I deal with overactive bladder and I take medication for it. It's a syndrome that can really mess with your mind, because you don't have control. And unlike being infertile, where I also had to release control, this is more urgent and more on my mind. If you had to pee all day, everyday, you wouldn't be full of sunshine either. I don't sleep well, cause I have to pee. I hate riding in the car, cause I have to pee. Going to the movies can be stressful, cause, guess what? I have to pee. Most of the time the medication works. But then I go through these times when it just doens't seem effective and I am stressed out.
The adoption stuff has been great, but it is a ton of work. And though we are really almost finished with this portion of it, then we will begin the waiting game, which I am not looking forward to at all.
This season is a very busy time at school, and I have several major events coming up, and since I am not well rested (cause I have to pee) I am not getting things done like I would like. Sometimes my mind wanders while I am at my desk and I will find that ten minutes have gone by without my notice. Unlike last year, when my job was in jeopardy, this year is just filled with all the things I need to do at work, and then I think about the scrapbook I need to work on for birthmothers to look at and the form I need to get done and all I want to do is put on my pajamas and watch Friends.
I have not cleaned my house in two weeks. The dog hair is piling up.
I need to paint my bathroom for the social worker to see, but I need a new mirror and don't have the funds to get one right now, so the painting will wait. And the can sits on my island.
I have not been to the grocery store in two weeks and I have not planned my dinner menu and I don't know what we're having for dinner and I love to cook, so I am bummed about this. I like to plan, and I have not.
I am weary. I feel like I am in the middle of a stormcloud and I can't find my umbrella.
I think back and I know I posted about this some other time. About how when things get us down it is hard to trust and know that God is with us. I know that this is the time I need to trust Him more. And give it more to Him to handle. I think about other bloggers who have it much worse ( and I know you are out there.) I have not lost my job. I do not have a serious disease. My marriage is not falling apart. We have the funds to adopt. I am not losing my house.
Why can't I celebrate?
Why can't I thank God for the things I have? Why don't I get up off my behind and praise His name, and vacuum at the same time?
Pray that I can. Pray that I will. Pray that this season of grumps will turn into a season of sun. Offer me some advice. Send me an email to lighten my load. Cook me dinner...no wait, that's a little too much. Just pray for me.
Excuse me now, I gotta pee.