my umbrella is still missing

It's the end of a very long week and I have been under a heavy load. My mind is burdened with things that need to be done, and I am slowly checking them off. One by one.

I am still in a funk. I am in need of grace and mercy and healing. I need to be lifted up. I need to curl up in my bed and sleep, but the rest does not come. I need tissues with lotion.

I apologize that this is short and depressing. It depresses me even more right now and I hate that too. Ugh, vicious cycle.

thank you, academy

It's Sunday night and I'm watching the Oscars. Now, I normally watch the Oscars and I like to have popcorn and watch what happens. I like to see the people who win and what they say, especially if they aren't boring and reading from a list. I admit I like to see the fancy dresses and what the ladies wear, and what they shouldn't have worn.

I like it, I admit it.

But I'm a tad bit morbid.

My favorite part is the "in memoriam" sequence.

If you don't know what that is, it's a film sequence that they put together with all the Academy members that have died in the past year. And I don't know why I like it, but I think it has something to do with saying goodbye to those that have gone on from this life. And most of these people are from black and white films that we don't even watch, rent, or find anywhere but AMC. But they deserve to be honored, and I think it's a beautiful thing.

I mean, say you were in a movie in the 40s and you were considered a "beauty" for that time. But you only made three movies and then you went on to be a mom and a grandma and live your life. What a neat thing to be remembered one last time by millions of people. To have all the modern stars pause for a moment. Sure, they may take that moment to go to the bathroom, but I'd like to think that they watch and remember.

I know. It's weird.

But I'm a sap like that. I'm a sucker for sap.

Monday update: I had to stay up late to see my favorite part and it was even better that usual. They brought Queen Latifah out to sing "I'll be seeing you" and I love that song. While she sang, they showed all the pictures and a clip of Paul Newman signing off was the last one.

I also have to add that it was the most fun ceremony they have had in years. Hugh Jackman (sigh, drool) was great and that musical number was spot on. The stage was beautiful and elegant and I was impressed! Kate Winslet's speech was funny and heartfelt and I don't know how I made it through Heath Ledger's family accepting his Oscar. They are a special family.

And now, I'd like to thank my mom and dad, and my two brothers, who always believed in me. I'd like to thank my high school English teacher who always gave me an A, and liked my turn of phrase. And I'd like to think that my words have reached millions who are touched and moved and inspired.

Yeah, right.

wanna see the bathroom again??

The very lovely Nester (who I can brag and say I know personally) is hosting a linky party for 10 minute makeovers. On your house. On a room in your house. She has some great ideas (OF COURSE) but there are more than 75 other bloggers who have linked up and shared their ideas as well. Cause we're smart to share the love that way.

I linked up an old post I did about painting the hall bathroom. Yes, it took more than ten minutes. No, I don't feel bad about including it. I did it in a day, so I was certainly proud about that. Click HERE to see more.

And I have tried for about five minutes to copy the cute logo she provided, but for some reason my computer is not be very cooperative about posting it. It's cute. Go over and check her out. The Nester always has great ideas about your home decor. She's one of the few buttons I have on my sidebar.

jim + pam = happiness

This is my current wallpaper on my computer and I love it. Don't you love it? Even if you don't love the Office, you have to admit that this photo is lovely. And the man in it is handsome. Soooo handsome. MMMMmmm.


Here are the reasons I like it. And these are in no particular order...I'm just calling them like I see them.

1. I love the lighting in the shot. I know it is California and they are outside and it is warm there and I want to be on that red carpet.
2. I wish I could get dressed up for fancy stuff.
3. I love the expression on Jim's/John's face. So sweet. Smiling down on Pam/Jenna in the way that makes me think that he might have actually had a thing for her at one time. And I know that stars are ACTING, they aren't actually in love, but I still like to think it's real. I still think that Chandler and Monica are together somewhere. Leave me to my fantasy.
4. I wish Charlie would wear a tux all the time. He's going to be in a wedding in May and I was so happy when the groom asked him. I knew I would get to see him in a tux. Yum.
5. Did you see the episode of the Office after the superbowl and Jim told Pam's dad how he felt about Pam? I think my heart skipped a beat. I rewound it and played that part twice. Great writing on that show.

In the past I have had pictures of Lucy on my wallpaper. I have had hail and leaves and trees (of course) the X-men (charlie's pic) and Iron Man. Depending on my mood, I change it around.

Which brings me to my next question...what's on your screen?

have you seen my umbrella?

Even though I love Valentine's Day, this past month has been hard on me. I find myself in the middle of a slump. An honest-to-goodness series of days where I have been down in the dumps. And I can lay the blame on several things: my health, the adoption stuff and the season. And while I can recognize that I am indeed in a slump, it's hard to find the motivation to dig myself out. Or to trust that someone else can.

I deal with overactive bladder and I take medication for it. It's a syndrome that can really mess with your mind, because you don't have control. And unlike being infertile, where I also had to release control, this is more urgent and more on my mind. If you had to pee all day, everyday, you wouldn't be full of sunshine either. I don't sleep well, cause I have to pee. I hate riding in the car, cause I have to pee. Going to the movies can be stressful, cause, guess what? I have to pee. Most of the time the medication works. But then I go through these times when it just doens't seem effective and I am stressed out.

The adoption stuff has been great, but it is a ton of work. And though we are really almost finished with this portion of it, then we will begin the waiting game, which I am not looking forward to at all.

This season is a very busy time at school, and I have several major events coming up, and since I am not well rested (cause I have to pee) I am not getting things done like I would like. Sometimes my mind wanders while I am at my desk and I will find that ten minutes have gone by without my notice. Unlike last year, when my job was in jeopardy, this year is just filled with all the things I need to do at work, and then I think about the scrapbook I need to work on for birthmothers to look at and the form I need to get done and all I want to do is put on my pajamas and watch Friends.

I have not cleaned my house in two weeks. The dog hair is piling up.

I need to paint my bathroom for the social worker to see, but I need a new mirror and don't have the funds to get one right now, so the painting will wait. And the can sits on my island.

I have not been to the grocery store in two weeks and I have not planned my dinner menu and I don't know what we're having for dinner and I love to cook, so I am bummed about this. I like to plan, and I have not.

I am weary. I feel like I am in the middle of a stormcloud and I can't find my umbrella.

I think back and I know I posted about this some other time. About how when things get us down it is hard to trust and know that God is with us. I know that this is the time I need to trust Him more. And give it more to Him to handle. I think about other bloggers who have it much worse ( and I know you are out there.) I have not lost my job. I do not have a serious disease. My marriage is not falling apart. We have the funds to adopt. I am not losing my house.

Why can't I celebrate?

Why can't I thank God for the things I have? Why don't I get up off my behind and praise His name, and vacuum at the same time?

Pray that I can. Pray that I will. Pray that this season of grumps will turn into a season of sun. Offer me some advice. Send me an email to lighten my load. Cook me dinner...no wait, that's a little too much. Just pray for me.

Excuse me now, I gotta pee.

the house of sickness

Well, our house is quite germy right now. I have some sort of stomach bug and Charlie has a sinus infection. This we have learned about each other...when I am sick, I want attention and to be nursed a little. When Charlie is sick, he wants to be left alone. He is cranky.

Let me repeat. He is cranky.

And, like a pregnant woman.

The other night when he was coming down with his sinus stuff, he wanted to go to the store, so we went. He decided he wanted Sprite and soft tissues. Ok. We picked up some Nyquil. Ok. We stood there in the store and I asked him if he wanted anything else. No, he said.

Not an hour after we got home he said he wanted cereal. I told him we had Life cereal in the cabinet. He said yuck. Then he pouted and looked pitiful. So I got in the car and went back to the store to pick up Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch.

He was content to eat right out of the box.

My husband has class.

doctor's offices (a yawner, don't say I didn't warn ya)

I hate to bore you with more adoption stories, but today we accomplished another step. Charlie and I both had physicals as part of our paperwork process and it wasn't too bad. I don't think I've had a physical in years...I only go to the doctor when I am sick, or for the annual visit to the OB-GYN.

Here are things I think are semi-funny about doctor's offices, but I seem to find wherever I go...

• The chairs in the waiting room aren't ever comfortable, and I hate it when they are attached at the arms. That just isn't enough room when it is a crowded waiting room, and the person sitting next to you is quite large.
• Why aren't there ever good magazines? Who wants to read Ski Magazine? Come on, would it hurt to invest in People? Or Real Simple?
• Do they need to put me in a room and ask me to sit on the exam table when there are two perfectly good chairs in there? Especially when they are going to leave you in there waiting for another twenty minutes. That isn't comfortable. At all. I always just sit in the chair.
• Urine samples aren't easy for women. We just aren't made that way.
• The hallways back behind the reception desk are a maze of beige walls and closed doors. And nothing is labeled in a manner that makes sense to the patients.

Now, my doctor's office is brand new and the doctor was really nice. The room wasn't this teeny-tiny cubicle and the doctor happily filled out all my forms. The billing woman, though, was a tad snippy, but I can forgive her if she has to deal with insurance forms all day.

Ok, even I am bored typing this post. It's quite a yawner. Life just hasn't been filled with excitement lately. Lots of paperwork, appointments, and family stuff going on and the only thing I have to report on is my appointment. Charlie has a sinus infection. I grocery shopped yesterday and made hot dogs for dinner last night. See, life is so interesting!

Yawn.

post about prints

Wanna hear a funny story about getting my fingerprints done? Yeah, you do. I know it. Click here. Plus, I have a new template over there that I know you want to check out. I know, it has trees on it. I have a sickness.

how I blog when I'm tired

This post doesn't really have a topic and sometimes that is ok, I guess. I just feel the need to post, but there isn't that much to talk about. So, here are some random happenings from this week.

• The men at church were hosting a chili cook-off and Charlie was excited about how he might be able to bring home the leftovers. He thought it would save me from cooking one night this week. I asked him if he'd ever noticed that I never made chili and he hadn't thought about it that much. I told him it was because I hate chili. He decided not to bring any home.
• I accidentally fell asleep this afternoon with wet hair and woke up with dry, out-of-control, non-moussed frizzy hair. It was ugly. My hair is now in a French braid.
• I cut my finger yesterday and everytime I bend it, it hurts.
• When it rains in the afternoons, you should think of me. Because I am standing outside for 45 minutes with a yellow slicker on, holding an umbrella by pressing my arm to my side so that I can keep a dry-erase board dry, so that I can do my carpool job. That happened two days this week. You should try it.
• Punxsutawney Phil is only right 37% of the time.
• It is legal to tackle someone by pulling on their hair. It's legal in football. I don't imagine it's a good practice in life.
• I got French fries at McDonald's today and they only filled my fry container up about half way and I didn't notice until I got home. Honestly, the fries are my favorite part. If the French really did invent them, I have to give them props.
• I keep waiting for Emily's blog to have a new design, and each day I am so excited to click over there, but it hasn't happened yet.
• I am waiting for The Office to come on after the Super Bowl, but it means watching the end of the SB to see it, and I just don't think I have that much energy left tonight. Thank goodness I can watch later online.
• We used up our January allotment of grocery money by the 25th, and although I could have shopped anyway, I decided to have a grocery challenge and see if we could eat all week without shopping for anything else. We had some weird combinations, but we managed to do it. Tuesday night we had leftover porkchops with pancakes and we each had an egg. Strange, but tasty.

That's probably more than you ever wanted to know about my sleepy little life. We really don't do much around here, and the grocery challenge was actually one of the most interesting parts of the week. See what I mean? If that's the highlight of my week?

Time for bed. Nighty-night.