What is it about getting off your butt that usually makes you feel better? I mean, I enjoyed my wallow, thank you, but today I am getting on with life and painting my foyer. I spent two days watching tv and movies, letting my mom feed me, crying on my husband, and now I am over it. Somewhat over it.
Today I am painting my foyer. Yes, that little room in the above photo with that ugly contemporary metal table. I was supposed to paint it when I did my big living room project, but we got lazy and decided to wait. So today I got the ladder back out and started painting.
And I am feeling better. Maybe it's being up on a ladder. Maybe it's a couple days of distance and a sweet husband. Maybe it's knowing that all of you are out there and you're praying for us. That did help, so I thank you.
Maybe it's thinking about my sweet friend at Stretch Marks, who is facing an even bigger disappointment. And she is coping with it as well as anyone can be expected.
I know it's my Lord, who comforts me in my anguish. I know He lifts me up when I am crying in the shower. I know He hears me when I yell about it, too. I know He helps me be kind to other pregnant women, and gracious when I am handed a baby to hold. He helps me kiss my niece and nephews and shower them with love.
But, then again, maybe it's the paint fumes.
I am a woman with more questions than answers. I am constantly searching, learning, decorating, loving and muddling my way through this life. I live under His grace. I stray daily from my faith, my diet, the road, but never my husband. I could eat a whole dish of tiramisu and not feel guilty. I could knit a sweater with all the dog hair on my floor, if I swept it up, or knew how to knit. I am hanging on, holding out, and hoping for the best God has to offer.
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9 comments:
I'm glad to see you're feeling better. We all need those days and I'm thankful you have such an amazing spiritual base and family for support. I have decided to share my story on my blog. IF you want to, please stop by. Last night was my first post on it. Today, I have another chapter I'll be adding.
I love seeing where your house is going and am envious. I am currently in a rental home and am only allowed to paint the walls white. It's a sterile white like in a Dr office or clinic. Very cold and I love color like you are adding. Keep it coming. I'll live vicariously through you.
What color are you going to paint...or are you going to keep us hanging?
crying in the shower is one of my favorite places to cry. i'm so glad there are others who do the same. praying for you sweet sissy.
i love your blog. i enjoyed reading through it. thanks for stopping by The Pink Potpourri! That was very crafty of you to re-glue the blue keds logos onto the other shoes!
Painting always makes a girl feel better. I would've totally brought you chai and watched Friends with you.
Probably not the paint fumes heheehe. I had a bit of a pity party last week and couldn't barely move b/c of pure exhaustion. I cleaned the bathroom anyway and felt much better afterwards. Its time to clean it again. Darn.
Wanted to let you know about this blog I found. You might be interested in the video posted today. http://coming2terms.com/2008/07/30/blogher-video-when-the-road-to-motherhood-is-anything-but-smooth.aspx They have had other blogs r/t fertility and adoption. I have added it to my blog list as I'm interested in hearing more. Who knows what my future holds and if I'll try IVF again. We'll see.
I am so glad your feeling better, I am still praying for you. My sister has been living with infertility for about 10 years now, so I see what it can do! You might have some things in common. She's on my blogroll, her blog is called "Because Britt Says So"
Have a great night, God Bless!
I think it's all the fumes :)!
It turned out great, and I'm glad that it was therapeutic too. I'll take your contemporary metal table if you don't have anywhere else to send it :)!
I already read the post below and I wish I could just hop a plane and come hug you. It's the hardest thing in the world when we want something--something good and righteous---and aren't able to have it. You want a baby. I would still like to be married. And we see evidences all around us of others having that thing and think WHY NOT ME?!?! I wish, wish, wish I knew. All I do vaguely comprehed is that we're God's children and He is in no way trying to "torture" or "tease" us. I know my kids sometimes think I'm the meanest mom in the world because I won't let them eat candy for breakfast, or stay up too late, or DRIVE THE CAR---and though they WANT those things, I know that they're not best for them. Does that make any sense? I'm not saying a baby isn't best for you, I'm just saying God has his reasons and His plan, and one day---ONE DAY---it will all make sense!
Love to you!
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