This week has actually been a pretty good week, with the exception of one tidbit. A woman at my work is pregnant. Now, don't get me wrong, that really is good news. For her. And I am happy for her. Really. I am. Don't I sound happy? No? I'll work on it.
I know that she didn't get pregnant to hurt me. I know that she didn't announce it to rub it in my face. I don't even know if she knows that I'm having trouble with infertility. I know all that. But it hurts me just a little. A little.
It is stupid and I am being overly sensitive. It really is great news for her, and I know it will be fun to watch her plan and pick out names and she really will be a cute pregnant woman. But I want it to be me. I am jealous. I want to be the one thinking about names and maternity leave and baby clothes and nursery decor. I want it to be me so badly.
Here is the kicker...they only tried for one month. ONE MONTH. ONE MONTH.
Pray for me. Please.
I get caught up in the want. I hurt and get jealous and I sin. I covet. I forget that I have what I need. That the Lord has provided me with a husband, a family, a house, a car, two dogs. And I am asking for more. For what I want. It is such an overwhelming want at times. Last week we went around to yard sales and all we saw we baby clothes and kids things. It seems to surround me and I see reminders everywhere. I want.
Help me to release the want and live in Him. Help me to see that I am already blessed beyond belief and that anything else would be gravy. Help me to graciously congratulate this friend and be a help to her these next seven months. Help me to know that it will be in Your time, Lord, not in mine. Let me see clearly.
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