His tomb is empty, My heart is full...

Easter has always been a fun holiday for me. I love the bunnies and eggs and flowers and baskets and all the fun pastel goodness of this day. And I love what it really stands for: my risen Lord. I love that Easter officially ushers in the sunshine and warmth of spring, bringing with it the renewal of our spirits.

I know all over this country, pastors are speaking about the cross and the empty tomb, and I love that story, I do. But this year Easter has a profoundly different meaning for me, an even more personal meaning. This Easter brings with it the promise of my newly growing family. This renewal of my spirit has shown me His love even more. How He could take a heart that was cracked and broken with infertility and turn it into a heart that is blossoming with the love of motherhood. While this baby is not mine yet, I already feel protective of her, already think of her sleeping in the crib, already love her.

How could I doubt His love for me? I look back on those months of insecurity and pain and am thankful that I was able to praise Him through it all. It doesn't mean I didn't doubt His plan for me or question His intentions, but I tried to seek Him through it all.

And should this adoption fall through, I will again live in His security. I will trust that my Savior will bring me joy in whatever way He sees fit. While I know that losing my daughter will break my heart, I have to trust that He has the best for me. And as much as I want her, as much as I have prepared for her, I have to be prepared to give her back. And not just to her birthmother, who could change her mind, but to Jesus, who has trusted me with her. I guess all parents go through this...our Lord has trusted us with a life, but in adoption it's different. Not only do I have a Heavenly Father trusting me with this child, I have a birthmother who has chosen us to raise her baby. It's heady.

Salvation: it's a promise, isn't it? A promise between intimates that says "I will trust, I will praise, I will acknowledge what You did, and accept Your will." Easter reminds us that He keeps His word. He arose. He conquered. He reigns.

In me.