Well, the last 24 hours have been busy and emotional. Yes, you might say, she is emotional A LOT. And you would be right. With the Clomid, it is like all my extreme emotions are right underneath my skin just bursting to get out. Like PMS all month long. My lucky husband!
Back to the events of the past day. I posted yesterday about the twins and we went up to the hospital to visit last night. They are precious. So delightful. I held Payden for awhile and he just slept in my arms. What a sweet baby. Cheyenne was being a little more cranky, but they gave her a pacifier and she settled right down. Charlie's mom was there as were Katie's parents, and again someone said to me, "Are you ready for three?" See they think it would be soooo funny if I had triplets since Christal had one and Katie had two. Everyone chuckled, but I was just frozen inside.
Church this morning was good and our sermon was written just for me. Pastor was talking about how everything we do is worship. How we were created for His pleasure. How I can choose to be thankful and praise Him for what I have instead of focusing on what struggles I am going through. What insight. I went down for prayer, as there are just so many emotions swimming around in my head. I do have so much to be thankful for...God has blessed me in so many ways and I just look right past those and see the thing He hasn't given me. Yet...He hasn't given it to me yet.
I pray that I might become a "choir of one." Someone who sings the Lord's praises all day. Those praises will help stitch up any wounds in my heart. I pray that peace will surround me and I can live my life without feeling victim to comments said around me. These people don't know where I am and what the problems are. They can't know how I ache inside.
Give me Your song, Lord. Let me sing for You.
I am a woman with more questions than answers. I am constantly searching, learning, decorating, loving and muddling my way through this life. I live under His grace. I stray daily from my faith, my diet, the road, but never my husband. I could eat a whole dish of tiramisu and not feel guilty. I could knit a sweater with all the dog hair on my floor, if I swept it up, or knew how to knit. I am hanging on, holding out, and hoping for the best God has to offer.
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3 comments:
People seem to forget all sense of tact when it comes to things pregnancy and baby related. I know it has to be frustrating when people kept saying over and over that you are gonna have 3. Try your best to let it roll off you back cause its gonna happen now until your kid graduates. They think their comments are funny or they are trying to be helpful, but its not!!
I wish I could have someone sit next to me all day and remind me to worship Him. I don't do that nearly enough and I, too, get distracted by the things that aren't how I'd like them to be.
I'm also sorry that the people around you aren't more sensitive. I know right now that their comments make you want to cry, really hard. I'll lift you up, though, and remind you that you have a mommy's heart for a reason. Just breathe and know that He is God.
It sounds like your Clomid is working. I'm holding your hand and I wish I lived close enough to bring you lunch today.
God bless you Sissy. You already are a choir of one.
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