I don't know that I take rejection well. From boys, sure, I have tons of experience with boys not falling in love with me, but with something relatively academic, not really. I've never had trouble getting As or getting teachers to like me, but this is new. This is completely subjective without anyone really knowing me or my teachable, editable potential. I get one letter or email and anywhere from five to 50 pages to prove that my novel is worth publishing.

I think it is.

And the one person who has read it liked it (thanks, Emily.)

But if it isn't good enough, how will I really react with everything else going on? I mean, I'm looking for a job, I'm waiting for a baby and I'm not sure how I will feel if this ultimately doesn't turn out well. Writing is such a personal, cathartic experience. I think it's totally how I got through the failed placement, and for someone to take my healing experience and reject it, it will sting.

The fear gets me. It keeps me from pressing send and emailing my ohsocool novel off to potential agents. I suppose I just need to get over it and email it out and just let it all begin. Who knows what will happen.

If anyone out there has tips or a connection they want to share, please go ahead and comment. And if you know any agents that I should stay away from, I'd like to know that too!

4 comments:

Maria in Lewis Land said...

First, I applaud your writing ability and the accomplishment in actually writing your book...and all in a summer! Impressive.

I completely understand the fear thing as well as the rejection element. Two of my friends and I wrote a children's book. We sent it to the one publisher that we thought we'd be perfect for. Rejected. At that time all of our lives hit serious crossroads. We decided to table to effort for a while and it's been close to four years. My friend who is illustrating it is in the final stages of completion. We considered self-publishing too.

For now, we may just use blurb or lulu in order to get a few hard copies.

Not much advice here except - go, go, go. A good place for your energy during your adoption wait.

Alison said...

Sissy,
I think it's awesome that you've written a book and I truly can understand your fear. It's hard putting yourself out there and it's doubly hard subjecting yourself to possible rejection. I don't have any great book writing/ publishing info, but you might consider emailing my mom. I'm not sure if she can help you with your specifics, but you never know. This is her work address:
nkennedy@chronicleonline.com

Good luck!!!
I hope to be able to say that I'm the friend of an author one day. I can tell the "I knew her when..." stories.

redeemed diva said...

You can do it!
I think developing a thick skin is in order--I recommend mud baths. There will be critique, but the most important thing is that you've written it and you are willing to go ...out on a limb. It's who you are. You are brave. You are a daughter of the King. He has words that this generation needs to hear and He's chosen you to be the one to write them. Don't back down. Refinement is only part of the process. Remember, silver is the last impurity to come out of gold. You have gold to share. The editors will only take out the silver.

You can do it. I'll be your cheerleader. Maybe I"ll even do some high kicks (but don't hold it against me If I can get me leg that high, ok?) You can do it Sissy.

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