I think we have talked before about fear and my issues with being brave. Yes, really. I'm getting better in small ways, but still need encouragement in so many ways. I told you before that I wrote a book over the summer and have been revising it over the past couple of months.
Now comes the hard part, I think. Sending out all those queries and shopping for an agent. I need to get ready for many, many, many rejection letters. And I don't know that I take rejection well. From boys, sure, I have tons of experience with boys not falling in love with me, but with something relatively academic, not really. I've never had trouble getting As or getting teachers to like me, but this is new. This is completely subjective without anyone really knowing me or my teachable, editable potential. I get one letter or email and anywhere from five to 50 pages to prove that my novel is worth publishing.
I think it is.
And the one person who has read it liked it (thanks, Emily.)
But if it isn't good enough, how will I really react with everything else going on? I mean, I'm looking for a job, I'm waiting for a baby and I'm not sure how I will feel if this ultimately doesn't turn out well. Writing is such a personal, cathartic experience. I think it's totally how I got through the failed placement, and for someone to take my healing experience and reject it, it will sting.
The fear gets me. It keeps me from pressing send and emailing my ohsocool novel off to potential agents. I suppose I just need to get over it and email it out and just let it all begin. Who knows what will happen.
If anyone out there has tips or a connection they want to share, please go ahead and comment. And if you know any agents that I should stay away from, I'd like to know that too!
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