one sided

Here is a post I wrote months ago when I was hurting over a friendship that wasn't going my way. I wrote it in the heat of the moment, and then decided not to publish it right then. Well, that particular emotion has passed, but I thought I would share the lesson I learned in the hopes that others can learn too.


Dear Friend,

I have noticed that I am always the one who makes the move. I invite you. I send you a card. I want to be involved in your life. I take the time to call you if I see something you might like. I think of you as a friend I can confide in and share my secrets. My pains. My hurts and my successes. I want to share my big moments with you, and my little ones too.



You don't see me that way, do you?



You don't invite me. You don't include me much. You listen, but you don't share. You aren't interested in the daily aspects of my life. When we talk, I think you disconnect sometimes and it hurts. You don't really initiate anything. Sometimes I get a glimpse that you enjoy our relationship, but then it is gone. I have a glimmer of hope that we really connected, and then I get disappointed when I am not included in the next thing.



Maybe I should just let you go. Maybe it might hurt for a little bit that you can live without my friendship, but I might feel better in the long run if I don't get my feelings hurt all the time. Maybe I am just too sensitive, and your life is busy, and I just don't fit in.



So I'll pray about it and let God lead me to a decision.



Your friend,

Sissy



Did you ever have a friend(s) that made you feel like that? That you really weren't on their radar and it didn't matter if you called, or came by, or had a banner written in the sky? Someone you may have gotten to know and thought it was great, but time really showed how different you were?



I feel like that sometimes.



It isn't my favorite feeling.



Have you ever done it to someone else? Pressed "ignore" on your cellphone when you saw their name come up? Made excuses and planned other things, or were unavailable for when they wanted to meet you somewhere?



That isn't nice either.



So here's what I decided. That friend that I don't do much with...the one that keeps calling? She WANTS to spend time with me. She wants to talk to me. She wants to be involved in my life. She is the one excited to hear my voice when I do call and she is the one who asks me to do things.



That's the girl I need to appreciate. She's interested in being my friend.



And that's not to say the other one(s) isn't. Interested, I mean. But I don't need to worry my heart over someone who clearly isn't available for the deep, meaningful friendship that I want. She isn't in that place. And that isn't wrong, or mean.



It just is.



Women and friendships can be hard. We all want to be wanted. By this group, or that group, or the pretty girls, or the best bloggers, or our husband's family. It gets to be so important, but it's impossible to maintain all those relationships to a meaningful level. You have to have priorities, and that's ok. But I guess the realization I just came to was that one-sided relationships really aren't healthy. I want more than a friend can give, but someone wants that same thing from me. So I can choose to put my energy in a place that won't yield anything, or in a place that is hungry for my particular brand of sunshine.



And I think you should too.



I think you should take stock of those people in your life that are really asking for attention. They may need it for a reason that you just don't know. And show them some love.


Instead of reaching for someone that isn't available, give to someone that is there and asking.


Girls tend to make us feel like this, and I am ready for it to stop. I am ready to stop doing it to others. I guess that was the biggest lesson for me. I was hurting over some people ignoring me, and then realized that I can be just like that sometimes. And if I want to break the cycle, I need to be a big girl, and wear my big-girl pants, and move on.



I don't need to have the biggest group of friends.



I need to have the BEST group of friends.