getting the axe, kind of

It started with a conversation. My coworker and I were talking about having a job versus having a passion for what you do. It was casual, a couple of comments between classes at our school, but there was a serious undertone. I knew where this would be going...he was applying for a new job. Well, for his passion.

And so, the technology facilitator at our school left to become a head baseball coach, and it was hard for me to watch him leave. As the school's librarian, he and I worked closely together and shared the same space. The computer lab is in the library, and his desk was in the lab. We could talk to each other over bookshelves and coffee and it was a great working relationship.

I was so excited for him to be able to make a living at his passion. Coaching baseball at a college had been what he dreamed of doing for such a long time, and while it was sad to see him go, I could totally understand it. Like the Sam Adams beer commercial says, "find something you love to do and you'll never work another day in your life."

But his leaving complicated my position. Seems the corporate office that runs our school believes one person can do both jobs...be a librarian and oversee all the technology. And so the job will be changing, I was notified late one Friday afternoon. I am welcome to apply for the new job, but am not qualified, so I quickly bowed out.

I have my job through the end of the school year, and then the new person will take over. Well, technically, he/she could get hired and start sooner, but wouldn't assume all the duties until next fall. So, basically, I got nine months notice on my job. Who else gets that much time?

Yes, I sound okay about this. That's largely because most of this happened in the middle of September and it is now November. At first I was really angry about it, but now I see how there is so much out in front of me. So many possibilities. While I do need to be able to pay my bills, and will have to do something, I am thinking about doing some courses online to change careers. Who knows what I will become? Here's my chance to change and overcome the fear of what will I do? What should I have done when I was 18 and didn't know what decision to make?

Yes, I am nervous. Yes, there is much to think about. Yes, I am grieving leaving these kids and the staff and my friends there. But there's a whole world out in front of me.

I did wait awhile to tell you all, and it wasn't because I didn't think you couldn't provide support or prayers. It was because my attitude was wrong, and I didn't want to share that with you. I didn't need you to see me stamp my feet and whine that it wasn't fair, and yes, I did those things. But I want to share now, because I do need the prayers and support and advice.

Thanks for being there.