Have you ever felt like you try so many different things, but it's still not right? Whichever way you go, whatever you choose, somehow you just can't win? That is how I have been feeling the past couple of weeks. I have been given some goals at work and am working to accomplish them, but I don't feel like I am making much headway. I keep stumbling over silly little tasks and I don't know what else to do to make it better. There must be something I am missing. Some mysterious clue in all the clutter in my head that would give me a little more information. A little more direction. To help me make the pieces fit.
Kinda like this pair of curtain rod finials that I found at Goodwill. They were $3! Score! So cute. Vintage-y glass doorknob finials. I love glass knobs and finials, they make such a statement. I was even thinking that I had the perfect place to put them and that they would really dress up this plain, cheap rod I bought.
They don't fit anywhere or on anything.
I don't know what this manufacturer was thinking. The part that would screw on to the rod is so small that it seems like it would fit on one of those fat kiddie crayons that they give kindergarteners. Here I have this gem of a find, this awesome potential, and I can't use it in the way I intended. So frustrating.
This post might have been written backwards. Maybe I should have written about the finials and then related it to my life, but that is not how it poured out. I hate it that I am struggling. I hate it that I don't seem to fit. I feel unwanted and unworthy and I am not cute or ironic in this post. I am embarrased that I seem to cry everytime I talk to someone about it. How can I be a professional when I need tissues every five minutes?
I keep praying that I will see God's will in this. That seems to be my chant. I want to see His will in my job. I want to see His will in my infertility. I don't sleep and I stare at the ceiling wondering where He is leading. I am certainly stressed, and that isn't good for fertility either. Right? Can you tell I am a tad overwhelmed?
Oh, my. I have gotten off track. I meant this post to be about getting ideas for what I can do with those finials. Any creative ideas out there folks? I would love to be able to use them somehow, instead of donating them back to the Goodwill where some other gullible bargain hunter will likely pay another $3 for them.
Send me your ideas, your thoughts, and your prayers. I certainly need 'em.