Saturday, September 27, 2008

my kingdom for a chainsaw?

Dear Yard,

As my current title is Queen of the Indoors, I am sure you are wondering why I am writing to you this fine day. It has been busy here in the kingdom and I wanted to explain why the King and I have been working in the yard. It seems that the previous King and Queen of this Castle did not serve you, yard. They had their own interests in mind and neglected you.

We will not do that.

And while it has been my previous position that I would not venture out much into my kingdom, the King asked for my help this week. I would like to apologize for the chainsaws, the root killer, the airater, the tiller and any other gas powered appliance the King brought into the yard. He is only trying to make you shine, but the yard needs to be weeded. And trimmed back. And scaled down.

Let me say, yard, that I did not want the King to chop down that particular tree. I specifically asked him not to, but as it is leaning towards the Castle, it had to be banished. I wanted no part of this trip to the guillotine, but I needed to verify the King's safety and I ventured out to help.

No, I am not smiling as I haul the tree away. That is not me. I have been framed. That is an imposter who hates trees and all they stand for...things like fresh air and shade.

I am sorry, yard, that this had to happen. Come spring I will bring new life into my Kingdom with new trees, plants and flowers. The Kingdom will blossom, if you will. Please be patient, yard. The King and I have not forgotten how you have brought much joy into our lives. Do not rise up against us and go your own way. We will lead you in the right direction if you would but allow us this chance.

Sincerely, and with much affection,

The Queen


Lula! said...

This was hilarious, Sissy...and very Jane Austenesque. She'd have loved it, too!

Debbie said...

Oh Sissy...that was so funny...and so in keeping with your Queen of the Indoors persona!